If I am knitting, everything must be okay, right?

This week's blog comes courtesy of My Michelle.

I’ve grown up in a family of knitters – my sisters knit, my mother knitted, my grandmother knitted, Richard’s mom knitted, my sister in law is a fabulous knitter and I am sure there is a much deeper legacy if we go back in the family tree, of knitters.  Some of my most prized possessions are those little keepsake sweaters and baby blankets that my mom and sisters had knitted for each of our children upon their birth.  I have those tucked away and ready to pass on to our children when the time is right, and they bring little ones into the world.  

I had mentioned before, that my mother had a severe stroke several years ago now.  In her home, there is a small wooden chest that was made from a refurbished piece of furniture from her childhood home, and in it she had stored all of her knitting books, needles and odds and sods. I know there are some little buttons she had picked up to put on a sweater for one of the grandkids in one of the drawers, leftover yarn from projects she finished in another little corner, vintage pamphlets and patterns that she either made or always planned to get to in the bottom drawer, but time got away on her.

Richard’s mom, so proud of her son going to Queen’s University, knit him this amazing tricolour scarf – it must be at least 12 feet long, with this knotted fringe, you can wrap it around your neck several times and have lots of length left.   A lot of love and pride went into it’s making.  Every homecoming weekend we were able to attend, we would dig out that scarf and Richard would put on his Queen’s jacket and we would blend into the crowd of other proud graduate students out to cheer on the Queen’s Golden Gaels football game – belting out our “Oil thigh…..”.  When our daughter was accepted at Queens, Richard passed the scarf on to her and it had a place of honour and on display in residence at Victoria Hall, and later in her student apartment and it will carry on there for another couple years as she does her graduate work at Queens.  Oh, the stories that old scarf could tell!  My sister in law who is a world class knitter, knit me this amazing fair isle sweater from a pattern I had found in an old British magazine.  I wore that sweater for many years on my treks around Queen’s campus, the envy of many I am sure!  I still have that sweater and wear it every fall.  

I have also been known to break out the needles now and again and knit. I don’t seem to remember a time of learning to knit, it was just a natural thing, I think I just kind of learned it from watching my mother knit.  As a university student and when money was tight, I remember making home knit gloves for all of my friends at Queens, with these pretty cables on the wrist – I was pretty proud of how they turned out.  I remember knitting Richard this dark green sweater one year as well, again money was tight, but that sweater was made with love.  We were married for 7 years before we were blessed with our first son, Jonathan and it wasn’t an easy pregnancy.  I remember my younger sister had knit me a little lumbar pillow to help me get comfortable, I still have that little pillow tucked away.  My older sister Dianne knit a beautiful christening shawl for our children, and it is a treasured family heirloom.

But like most things, it’s hard to find time and energy to knit when you are busy with juggling a family with 2 careers, commuting, pursuing graduate school, and raising a family.  Now and again over the years, I’ve made a project or two, but it has really been since Richard was diagnosed that I’ve started to pick up the needles and work on a few things.  Stress knitting you might say.  I’m really into knitting home made socks, and always looking for a challenge, I  have worked out a few original designs, borrowing something from this pattern, and something from that pattern and working out the math (yes I manage to work in the geekiness, being a science girl at heart), to create something new.  I finished a pair and sent it to our daughter at Queens to keep her warm shortly after he was first diagnosed.   I’ve finished 4 pairs while he was on the first round of chemo.  Knitted a sweater on the 2^nd round of chemo.  Started more socks on the 3^rd round of chemo – I was in a bit of a knitting obsession you might say.  Then as the news got worse, the knitting started to drift away.  Richard and the kids keep trying to get me back on track, gave me some more wool for Christmas and a beautiful knitting bowl to hold my yarn, a few books and patterns, and yet it still sits in the bag.  I have a beautiful sweater I started that still sits on the needles.  I seem to have lost the spark, and I don’t know why.  

I think it may have something to do with how knitting is more than just knitting to me.  It’s creating something for someone to give away, for them to enjoy and wear, often attached to life milestones or holidays.  My subconscious  (well now that I am thinking about it) my conscious mind, is kind of blocking me because I don’t want to associate this next project with the troubled times we are treading.  

I think the day will come, when I’ll be able to pick up the needles again, and maybe then the rhythmic motion, stitch counting, and creating will bring me comfort.  I have a whole queue of projects and people waiting for things, not the least is our son Josh and a nice toque (I haven't forgotten Josh),  
Maybe I can make something from my mother’s little dresser and have a part of her with me or give away to my siblings, we miss her so.  Maybe I can get that Queens scarf back from Sophie and give it a place of pride around my neck and celebrate the many happy memories of a family well loved, and my Richard.

Knitting is like a little bit of home to me,

Love Michelle

Our Photographer

This week's blog is courtesy of My Michelle .

Our home is filled with photographs.  Some are framed and covering most of the available table tops and walls.  Some are in boxes and stored on shelves, in drawers and under dressers.  Lots are on hard drives and stored electronically.  Many are school age photos of our kids, the trusty photo shoots from Sears, proud memories of proms and graduations (our own and our kids), birthdays, anniversaries and family holiday times together. Images that chronicle important events and candid moments in our lives together.

And then you come up the stairs and turn the corner and you see a collection of a different kind, a gallery sampling of some fine quality photography - mainly wildlife, flowers and birds, taken by Richard.   His other personal favourite images to post are "food", and he has been known for posting on facebook some of the more grand Sunday roast dinners and various baking challenges we've might have gotten up to over the years - and there were many!  He actively posts his images on various social and photo club platforms, some have over 30,000 views. Many are very, very good.  I've encouraged him to sell some of the images, but he is reluctant to do so, and I always wondered why.

I myself am not much of a photographer- I'll take a selfie now and again, capture a moment on my phone of something that takes my eye, but generally that job has fallen to Richard to capture the special family moments and memories.  A role not limited only for our immediate family, but our extended family as well.  We  often tease him, our personal papparazzi, as he was always snapping photos, taking so many, to get that perfect one!  But as life goes, and with so much having changed, people who have left us, looking back through all of the images, we are all so glad we have them, and importantly, that he took them.  

Now the challenge with always being the photographer, is you are behind the camera and not as often in front of the camera. So as much as you are a part of the event, with the eye of an artist,  knowing the people so well, and in that quest to capture the perfect moment, he's not always in the photograph! Richard invested in a tripod with a remote control so in recent times, we were able to get all of us in a number of shots, or we would take turns taking the snaps.

I have always been a little cavalier about photos, happy to have them after they are done, glad I bought all of those Sears portfolios of the kids (I was always a sucker to buy the whole thing!), grateful to have them all and the meaning of life they truly represent.   I've never been a person to create reams of photo albums, or scrapbooks, was always too busy or had other things to do.  As organized and a planner as Richard is, surprisingly he didn't push for this either.  But now we plan to go through those boxes and get things in order, print off some of our favourites that currently exist in the digital world, and give some away to others who may enjoy them and take comfort in "remembering when"

Now I get it, especially as you face how fleeting and fragile life can be, the value of capturing those photos. I am so glad he did.  I also get why he doesn't want to sell some of his more artistic ones.   They are a part of him, the things he saw that had some beauty or interest to him personally, something that spoke to him.

Keeping his love in our photographs, my photographer.  

             

Richard's Flickr Photo Gallery

Love, Michelle

Gone Fishin'

This week we had the good fortune to be able to get away for a few days to a cottage on Lake Musoka in Gravehurst, Ontario. It was a glorious few days up in beautiful cottage country. I had forgotten how majestic it was up in Musoka. A true Canadian paradise. This was all made possible thanks to the generosity of a work friend and her family who graciously let us stay at her family cottage. This was my week off of chemotherapy and we took advantage of the time off and freedom, to get away. This cottage trip was a wonderful reprieve from our everyday routines and weekly appointments and provided us with a glorious, picturesque location (as we have not been venturing out much these days) to rest, relax and enjoy family time together. We all seemed to enjoy the serenity, the quiet and the chance to be one with nature again. Nothing makes you slow down and count your blessing like a trip to the cottage.

One of the highlights of the trip was the fishing! When I was younger my family owned a cottage and we spent most of my summers there and I used to go fishing almost everyday. I loved to troll the shores of the lake for bass, pike and perch. It was a great lake to catch fish. They always seemed to be biting. My parents sold the cottage when I was in my early twenties. At the time, I was focused on my new life and didn't visit the cottage that often. It was becoming too much for my parents to handle, so they sold it. I have always regretted it. Once we moved to York Region my opportunity to go fishing diminished considerably. I have not really gone fishing in a boat since 2012. Thanks to my wonderful work friends, they arranged for Jon, Josh and I to have a guided fishing excursion on Lake Muskoka (the girls opted to lounge on the deck, lakeside). Our guide Mike took us on his professional fishing boat to all the great fishing spots on the lake. I even bought a new fishing rod, reel and tackle box full of new lures. I always wanted to take the boys fishing and this was my chance. We had a great morning of fishing and caught a variety of fish including walleye, bass, pike and perch. So glad they were biting that morning. Nothing better than that feeling when a fish takes your bait- fish on! As you

can see from the smiles on their faces, I think the boys had a good time! We caught enough for a great fish fry. The girls meanwhile enjoyed their time on the dock, reading and relaxing with their morning coffee- and there may have been a trip into town.

We also enjoyed a quick trip into Gravenhurst later that day to do a bit of sightseeing and shopping too. In the evening, we made a reservation on the patio at a local restaurant and had a wonderful dinner on the patio with all five of us. It just doesn't get any better than that. Although the time in Muskoka was short, we made the most of it and enjoyed every minute.

You might be asking at this point, what does this have to do with cancer. I might have asked the same thing reading this blog. The answer is absolutely nothing! Sometimes you just want to forget about cancer (even just for a few days). This wonderful trip allowed my family to forget all about cancer, our medical issues and worries for just a few days and simply enjoy our beautiful country in all its natural glory and quiet time together with each other. What more can you ask for. Words can not express how much this time away meant to me personally and

how much I enjoyed our much needed quiet time together by the lake. We are already planning our next excursion for my next week off chemo in the middle of August. Hopefully it will include more chances to go fishing (and shopping :) ) too!

Life is better at the cottage!

Richard

Anticipating a perfect summer day!

We are so happy that the weather has finally improved and we can all get outside and enjoy some sun in the backyard. It has been a long few weeks being cooped up in the house. Cabin fever was beginning to set in for sure for us.

Michelle and I love to garden. It gives us great satisfaction to clear away the dead debris from our gardens and around our pool to see the perennials and hosta plants trying to peek out towards the sun. We swear that they grow a few centimetres by the end of that first day of cleaning. We love to go to the nursery and pick out our vegetable patch plants and our beautiful hanging baskets the colours and aromas in the nursery are a sure sign of Spring. Luckily the nurseries have been allowed to open this week so we can get to visit them.

We take great pride in our backyard oasis. It takes several days to get it back into shape after the winter. We are amazed at how quickly the weeds can grow (faster then the perennials for sure) in the gardens and in between the interlocking stones.  This week we bought four yards of mulch and have been topping up the beds with it. Amazing what a light topping of rich, black mulch can do to control the weeds and make it look so good. I am thankful that I am still able to fully work in the garden and am really surprised that my stamina remains (although I must admit that I can't go at the pace that I once did). No full out energizer bunny mode however. Slow and steady wins the race, right?

Another sure sign of spring is our annual pool opening. We opened our pool late last year and regretted it, as the warm weather came early and we missed out on a few good weeks in & by the pool. This year we decided to open the pool early. That was a mistake. We have had several days of snow (yes snow) and rain since it has opened. We decided not to turn on the heater. You can't win! We hope to finally turn on the heater this weekend and begin to fully enjoy our pool. Lounging by the pool is so relaxing. It is one of our favourite things to do in our backyard.

Our BBQ has already been busy grilling a variety of menu items. We are currently in the middle of an Erdmann family rib fest contest. Jonathan, Joshua and Michelle have all had a turn so far making their own dry rub and bbq rib sauces. It has been a close and delicious contest for sure. I'm not sure I can top those rib sauces but I will give it a try later this month. We haven't had our pizza oven on the bbq yet but maybe we will be able to get it going this weekend. We are also excited for our first bonfire of the season. Nothing is better then sitting around a crackling fire, roasting marshmallows and watching the glowing flames dance in the moon light. 

Finally it is almost badminton season. We can't wait! The Erdmann's love badminton and we take it very seriously. Our net broke last year so we are a bit delayed in the start of the season. If you happen to get a glimpse of us playing you will most likely witness a gentle game of 'how many volleys can we get over the net' quickly turn into a spike drive battle where the birdie usually ends up torpedoed into someone's body. Don't be fooled, we are fierce badminton players. Watch out! 

I am hopeful that I will still be able to participate fully in these wonderful family outdoor activities this summer. At the moment it looks very promising. My health has been good and I am able to fully participate in all of them at this time. I hope it stays that way! These activities allow us all the time to take our mind off of our current circumstances. They are a wonderful distraction for sure. They bring us joy and bring our family together. More great memories.

Sunshine is the best medicine!

I hope that you are enjoying your backyards and families too. Make new memories and treasure those moments you make together.

Richard

This Morning, With You, Having Coffee

This week's blog comes courtesy of My Michelle.

I love coffee!  

That promise of the perfect cup of dark roast delight, is one of the things I look forward to every morning.  I come by this love of strong coffee quite honestly.  We always used to joke that my father made coffee so strong the spoon would practically stand up in it!  Richard's family too were big coffee drinkers, and I remember when we were newlyweds and would be home in Kingston visiting from our jobs in Toronto, and Richard's mom Doreen would come over to visit and bring donuts, calling out "Ronnie put the coffee on".  He surely would, and we would have much fun, laughter, talking and getting caught up over a pot or two.  We were so lucky that both our families got along so well.

When our children were young, and life was very busy, I looked forward to precious Sunday mornings when the kids slept in a little longer (with any luck), Richard slept in, and I was able to slip outside with my steaming cup of coffee, Darcy laying by my feet. I would just sit by the pool and watch the morning unfold and I would take the time to think, to plan and to dream.

Despite all that we are going through these days, Richard and I always take time together in the morning, and enjoy our coffee.  It is our special time to gradually wake up with the day, to share moments in quiet conversation while the rest of the household and the world still sleeps.

This morning, with you, having coffee - the best part of my day.

Love Michelle

Home Movies - Treasuring the Moments

Like all of you, we are trying to find ways to fill our days now that we are basically sequestered at home for the foreseeable future. As I had previously mentioned in my post Spring Cleaning- Got Junk! , I have been slowly cleaning our basement, which has 20+ years of boxes and discarded items to go through. It has been an overwhelming, tedious task for sure, sorting and sifting through the boxes, bins and collections of stored items. A lifetime of memories are stored down there. It has resulted in some exciting discoveries. 

A few days ago, our son Jonathan came down to the basement to check on me as I have been trying to go downstairs for an hour our two each day to keep the cleaning momentum going (after taking a few weeks off). It has given me a purpose or job to do each day during these long days at home. Jon quickly noticed that I had uncovered one of my old video recorders, along with a box of video cassette tapes and even a collection of old film reels from my childhood. Jon, being a film affcionado and a lover of all things to do with movies and technology, immediately brought these items upstairs and was trying to figure out how to get them operational again. In no time, he had the video camera charging, figured out how to link it up to the flat screen and we were ready to go.

We decided to have a viewing party that night. Having not taken the time to label the video cassettes when I should have years ago, each cassette was a mystery tape. Child birth, birthday parties, christenings, family BBQ's, even surprise videos that my parents had taken on their trips and vacations that I have never seen before. What a discovery.

Our now adult children were mesmerized at seeing themselves as babies and during their toddler years. What a treasure it was to be able to show them what they were like back then. Michelle and I had almost forgotten their baby voices, their actions and reactions. It was great to see and hear them at this age again. Our kids couldn't get over how young Michelle and I looked- mind you, we think we hadn't changed at all (lol). In some of the videos, we were close to the same age as Jon is today. 

These videos took us back in time, so sad but also wonderful to see family that have now passed on, to re-live family celebrations, moments that were captured on video that might have been forgotten forever. It was wonderful to hear our children's voices, how they they giggled and spoke as young children and to hear the voices of those family members that had passed on or changed due to health. The videos also showed the little nuances and activities going on in the background.  Photographs could never capture those for us to remember. In this age of instant Snapchat photos and fifteen second phone video clips - home movies are a dying art!

I have to admit that I got very emotional watching these videos. Many of these videos had me choked up and almost in tears and Michelle had to leave the room. Not only because of the emotions of the memories that can flooding back to me while watching them but also because I began to think about the events and moments that I would not be a part of in the future. Cancer will eventually rob me of my chance to be apart of making memories with my family. I resent this. I have to admit that it makes me angry at times and melancholy too.

We are slowly working through the video cassette tapes, labelling them and hoping to hold video viewing parties every now and then. Next on the list is our wedding video and then going way back to the 8 mm movie reels so that our kids can see what life was like when dad was a baby. Luckily I also found the projector so that we can watch them too. Fingers crossed it still works.

I encourage you to dig up your old albums and home movies, spend some time looking through them. Set up a viewing party of your own. You will never regret the time you spend, the conversations that they ignite, the laughter and tears, the memories that come back to life before your eyes.  

Keep making memories, capturing & treasuring the moments.

Richard

Spring Cleaning- Got Junk?

Michelle and I have lived at our current home in Newmarket for almost 20 years now. We moved into our home in early December 2000.  It has been our sanctuary and haven ever since.

When we moved in, Jonathan, Joshua and Sophia were six, four and one years old respectfully. Michelle and I were, during the late 90's, perpetually  sleep deprived. (I think I may have mentioned that in a previous post). This made for an interesting move in.

My dear mother had passed away that year, and we still had many of her personal items from her home, still unopened in boxes & bins in our garage and basement at the old house. On moving day, we simply placed all of her items, along with a wide selection of our current 'not used' items, into our new basement on moving day. We told ourselves that we would have the time to unpack and organize them later. These boxes and bins are still there, unopened 20 years later. A word of advice - do not delay, do it when you move in, lol.

Over the years we have also found it very difficult to part with items that we have purchased or received. We have changed our decor, purchased newer versions of items or simply indulged in some special gadget or gizzmo and instead of giving or throwing away the older version, we simply placed them in the basement for safe keeping (because you never know, we may decide that you may need them at a later date, right?) or there was always that elusive garage sale we were going to have.  Wrong! 

Over the next 20 years our basement has slowly filled up. If you walked into our basement this very week, you would swear that Michelle and I are hoarders. 

Our basement represents a time capsule of our lives. We have boxes, bins and bags full of days gone by. Full of memories.

Believe it or not, we still have all of the baby furniture and baby toys from our three children there. We have all of the fad toys and gadgets that were 'must haves' packed away on shelves: beanie babies, hockey cards, lego, train sets, hockey equipment,  medieval knights, and a collection of dolls and build a bear accessories (Coco is the best dressed bear in town), such as you would not believe. We thought that perhaps we could pass them down to our children's children some day. We even have boxes of our old university text books from the eighties (just in case we may need to reference them at some point. Really! Why didn't we give them away or throw them away years ago)? Michelle keeps reminding me that we kept them because we were going to turn one of our rooms into a library with a rolling library ladder - her dream. It's still a dream 20 years later!

One of my goals in retirement was to finally tackle the basement. I had planned to 'get it done' over the summer. It was on my 'to do' summer list. It finally needed to be done and there were no more excuses about not having the time to do it. I was no longer on vacation this summer, I was retired now. No more excuses. My cancer diagnosis and subsequent tests and therapies derailed these plans.

Now that my treatments have been completed and I am fairly symptom free, tackling the basement has once again risen the top of the pile of things to do. This is the week that our basement finally gets tackled (or at least started)!

A lifetime of memories currently lives in our basement. Going through these boxes, bags and bins this week is taking much longer than anticipated. Each time you open a new box, you are transformed to a different time and place in our lives. These are memory boxes and bins. The collection represents us and our family. This is making this job very difficult and time consuming, especially at this difficult time in our lives. These memories are so important right now.

When you are diagnosed with cancer, you immediately think the worse. In my case, the worse is my new reality. Still, I have been given the gift of time. My treatments have gone well and they have provided me with more time then my doctors had expected.   

Cleaning the basement (or our trip down memory lane) has been both heartwarming and tragic at the same time. What memories, still to come, will I miss or not be a part of?  But at least right now I can make choices on how to spend my time and with a sense of urgency, make things happen.

As a family and as a couple, we are trying our best to make as many new memories as possible. These memories however, will not be stored in our basement but in our hearts.

Here's to making new memories and to finally tackling your own basements! Do it, do it now but be prepared to go down your own memory lane.

Richard 

Family- Home Sweet Home

To me, December is a time for family. 

There are really only a few times during the year, when most of us can really slow down the pace and take time to enjoy each others company. December holidays are one of these times for our family. December provides opportunities to visit and celebrate with our extended families and friends. Lots of good food, music & good company.  The lead up to Christmas if often hectic and busy but the days after Christmas and before the new year are perfect for slowing down, sitting around in our PJ's, watching movies and decompressing.  Spending time with those that matter the most.

Family means everything to me. I am so glad that we are all able to be together during Christmas. Sitting together for family meals, especially Sunday morning 'big' breakfasts, are something that our family really enjoys doing. As our children grow older, these special moments become harder to arrange. 

Our family is so fortunate to all be together this Christmas. Sophie was able to return from university earlier this year, which is allowing us lots of time to spend together. We are saddened at the same time that we will not be able to enjoy the holidays with our extended family in Kingston, but staying close to home this holiday seems best for us at this time in our cancer journey.  

My family keeps asking me what I would like for Christmas and my response is all I really want for Christmas is TIME.  Time to be with them, time to enjoy each others company. We tend to take time for granted. Time is precious. 

My wish for you all is to continue to make memories with each other. Take time to be with each other as much a possible, especially during the holidays. Use this holiday season to connect or reconnect with your family and build new memories with each other.

This will be my last blog post for 2019. I will be taking a few weeks off to enjoy the holiday season with my family. Our plans include: going for some nature walks, playing board games, watching some of our favourite classic Christmas movies, doing some local day trips and just having a chance to sit, relax and talk with each other (which seems like something of a luxury these days). 

I wish you and your family a wonderful holiday. Enjoy your time with your family. Make some memories!

Richard