Rainy Day Blues

I woke up this morning to a wet, rainy day.  It has been awhile since we have had any substantial rain so it is welcome for all of our newly planted pots, shrubs and gardens to have a good soaking or at least a day of misting.  Our lawn was just freshly cut yesterday so this rain will help to keep it lush and green.  Looking out the window over my backyard this morning, I noticed the vibrant and varied colours of green throughout the yard. Nature really is so beautiful. The dark skies and the wet conditions really make the palette of greens look breathtaking and the colours pop.  When you get the chance to actually slow down and 'smell the roses' you realize the natural beauty that is all around us. I am so fortunate to be able to be here to see this (except maybe for the snowflakes that soon followed). Yes you heard me right, snowflakes on May 28th! But this is Canada - eh!

I find that rainy days give you an excuse to slow down and take some time for yourself. Let's face it, I can't really complete my outdoor 'to do' list today. I guess I could always find something to do on my indoors 'to do' list but....... I think this will be a good day for an afternoon nap. A good day to take a midday bath and maybe snuggle up and watch a movie. 

The problem with slowing down and taking some time for yourself is that it gives my mind a chance to wonder. Usually I am so hyper focused on daily chores, schedules, and appointments but when I get a chance to slow down, my mind always seems to end up in the same place. I start to think about the future or lack of a future for me and my family. I start to get nostalgic and then get melancholy. It is hard not to wonder about what life events I will miss or not be apart of.  Lately I have been reminiscing more about past memories and even having dreams with people and places from years gone by. It is really interesting how the mind works. These moments or flashbacks of my life are both heartwarming and distressing at the same time.  

I have to keep remembering and telling myself that none of us can predict the future. None of us know what will come next or how long we have. I need to focus my energies on the here and now. I need to enjoy and celebrate the present, as the future is well, in the future, and not promised for any of us really. 

And on that note, in my immediate future, it all begins again on Monday!  Here we go again! Clinical trial number two starts!  It's back to the hospital, lots of blood work, tests and more CT scans. At least this trial is every other week so we will get some reprieve over the summer to rest and enjoy without constant weekly visits to the hospital. We are even trying to squeeze in a few getaways on my weeks off. New hope, new promise and hopefully some positive results await.

I will take advantage of this 'rainy day' to savour the time that I have with my family and be thankful for the blessing that we have together. 

"Somedays you just have to create your own sunshine." ~ Author Unknown

Richard