For the Birds!

Well this is the final week before the holiday season officially begins for the Erdmann family. Michelle, Jon and Joshua will be off work for the holidays and Sophia has finished the last of her exams and essays for the term. I am so looking forward to the holidays. Christmas is one of my favourite times of the year. I love the decorations, the lights, the food and the cookies (can't wait to eat all of those cookies)! I am counting my lucky stars that for now, the chemo seems to be working and I'm able to eat most everything.  Bring on that turkey dinner!  For us, Christmas  is a great time to slow down, reconnect and do things that we normally don't have time to get to do. 

Last year our son Joshua bought Michelle and I a wonderful Christmas gift that we make use of each day during the winter. He gave us a bird feeder, a North American bird calendar and bird themed hats. It was a very thoughtful gift. Both Michelle and I love to bird watch, especially from our comfortable chairs in our kitchen. We strategically placed the feeder so that we have a great view of the birds. (We might have had to move it a time or two, to get just the right spot!). We love to see the large majestic Blue Jays and vibrant red Cardinals, along with a variety of other birds that visit our feeder. This summer our feeder had a visit from a rare blue bird, they are gradually coming back to Southern Ontario - it was the most beautiful and vibrant shade of blue.  Nature is amazing!  Occasionally we get a visit from a local squirrel or two who try to get their fill of the seeds too. Although not a welcomed visitor (based on the amount of seeds they eat), a squirrel has to eat too, right?

We love identifying new birds that come to the feeder. It is surprising how many different birds rely on the feeders over the winter. Chickadees are the most common visitors but we do seem to have a pair of Blue Jay and Cardinals that are frequent visitors. We enjoy that they come in pairs to the feeder, a male and female couple. I am still trying to get a good photo of them both. Easier said than done! They seem to visit when my camera is not easily accessible or become easily spooked when I try to take a photo of them. Interestingly some of the other birds are more than willing to remain at the feeder even if I am approaching the feeder to get a good shot.

We say that we are doing it for the birds, keeping them fed over the long, cold winter months, but actually we are doing it for us, as a family. Feeding and watching the birds is another wonderful distraction from our daily worries and troubles. They give us small moments of joy and wonder each day and a reminder that despite what we are going through, life must, and does, go on. Sometimes our feeder will be emptied in just two days. It is our pleasure to refill it to see who will visit next.  

This will be the final blog post for 2020. We can all agree that we are happy to see this year come to an end. We are looking forward to all the promise of better times in the new year. Let's hope they come true for us all.  Over the next two weeks I will be focusing on family and relaxation. My Personal Cancer Journey blog will return in the first week of January. My treatments are going well so far, I am enjoying life, we are staying the course!

Wishing you and your families a wonderful, restful holiday season. Take advantage of this time to reconnect and make some new family memories. Don't forget to feed the birds (and squirrels too).

Look forward to seeing you in 2021!

Richard 

Standing Tall Through it All

This week's blog comes courtesy of My Michelle.

We have thankfully approached that one year marker of Richard's diagnosis of stage IV esophageal cancer. I say thankfully, because the odds were against us and all evidence was pointing unbelievably, to a different outcome.  I often get asked "I don't know how you do it?".  Well the truth is, we really don't have much of a choice.  To give Richard the best possible chance, and the best quality of life, we have a chemo treatment plan, we have a follow up and testing plan, we have the excellent care of a health care team who are determined to help us get through it all.  Where we do have choice, is how we think, how we feel, how we treat one another, keeping connected with family and friends, and choosing to "stand tall through it all".

Standing tall, is not a new concept for our family.  It has been a value we have tried to instil in our children - encouraging them to stand up for what they believe in, make their decisions and then stand behind them, always be proud of who they are and to hold their head high.  

In a literal sense, it was one of the things that first drew me to Richard.  Richard always has stood tall, with a great sense of posture, always standing up for what and for those he believes in, always proud of who he is and our family. Richard has stood tall during his career in education, with his peers, his students and their families.

Richard has also approached his cancer journey, standing tall.  As his wife, it is one of the most difficult things to watch him go for treatments, supporting him, but not able to make it go away.  It has been worse with COVID 19 restrictions, where I can't even go into the treatments with him or sit by him in the chemo suite to keep him company.  I drive him to and from every treatment, make sure he is as comfortable as possible, that our bedding is changed and ready for his nap when he gets home (nothing is better than fresh sheets and blankets!), and that our home "sparkles and shines" and is as germ free as possible. He always walks into the hospital with his head high, his backpack confidently on one shoulder, and with purpose in his step.   I try to be strong, be his advocate and his comfort when he needs it.  I don't always stand tall, but I try.  I am a migraine sufferer and have found that I've had a few more than normal over this past year.  On one particular day when it was particularly bad, our kids said to me "Mom, you can't get sick.  If you go down, we all go down."  Certainly, more than ever I feel the need to stand tall and be strong, our family depends upon it.

I know we (and I) don't always have to be strong, that it's okay to give in and have a good cry, to reach out to others for a helping hand, and in fact it is healthy and necessary to do so!  Asking for help, and accepting help, helps us all "Stand Tall" and also gives a chance to others to share the load, and we can maybe "Stand Tall" together.

Proud to Stand Tall through it all and together, with you,

Love Michelle

  

Don't poke the bear!

Sorry, this week's blog title may be a little bit misleading. Don't get me wrong, I am definitely not fond of getting needles jabbed into me, in fact I have spent a good portion of my life trying to avoid  them all together. I would dread my visit for the blood draws at the medical clinic after my annual physical to get my blood tested. "Make a fist" & "small poke" are two phrases that I still prefer not to hear. Like I was saying, the title is misleading because I don't turn into a bear when the nurse or technician is trying to get the needle in my vein, in fact I'm actually a very compliant patient (much to my surprise at times). My new reality is having at least two 'jabs' a week. It is now a part of my 'normal' everyday life. 

When you have cancer you have lots of needles poked into you! Some to draw blood, others to get an I.V. line going. During my last round of chemo treatments I had a PICC line installed so the number of 'jabs' was significantly less. However the downside of having a PICC line is already well documented in previous blog posts. So jab away I say! I guess I am starting to get used to it now but I must say that I still look away when they say "small poke". 

At times, getting the needle into a vein can be difficult. Sometimes they have a hard time getting a vein to cooperate. Nothing worse than having to be jabbed more than once to get it in.  I did not realize that veins could move. Let me tell you, they can. Sometimes they can be very stubborn. My record is four attempts before success. Sometimes they have to bring in reinforcements, the nurse on the floor that for what ever reason, always seems to be able to get it on the first time.  Where were they four times ago! Anyways -luckily most times it only takes one try!

I understand the importance of taking blood samples prior to my weekly treatment. The results of the blood tests are used to  determine whether or not I can go ahead with treatment the next day or week and determine if changes are needed to dosage of the chemotherapy drugs prior to having my treatment. I guess you can say that 'jabs' mean I can continue have treatment, so poke away and I'll try not to be a bear!

I want to pay tribute and say special thanks to those that get 'jabbed' voluntarily to give blood.  You amaze me!

Have a great weekend.

Richard

Our Photographer

This week's blog is courtesy of My Michelle .

Our home is filled with photographs.  Some are framed and covering most of the available table tops and walls.  Some are in boxes and stored on shelves, in drawers and under dressers.  Lots are on hard drives and stored electronically.  Many are school age photos of our kids, the trusty photo shoots from Sears, proud memories of proms and graduations (our own and our kids), birthdays, anniversaries and family holiday times together. Images that chronicle important events and candid moments in our lives together.

And then you come up the stairs and turn the corner and you see a collection of a different kind, a gallery sampling of some fine quality photography - mainly wildlife, flowers and birds, taken by Richard.   His other personal favourite images to post are "food", and he has been known for posting on facebook some of the more grand Sunday roast dinners and various baking challenges we've might have gotten up to over the years - and there were many!  He actively posts his images on various social and photo club platforms, some have over 30,000 views. Many are very, very good.  I've encouraged him to sell some of the images, but he is reluctant to do so, and I always wondered why.

I myself am not much of a photographer- I'll take a selfie now and again, capture a moment on my phone of something that takes my eye, but generally that job has fallen to Richard to capture the special family moments and memories.  A role not limited only for our immediate family, but our extended family as well.  We  often tease him, our personal papparazzi, as he was always snapping photos, taking so many, to get that perfect one!  But as life goes, and with so much having changed, people who have left us, looking back through all of the images, we are all so glad we have them, and importantly, that he took them.  

Now the challenge with always being the photographer, is you are behind the camera and not as often in front of the camera. So as much as you are a part of the event, with the eye of an artist,  knowing the people so well, and in that quest to capture the perfect moment, he's not always in the photograph! Richard invested in a tripod with a remote control so in recent times, we were able to get all of us in a number of shots, or we would take turns taking the snaps.

I have always been a little cavalier about photos, happy to have them after they are done, glad I bought all of those Sears portfolios of the kids (I was always a sucker to buy the whole thing!), grateful to have them all and the meaning of life they truly represent.   I've never been a person to create reams of photo albums, or scrapbooks, was always too busy or had other things to do.  As organized and a planner as Richard is, surprisingly he didn't push for this either.  But now we plan to go through those boxes and get things in order, print off some of our favourites that currently exist in the digital world, and give some away to others who may enjoy them and take comfort in "remembering when"

Now I get it, especially as you face how fleeting and fragile life can be, the value of capturing those photos. I am so glad he did.  I also get why he doesn't want to sell some of his more artistic ones.   They are a part of him, the things he saw that had some beauty or interest to him personally, something that spoke to him.

Keeping his love in our photographs, my photographer.  

             

Richard's Flickr Photo Gallery

Love, Michelle

Gone Fishin'

This week we had the good fortune to be able to get away for a few days to a cottage on Lake Musoka in Gravehurst, Ontario. It was a glorious few days up in beautiful cottage country. I had forgotten how majestic it was up in Musoka. A true Canadian paradise. This was all made possible thanks to the generosity of a work friend and her family who graciously let us stay at her family cottage. This was my week off of chemotherapy and we took advantage of the time off and freedom, to get away. This cottage trip was a wonderful reprieve from our everyday routines and weekly appointments and provided us with a glorious, picturesque location (as we have not been venturing out much these days) to rest, relax and enjoy family time together. We all seemed to enjoy the serenity, the quiet and the chance to be one with nature again. Nothing makes you slow down and count your blessing like a trip to the cottage.

One of the highlights of the trip was the fishing! When I was younger my family owned a cottage and we spent most of my summers there and I used to go fishing almost everyday. I loved to troll the shores of the lake for bass, pike and perch. It was a great lake to catch fish. They always seemed to be biting. My parents sold the cottage when I was in my early twenties. At the time, I was focused on my new life and didn't visit the cottage that often. It was becoming too much for my parents to handle, so they sold it. I have always regretted it. Once we moved to York Region my opportunity to go fishing diminished considerably. I have not really gone fishing in a boat since 2012. Thanks to my wonderful work friends, they arranged for Jon, Josh and I to have a guided fishing excursion on Lake Muskoka (the girls opted to lounge on the deck, lakeside). Our guide Mike took us on his professional fishing boat to all the great fishing spots on the lake. I even bought a new fishing rod, reel and tackle box full of new lures. I always wanted to take the boys fishing and this was my chance. We had a great morning of fishing and caught a variety of fish including walleye, bass, pike and perch. So glad they were biting that morning. Nothing better than that feeling when a fish takes your bait- fish on! As you

can see from the smiles on their faces, I think the boys had a good time! We caught enough for a great fish fry. The girls meanwhile enjoyed their time on the dock, reading and relaxing with their morning coffee- and there may have been a trip into town.

We also enjoyed a quick trip into Gravenhurst later that day to do a bit of sightseeing and shopping too. In the evening, we made a reservation on the patio at a local restaurant and had a wonderful dinner on the patio with all five of us. It just doesn't get any better than that. Although the time in Muskoka was short, we made the most of it and enjoyed every minute.

You might be asking at this point, what does this have to do with cancer. I might have asked the same thing reading this blog. The answer is absolutely nothing! Sometimes you just want to forget about cancer (even just for a few days). This wonderful trip allowed my family to forget all about cancer, our medical issues and worries for just a few days and simply enjoy our beautiful country in all its natural glory and quiet time together with each other. What more can you ask for. Words can not express how much this time away meant to me personally and

how much I enjoyed our much needed quiet time together by the lake. We are already planning our next excursion for my next week off chemo in the middle of August. Hopefully it will include more chances to go fishing (and shopping :) ) too!

Life is better at the cottage!

Richard

I'll get by with a little help from my friends!

For this week's blog, I wanted to take some time to let you know, just how much of a difference it makes to me to be able to connect with each and every one of you.  I can honestly say, that if it was not for the support of my family, friends & colleagues, I do not think I would have made it this far and be here today. My determination and will power not only comes from you all, it truly amplifies it. It can be so easy to just give up, feel defeated and let cancer win. There are moments when you are so tired and emotionally drained that you start to lose hope and for a split second feel 'what is the point in fighting this battle, when the outcome is already determined for you'. But then there are moments of hope, of optimism, of resilience that push you to fight on. To fight for every extra day that you get, to fight for the chance to continue to experience more of life's moments, to fight to not be the "typical patient". Often these sparks of optimism and resiliency come when I am thinking of my family and friends. I want to be here to experience life with you all. You all make me want to fight on!

I am so very thankful for the outpouring of support that I continue to have from so many of you. Words can't adequately express what it really means to me and to my family. To have someone take the time out of their own busy lives to drop a note, a text, a call, leave a blog comment, reach out, take time to have a coffee, this is overwhelming to me.  It means the world to me to know that others are thinking about and praying for me and my family. I often think and worry about those that do not have a support network behind them like I do. We all need an army of support to continue our cancer battle. Who is pushing them to keep up the good fight? Who is giving them the positive messages of support and encouragement? We all need someone to be our advocate and champion. 

We don't often realize that the small gestures that we show towards others can make such a big difference in their lives. A simple smile, a hug (when we can hug again!), a text or email or letter, a phone call, or an offer of support can truly make a difference. I am humbled by those that have reached out that I have not had contact with for many years. Those that have taken the time to reach out to me and offer their support. Old work and high school colleagues, old friends that we have lost contact with, all reaching out and cheering me on. I know this is not easy, I know it's hard to know what to say.  For me, I feel I am truly blessed. 

Fighting cancer can be a lonely battle, even with family and friends by your side, but knowing that others 'have your back' and are quietly or vocally supporting you in their thoughts and prayers, helps to keep you going. 

The little photo of the friendship plaque, is a piece that hangs in our kitchen, a gift from a kind lady years ago and was given to us as a "thank you" and is a memory of such fun times shared. A small token, but one that we hang proudly in our home and is a reminder of the power of friendship. She too is fighting her cancer battle "across the pond" and we think of her and her family often and wish her well.  It was the perfect image for today's blog.

Thanks to all for your ongoing support and encouragement. It is making a difference. 

Oh, and I get by with a little help from my friends! 

Richard

Fireworks - It's not what you think!

 This week's blog post was written on Tuesday, June 30th.

I am writing this blog post sitting in my chemo chair in the cancer centre on this glorious Tuesday morning. This week I was fortunate to have a chemo chair by the window overlooking the beautiful newly planted hospital gardens, with a blue sky and the sun shining so brightly over the town of Newmarket. If I wasn't sitting here in this chair right now, I would most certainly be sitting by our pool drinking my second cup of coffee, talking with Michelle and watching the birds in our backyard take their morning bath in our birdbath. Being here, stuck in this chair, gives me lots of time to think, contemplate and write.  My treatment today will last 2.5 hours. I am currently in my second round of treatment in this new series. My new chemotherapy plan calls for weekly chemo infusions in a three week cycle. Every fourth week I have a week off. Yay!

I found out that I don't need a PICC line installed on my arm this time. This means no bottle buddy ! I sure don't miss him. (For those of you that don't know who bottle buddy is, it was the nickname given to my portable chemo bottle that I had to wear for a week at a time during my last series of chemotherapy). Having no bottle buddy means that I can still go swimming, take showers without assistance and wear short sleeved t-shirts. Wonderful news for sure, especially over these hot summer days. For the moment, I am free to enjoy all that summer offers.

Internal Fireworks

My side effects this time seem to be a little harsher. The days following my treatment have been tiresome. I'm not as energetic (hyper) as I usually am. I seem more irritable and 'grumpy'. At times I have what can best be described as 'mini fireworks' happening inside my body. These little 'sparks' or 'zaps' seem to be most intensified in my legs & arms but sometimes they occur throughout my body. They are not really painful but do cause some discomfort and are surprising at times. It's like I am having my own mini Canada Day fireworks display going on inside my body, lol.  Luckily, so far, I still don't have any nausea or vomiting. This is great news to me.  I also have infrequent numbness in my arms and hands, but overall I do feel fortunate to still have mostly minor side effects at this time. We shall see how it goes as we continue these treatments. Fingers crossed it stays this way.

As I sit here in my chair, I sometimes sneak a little peak at the other cancer patients in their chairs. It is really hard not to do this as you are literally sitting directly across from another patient and there also five others in close proximity. Why are these chairs always full? It always amazes me the number of people that are here. I arrived at 8:30 a.m. this morning as one of the first patients to be seen and by 9:15 all of the chairs were full. There is definitely not a lot of privacy here. Sometimes you see other cancer patients sneaking a peek back at you too. Your eyes make contact for a brief moment. What are they thinking? Probably the same think that I am thinking, why are you here? As I look around the room at some of the other patients receiving their treatment, many of them look very frail, quite pale and seem exhausted from their treatments. This makes me feel like an imposter. I on the other hand have a nice summer tan happening and am generally quite chipper during treatment. If you saw me, you could never tell that I have cancer. This reminds me how important it is to remember that we can't always see the burdens that others are carrying with them. It is so important to treat others with kindness because you don't know what others are going through.

As the time passes in the chair and I sit here listening to music and continue to write this blog post, I hope and pray that these treatments are all worth it. Will they really make a difference? I am openly agreeing to have toxins administered into my body to fend/fight off my cancer. Will they help to stop the spread of my disease? Only time will tell. Right now this is my best and only defence in this important fight. 

It's time to keep calm and carry on! I only have a few more minutes left in treatment until I can enjoy that cup of coffee with Michelle in the backyard! This morning, with you, having coffee.

Richard

Together Is My Favourite Place To Be

This week's blog is courtesy of My Michelle

I am sitting and writing this little note with my laptop on my knee, outside, my feet  up on an ottoman and looking out over our backyard.  What a view!  Our gardens have really come along this year, and with most of them being perennials, we are just getting ready for the summer time show and next round of blooms now that the peonies are fading.  Richard is lounging on the sofa beside me, finally taking time to relax and rest a bit - admiring all of his hard work.  He is my chief gardener, flower bed digger upper,  and all around pool maintenance guy!  It's a hard thing to get him to slow down and rest.  He is always up, busy, finding something to do, or fix, or organize.  But you see, this week we have entered into the second round of chemo, and this is hitting him a little harder than the last series.  A few more side effects, a bit more fatigue, and well the acknowledgement really of the need to slow down, just a bit.  I must admit it's hitting me harder too emotionally.  This week I find too, that the kids  are a little more sombre, a little more considerate and checking in on their dad.

We've been planning a few day trips to visit some of our favourite local spots, with the next one on our list to be the beautiful Niagara on the Lake.  We had a lovely day planned for tomorrow and are just discussing should we go or not.  Our conversation is going something like "Well, it is a bit of a drive, we are kind of tired, what will it really accomplish".  We need to be careful as he is immunocompromised and of course be in consideration with the ever present risks of COVID-19.  But at the end of the day, we are hoping that a change of scenery, maybe a stop at a special little hat store (I want to buy him a hat!), pick up a bottle of wine or two and just getting away, will give our spirits a little lift.  Sometimes you just have to put one foot in front of the other, venture out and go for it!    

We certainly had plans for more grand adventures, more travel, more experiences in far a way places.  While at times we are disappointed that things are not quite working out the way we planned,  I have to say,  all of that really doesn't matter, not really, because together, well that's my favourite place to be.

Love 

Michelle

SCAN-xiety 2.0- Unwelcome News

Previously, in my blogpost entitled SCAN-xiety, I talked about the rollercoaster ride cancer patients and their families go through regarding tests and scans. In that post I described the intense emotions that each test cycle creates for me personally and for my family. It all starts with the worry and wonder leading up to the test. Followed by the anxiousness on the day of the test and finally the concern and the dread of the possible results or outcomes from the test. I must say that waiting for the test results is definitely the most challenging part. Hence the term, SCAN-xiety. 

Last week, I had my regularly scheduled CT scan (which I have booked approximately every three months to keep us and my medical team up to date on the progress of my treatment). It was, like previous scans, fairly routine except perhaps for the new hospital protocols that are in place due to the ongoing COVID-19 issues.  The CT scan itself takes about 15 minutes. The machine pushes you into a cylinder tube that is rotating. It tells you to hold your breath for five seconds (it seems longer than that).  The platform then moves you slowly out of the tube (while you are holding your breath). This happens a few times. Fairly painless overall, except for a few slightly claustrophobic panic moments in the CT scan tube perhaps.  And then you wait! Waiting is painful, not literally but emotionally. 

Usually you wait until your next scheduled appointment with your oncologist to get the scan results however a few days after my scan I received a call from the hospital to indicate that my oncologist wanted to book a phone consult with me.  This was a week earlier than anticipated to discuss the results, which is not usually a good sign. Our family's anxiety levels immediately starting rising after getting off the phone. 

Unfortunately my early phone call was not good news. My most recent CT scan results had shown that my first line of treatment, which had been successful up until this point, was no longer controlling the spread or stopping the growth of my disease. My oncologist indicated that it was time to move onto the second line of treatment options. 

With our medical team, we are now in the process of determining our next steps, which will definitely include a new round of chemotherapy, a new cocktail of chemo drugs to fight this disease.

However disappointing and discouraging this news is for me and my family, we fight on! It is very hard to reconcile this news, with outward appearances and how I feel overall.  My energy level is good, my appetite is good, my outlook is hopeful and I continue to do most all of the things I normally would be doing.  We stay positive and we hope and pray for better news to come. 

We will not give up!  

"Being challenged in life is inevitable, being defeated is optional" ~ Roger Crawford

Richard

Celebrations & Milestones

Throughout the year we all celebrate milestone events like birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, retirements and graduations. These moments in time give us a chance to celebrate, recognize and highlight a happy or important event in ours or someone else's life. We all need these special moments. They provide us with joy, bring family and friends together and give us positive memories to cherish and remember for a lifetime. This week alone, Michelle and I will be celebrating our 32nd wedding anniversary and my 56th birthday. This year, many of us are feeling a little less celebratory, like we are missing out on a 'full' celebration due to the current restrictions and limitations. I say keep on celebrating!  

Last June was such a busy month for us so we decided not to formally celebrate our wedding anniversary. I was retiring (and we had lots of events & parties to attend), Michelle's mom's health was not well, and we had many other things happening so we decided to not go out for dinner or plan anything special like we normally do for our anniversary and instead we planned to combine it with our retirement trip. Unfortunately my health got in the way and we had to cancel our retirement/anniversary travel plans.  As a result, we do regret not taking the time to go out for that wonderful, romantic dinner for two or plan a special getaway weekend. We have had so many wonderful adventures, special dinners and moments during past anniversaries. This year, we are not able to go out for dinner or book a special getaway due to COVID-19. Instead we had our own romantic dinner for two on our deck (with the occasional visit throughout the evening from each of our three children). A beautiful evening was had, and actually it was much better than a table for two at a crowded restaurant. The lesson learned here is to make memories and moments wherever you are or whatever the circumstances. 

October is birthday month at the Erdmann household!  We have three birthdays in quick succession during the month. First off is Sophie, followed by Joshua and finally it is Michelle's birthday by mid October. We often say that it is our birthday cake month. After cake number two we sometimes say, do we really need another birthday cake? The answer is always Yes! Yes we do!  

"A good life is a collection of happy moments." ~ Denis Waitley

If you are lucky enough to have children, you will be celebrating many milestones for sure. I truly miss those baby and early years when the milestone events seemed to happen almost on a daily basis. First laugh, first words, first steps, first day of school, losing that first tooth and many more.

Jonathan, Joshua and Sophie are the pride and joys of our life. Michelle and I are immensely proud of each of them in their own unique ways. Through triumphs and pitfalls, through good times and bad, through the ups and downs of daily life we continue to be amazed at their resilience and positive outlooks on life. We hope this never changes.  We can honestly say that they have grown to be thoughtful, caring and responsible young adults. Michelle and I have always focused on family first, sometimes missing out on a personal goal or achievement to support our children. We have no regrets. It was well worth it. Each of them has provided us with the stories of our lives. We love them dearly. 

All of my fondest memories have involved my family and friends. They bring true meaning to life. When family & friends get together to eat, drink, talk (and even sometimes dance) it brings a smile to my face. Family reunions at the cottage, pot luck dinners, pool parties, family bbqs, boat rides in the bay, breakfasts at the local diner with your friends, these are the moments to hold dear. 

We all recognize milestones or significant events for a reason. They bring joy and happiness, they provide us with lasting memories. They bind us together. Despite our current situation that we all find ourselves in, don't pass on the opportunity to make new special moments with your family & friends (when we are allowed to) durning these challenging times. You never know when you will lose your chance to do so.

"Life should not only be lived, it should be celebrated". ~ Osho

Celebrate! 

Richard

Remember When.......

This week's blog comes courtesy of My Michelle. 

This coming week, Richard and I will be celebrating 32 years of marriage.  You know how people always say, "where did the time go", "it seems like it was just yesterday", or "you haven't changed at all".  Well a few weeks back, Richard and Jonathan rigged up our old VCR and we watched our wedding video from 1988.  Well, it was definitely 32 years ago and  we definitely have changed!  But, it was really so much fun to talk to the kids about the "back story" and relive the memories of that day.  

There is something so magical in memories and telling stories of times gone by to your kids.  Its an enduring thing in families I think.  I know my brothers and sisters and I loved to hear my mom's version of how she and my dad had met back in the 50's, how they had met at a barn dance, how he had asked her to dance and she turned him down!  Dad would tease her and tell another version of the story, and well, long story short and after much eye rolling, thank goodness dad persevered and the rest, as they say, is history!  We were digging through some old documents the other day that Richard's mom had saved and came across some love letters from his dad to his mom that she had lovingly saved.  So happy we have these memories to share and pass on to our children, the stories of our lives.

One of the great things about our wedding video is how it captured the music, the dancing, all the fun that we remembered during our reception. Seeing all the disco dance moves, watching that crazy conga line, all of the bridesmaids in their beautiful blue dresses swirling about the dance floor.  Pure Magic!  Re-living the beautiful speeches, words of advice and wishes from our loved ones.  Then there we were: so young, so optimistic, the world at our feet.  Richard had graduated from teaching at Queen's the day before, and I had just completed my third year. We were in such a hurry to get started and share our lives together.

I guess it is only natural heading into this anniversary to be particularly thoughtful and remembering days gone by.  We have a shadow hanging over us all for sure, as we battle through these days.  For us it is a battle for time and preserving Richard's health.  We have scans, tests and treatments that create a great deal of anxiety for all of our family. It is as much an emotional and mental battle as it is a physical one.  What helps?  As you surely know by now, we love music and dancing.  One of our favourite songs is an oldie by Alan Jackson called "Remember When", a tear jerker for sure.  It is truly a song suited to anniversaries and about a love and life well shared.  

If I could, I'd still do it all again!  

Put on the music Richard, meet me in the kitchen and let the dancing continue!

And we'll remember when.

Love Michelle

Anticipating a perfect summer day!

We are so happy that the weather has finally improved and we can all get outside and enjoy some sun in the backyard. It has been a long few weeks being cooped up in the house. Cabin fever was beginning to set in for sure for us.

Michelle and I love to garden. It gives us great satisfaction to clear away the dead debris from our gardens and around our pool to see the perennials and hosta plants trying to peek out towards the sun. We swear that they grow a few centimetres by the end of that first day of cleaning. We love to go to the nursery and pick out our vegetable patch plants and our beautiful hanging baskets the colours and aromas in the nursery are a sure sign of Spring. Luckily the nurseries have been allowed to open this week so we can get to visit them.

We take great pride in our backyard oasis. It takes several days to get it back into shape after the winter. We are amazed at how quickly the weeds can grow (faster then the perennials for sure) in the gardens and in between the interlocking stones.  This week we bought four yards of mulch and have been topping up the beds with it. Amazing what a light topping of rich, black mulch can do to control the weeds and make it look so good. I am thankful that I am still able to fully work in the garden and am really surprised that my stamina remains (although I must admit that I can't go at the pace that I once did). No full out energizer bunny mode however. Slow and steady wins the race, right?

Another sure sign of spring is our annual pool opening. We opened our pool late last year and regretted it, as the warm weather came early and we missed out on a few good weeks in & by the pool. This year we decided to open the pool early. That was a mistake. We have had several days of snow (yes snow) and rain since it has opened. We decided not to turn on the heater. You can't win! We hope to finally turn on the heater this weekend and begin to fully enjoy our pool. Lounging by the pool is so relaxing. It is one of our favourite things to do in our backyard.

Our BBQ has already been busy grilling a variety of menu items. We are currently in the middle of an Erdmann family rib fest contest. Jonathan, Joshua and Michelle have all had a turn so far making their own dry rub and bbq rib sauces. It has been a close and delicious contest for sure. I'm not sure I can top those rib sauces but I will give it a try later this month. We haven't had our pizza oven on the bbq yet but maybe we will be able to get it going this weekend. We are also excited for our first bonfire of the season. Nothing is better then sitting around a crackling fire, roasting marshmallows and watching the glowing flames dance in the moon light. 

Finally it is almost badminton season. We can't wait! The Erdmann's love badminton and we take it very seriously. Our net broke last year so we are a bit delayed in the start of the season. If you happen to get a glimpse of us playing you will most likely witness a gentle game of 'how many volleys can we get over the net' quickly turn into a spike drive battle where the birdie usually ends up torpedoed into someone's body. Don't be fooled, we are fierce badminton players. Watch out! 

I am hopeful that I will still be able to participate fully in these wonderful family outdoor activities this summer. At the moment it looks very promising. My health has been good and I am able to fully participate in all of them at this time. I hope it stays that way! These activities allow us all the time to take our mind off of our current circumstances. They are a wonderful distraction for sure. They bring us joy and bring our family together. More great memories.

Sunshine is the best medicine!

I hope that you are enjoying your backyards and families too. Make new memories and treasure those moments you make together.

Richard

Is this our new Normal?

Earlier in the week, on our trip to our local grocery store Michelle and I ran into a former colleague and friend of mine who has recently moved away. We were surprised to see her back in Newmarket.  Her first instinct was to come over and give Michelle a big hug but she quickly stopped herself after remembering the social distancing rules. She smiled and offered a warm greeting instead. It was a bit of an awkward moments for all three of us. If things were 'normal' or as they used to be, a big hug would have surely been given and appropriate under the circumstances. We all seem to be missing the human contact of others at this time.  Is this our new normal?

On our daily walks through the nature trails of Newmarket, whenever we come across others walking on the path, we quickly go into single file formation, like we are in the military. Michelle says that I go into formation way too early! Most times, the other people on the path do the same for us, but not always! We sometimes end up off the path and on the grass to be sure to keep a safe distance away from others. Is this our new normal?

Ordering items online before Christmas this year was a new novelty for Michelle and I as we had never done online shopping to any great scale before. We were amazed to find all the items that we were looking for and having them delivered straight to our home. We were definitely impressed at the time as it was quick, convenient and saved us time. 

Lately, online shopping has been our only option for us for most of our purchases. We have even tried curb side pickup. I must say that this is definitely not our preferred method of shopping. The time spent scrolling through the items online (trying to find the specific brand we are looking for) and the wait time (sometimes a few days) for the item to be ready for pick up as well as the wait time in your car for the item to be brought to your car has proven to be a bit frustrating. Is this our new normal?

We have even tried online grocery shopping for a few weeks. The novelty has definitely worn off for this as well! We miss grocery shopping in person. Often the items we have tried to purchase have not been available online or are out of stock. It is also not very convenient to order groceries several days in advance as often we run out of them early and have to make a quick trip to the grocery store anyway. This will not be our new normal!

Our three kids are pro's at ordering Uber Eats. We are trying to support local restaurants at least once a week during this time of staying at home (we are also tired of cooking dinners too so this gives us a making dinner break too). We downloaded the UberEats app and ordered food. To our disappointment the order arrived with items missing and with the added fees, the price of the meal was too high in my opinion. I guess I'm just old fashioned and cheap! I would much rather just pick up my take out food. This will not be our new normal (at least for Michelle and I, our kids are another story. They love to order online) !

As our government announces that our economy is beginning to reopen and our day to day lives 'may' begin to return to some form of 'normal' again, I can tell you that I am actually still quite scared. I am scared of getting Covid-19. Although my doctors have indicated that my immune system is not compromised at the moment, I still worry about contracting the virus in my current condition. I do feel that I have several of the risk factors for sure. We have been staying home for the most part, washing our hands regularly and following expected guidelines. Better safe than sorry.

We will all need to remain vigilant and continue to be cautious. I know for sure that I will still be following the guidelines closely even after restrictions have been lifted. 

I guess this will be my new normal!

Stay well, stay safe.

Richard

Unsinkable! #Unsinkable

A big thank you to Unsinkable for sharing my story and my personal cancer blog!  You can find my article under the Neighbourhood Heroes section. The article is called Fighting Cancer with Positivity. Check it out if you get a chance.  

Thanks to all for following my journey!

Richard

New Year, New Decade....

2020 is now upon us! Hard to believe that a new decade has begun. I must say that I am happy to see the year 2019 go! It was not one of my favourite years to say the least.  Although the year included my retirement in June from education after 30+ years (which was a wonderful celebration with friends and colleagues), it quickly turned into a total focus on cancer in August. Not the way I wanted to start my retirement and my new adventures. Not the end to the decade that I was imagining. We can’t always choose our journey. Sometimes our journey takes an unexpected turn and personal timelines need to be adjusted. 

With the reality of a new year, new decade upon us, I can honestly say that my long term positive outlook has waned recently.  As the new year begins, I am at times melancholy. Being told that you have Stage 4 Cancer does that to you.  I now focus more on the weeks and months rather than longer term. I plan to make the most of the time that I have, focusing on the things that matter most to me: my wife, family, friends and relationships. I will be focusing on moments rather than things.  Time to let go of the things that are beyond my control. My family's happiness and positive outlook are within our control. We choose POSITIVE! We choose HOPE! We choose HAPPINESS!

My most recent CTScan shows my disease remains stable. We take this as positive news.  I have one more round of chemo in January before we take a break and go on maintenance therapy. I never thought that I would be happy with being labelled ‘status quo’ or 'on maintenance' but at this point, status quo is looking pretty good!  Being stuck in neutral is our new normal. 

Save your Tears for Something Sad

Michelle and I are both Downton Abbey fans. We loved watching the show every Sunday night. Michelle would make a delicious dessert to have while watching the show each week. I really miss those desserts ever since the show has ended! We were excited to hear that a full length film version of the show was in the works. We went to see the film in the theatres when it came out a few months ago.

One of the scenes resonated with me while watching the movie. 

Spoiler Alert! Don't read the next paragraph if you haven't seen the movie yet or don't want one of the story lines revealed (don't say I didn't warn you!) 

Near the end of the movie we learn that Dowager Countess of Grantham is dying and only has a short time left to live. She pulls Lady Marry aside to tell her that she is terminally ill. This quote near the end of the movie touched me:

Our eternally witty Countess says... “Save your tears for something sad, because there’s nothing sad here.   I have lived a privileged and an interesting life"..."I'll be fine, until I am not".

Save your tears for something sad because there is nothing sad here. I truly believe this. I am saddened that my time with my family will be shortened but am thankful for the time that I have had and still have with them.  We have had many great family adventures and wonderful times. As Dr. Seuss said, "Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened." I choose to smile and enjoy the memories that we have made together and the times that we have shared together. I hope to share many more this year.

I also believe that I have truly lived a privileged and interesting life. I would not change a thing (except for the cancer part of course!). I have had many great adventures with Michelle and our children and also with my friends and colleagues.  I have been, and continue to be, blessed.  

New Year- There are more adventures that await! Stay tuned.....and I'll be fine until I am not.

Richard