Today is Thursday, which means it is chemo day! Every other Thursday, I make the short trip to my local hospital to get my bi-weekly chemo infusions. This morning while savouring my first morning cup of coffee and prior to my morning appointment, Michelle asked me how I was feeling today. I told her I felt pretty good, definitely at least an 8/10. Michelle asked me if I ever resented having to go for chemo? Does it bother me or am I worried or dreading chemo days. My response was rather quick, and I told her that I did not resent it at all. This may not be totally honest.....
I must say that these bi-weekly treatments have really become rather routine now. It is really just a part of my life and there is not much that I can do to change that. I don't really have any other options at this time. I have come to accept it. Don't get me wrong, there are definitely better things that I could and would be doing with my time if it was an option. I must say that it is really a small price to pay to hopefully prolong my life as long as humanly possible. So far it has kept me fairly healthy and able to fully function in all of aspects of daily life. My hope is it will stay that way for a long time to come.
This round of chemo, which is my third line of treatment, takes approximately 3.5 hours to complete. I usually use this time to take out my laptop and write my weekly blog post (like I am doing today). At other times, I scroll my social media feeds or do some other work. Thankfully the hospital now has free internet for cancer patients. Distracting myself and keeping busy helps to make the time go faster. I also bring along my headphones and use them to play music during my stay. This helps to drown out the conversations, beeps, rings (that seem to be going off constantly) and discussions happening all around me. I must say that there really isn't much privacy in a chemo suite. There are six chairs per chemo pod and they are relatively close in proximity and only separated by curtains, which are not even closed most of the time.
I do notice that on 'chemo days' my family and I seem a little more apprehensive and somewhat melancholy. We all seem a little more subdued on chemo days. I guess this is because these days are a bi-weekly reminder that I have cancer and a reminder of the way it has changed all of our lives forever. I have even noticed our little Lily giving me a little more love and attention on chemo days. How do they know that something is not just right?
So reflecting back on that conversation this morning, today I do feel pretty good, I'm taking the opportunity to have chemo treatments as a good thing, having hope and grateful for so many things that I do have, and choosing not to be resentful and choosing to stay positive!
Richard
