Together Is My Favourite Place To Be

This week's blog is courtesy of My Michelle

I am sitting and writing this little note with my laptop on my knee, outside, my feet  up on an ottoman and looking out over our backyard.  What a view!  Our gardens have really come along this year, and with most of them being perennials, we are just getting ready for the summer time show and next round of blooms now that the peonies are fading.  Richard is lounging on the sofa beside me, finally taking time to relax and rest a bit - admiring all of his hard work.  He is my chief gardener, flower bed digger upper,  and all around pool maintenance guy!  It's a hard thing to get him to slow down and rest.  He is always up, busy, finding something to do, or fix, or organize.  But you see, this week we have entered into the second round of chemo, and this is hitting him a little harder than the last series.  A few more side effects, a bit more fatigue, and well the acknowledgement really of the need to slow down, just a bit.  I must admit it's hitting me harder too emotionally.  This week I find too, that the kids  are a little more sombre, a little more considerate and checking in on their dad.

We've been planning a few day trips to visit some of our favourite local spots, with the next one on our list to be the beautiful Niagara on the Lake.  We had a lovely day planned for tomorrow and are just discussing should we go or not.  Our conversation is going something like "Well, it is a bit of a drive, we are kind of tired, what will it really accomplish".  We need to be careful as he is immunocompromised and of course be in consideration with the ever present risks of COVID-19.  But at the end of the day, we are hoping that a change of scenery, maybe a stop at a special little hat store (I want to buy him a hat!), pick up a bottle of wine or two and just getting away, will give our spirits a little lift.  Sometimes you just have to put one foot in front of the other, venture out and go for it!    

We certainly had plans for more grand adventures, more travel, more experiences in far a way places.  While at times we are disappointed that things are not quite working out the way we planned,  I have to say,  all of that really doesn't matter, not really, because together, well that's my favourite place to be.

Love 

Michelle

SCAN-xiety 2.0- Unwelcome News

Previously, in my blogpost entitled SCAN-xiety, I talked about the rollercoaster ride cancer patients and their families go through regarding tests and scans. In that post I described the intense emotions that each test cycle creates for me personally and for my family. It all starts with the worry and wonder leading up to the test. Followed by the anxiousness on the day of the test and finally the concern and the dread of the possible results or outcomes from the test. I must say that waiting for the test results is definitely the most challenging part. Hence the term, SCAN-xiety. 

Last week, I had my regularly scheduled CT scan (which I have booked approximately every three months to keep us and my medical team up to date on the progress of my treatment). It was, like previous scans, fairly routine except perhaps for the new hospital protocols that are in place due to the ongoing COVID-19 issues.  The CT scan itself takes about 15 minutes. The machine pushes you into a cylinder tube that is rotating. It tells you to hold your breath for five seconds (it seems longer than that).  The platform then moves you slowly out of the tube (while you are holding your breath). This happens a few times. Fairly painless overall, except for a few slightly claustrophobic panic moments in the CT scan tube perhaps.  And then you wait! Waiting is painful, not literally but emotionally. 

Usually you wait until your next scheduled appointment with your oncologist to get the scan results however a few days after my scan I received a call from the hospital to indicate that my oncologist wanted to book a phone consult with me.  This was a week earlier than anticipated to discuss the results, which is not usually a good sign. Our family's anxiety levels immediately starting rising after getting off the phone. 

Unfortunately my early phone call was not good news. My most recent CT scan results had shown that my first line of treatment, which had been successful up until this point, was no longer controlling the spread or stopping the growth of my disease. My oncologist indicated that it was time to move onto the second line of treatment options. 

With our medical team, we are now in the process of determining our next steps, which will definitely include a new round of chemotherapy, a new cocktail of chemo drugs to fight this disease.

However disappointing and discouraging this news is for me and my family, we fight on! It is very hard to reconcile this news, with outward appearances and how I feel overall.  My energy level is good, my appetite is good, my outlook is hopeful and I continue to do most all of the things I normally would be doing.  We stay positive and we hope and pray for better news to come. 

We will not give up!  

"Being challenged in life is inevitable, being defeated is optional" ~ Roger Crawford

Richard

Is this our new Normal?

Earlier in the week, on our trip to our local grocery store Michelle and I ran into a former colleague and friend of mine who has recently moved away. We were surprised to see her back in Newmarket.  Her first instinct was to come over and give Michelle a big hug but she quickly stopped herself after remembering the social distancing rules. She smiled and offered a warm greeting instead. It was a bit of an awkward moments for all three of us. If things were 'normal' or as they used to be, a big hug would have surely been given and appropriate under the circumstances. We all seem to be missing the human contact of others at this time.  Is this our new normal?

On our daily walks through the nature trails of Newmarket, whenever we come across others walking on the path, we quickly go into single file formation, like we are in the military. Michelle says that I go into formation way too early! Most times, the other people on the path do the same for us, but not always! We sometimes end up off the path and on the grass to be sure to keep a safe distance away from others. Is this our new normal?

Ordering items online before Christmas this year was a new novelty for Michelle and I as we had never done online shopping to any great scale before. We were amazed to find all the items that we were looking for and having them delivered straight to our home. We were definitely impressed at the time as it was quick, convenient and saved us time. 

Lately, online shopping has been our only option for us for most of our purchases. We have even tried curb side pickup. I must say that this is definitely not our preferred method of shopping. The time spent scrolling through the items online (trying to find the specific brand we are looking for) and the wait time (sometimes a few days) for the item to be ready for pick up as well as the wait time in your car for the item to be brought to your car has proven to be a bit frustrating. Is this our new normal?

We have even tried online grocery shopping for a few weeks. The novelty has definitely worn off for this as well! We miss grocery shopping in person. Often the items we have tried to purchase have not been available online or are out of stock. It is also not very convenient to order groceries several days in advance as often we run out of them early and have to make a quick trip to the grocery store anyway. This will not be our new normal!

Our three kids are pro's at ordering Uber Eats. We are trying to support local restaurants at least once a week during this time of staying at home (we are also tired of cooking dinners too so this gives us a making dinner break too). We downloaded the UberEats app and ordered food. To our disappointment the order arrived with items missing and with the added fees, the price of the meal was too high in my opinion. I guess I'm just old fashioned and cheap! I would much rather just pick up my take out food. This will not be our new normal (at least for Michelle and I, our kids are another story. They love to order online) !

As our government announces that our economy is beginning to reopen and our day to day lives 'may' begin to return to some form of 'normal' again, I can tell you that I am actually still quite scared. I am scared of getting Covid-19. Although my doctors have indicated that my immune system is not compromised at the moment, I still worry about contracting the virus in my current condition. I do feel that I have several of the risk factors for sure. We have been staying home for the most part, washing our hands regularly and following expected guidelines. Better safe than sorry.

We will all need to remain vigilant and continue to be cautious. I know for sure that I will still be following the guidelines closely even after restrictions have been lifted. 

I guess this will be my new normal!

Stay well, stay safe.

Richard

Unsinkable! #Unsinkable

A big thank you to Unsinkable for sharing my story and my personal cancer blog!  You can find my article under the Neighbourhood Heroes section. The article is called Fighting Cancer with Positivity. Check it out if you get a chance.  

Thanks to all for following my journey!

Richard

Uncertain Times

Wow! What a week!

I guess my questions from last week's blog SCAN-xiety have been answered! Social distancing and staying at home are the new norm for all of us, and it seems will remain that way for the foreseeable future. We are happy to report that we have not joined the frenzy for toilet paper hoarding and will not be joining the lines at Costco any time soon! We will be trying online grocery shopping again, doing lots of home cooking/baking and occasionally supporting local restaurants through take out.

How life has changed so quickly for all of us. Just last week we were free to come and go as we pleased. This week, we are all being asked to respect social distancing, to stay at home, avoiding going out into public unless absolutely necessary. We can view this as either a bother or a blessing. As a family, we choose to consider this a blessing! This has given us more time as a family. It has forced us to slow down. It has provided us with time to reflect (and even time for a few naps!) I must admit that we have been staying in our jammies for most of the morning. Another new normal I guess!  

It is definitely a scary time for all of us but especially for those of us that are immune compromised. 

Treatments and appointments must continue regardless of the growing pandemic around us! On Monday I went for an echocardiogram at the hospital. To be honest, Michelle and I were a little concerned about going to the hospital at all under the circumstances. When we arrived, we were greeted by two nurses and a security guard in full protective gear. We were asked a few questions, given some hand sanitizer and sent to the welcome centre to register. I have to say that I have never seen the hospital so empty and quiet. It was a bit eery. It is usually bustling with people and activity. My paperwork was ready as soon as we arrived on the second floor. Even when we got to the waiting room (which is usually packed with people), it was almost completely empty. I was seen almost immediately and we were in an out of the hospital, in less than 45 minutes. A new record I believe!

Next week, I need to return to the cancer centre for my maintenance treatment. I must admit that I am a little nervous about it. Not about the treatment itself, as I have had two already, but nervous about actually going into the hospital. I know that they will have safeguards in place, but I am still a little concerned about gathering with others, especially as the COVID-19 statistics keep increasing.  All cancer patients are immune compromised (and probably they and their loved ones all have the same worry). We must remember that hospital staff (our local heroes) are dealing with patients every day. They are putting their personal safety at risk each day, to help those of us in need. Our treatments are essential. My concerns and worries are not really an option at this point.  

I have always been impressed with the medical staff, support workers and volunteers at the hospital/cancer centre but I must say again how thankful I am for their courage and devotion to all of us that are ill. We can not thank them enough for their efforts.

On the home front, we are all managing well. All I can say is thank goodness for the internet! All of us have been surfing the net (probably more than we should be) but for the most part it has been a great distraction from the fear and anxiety that can creep in, if we let it. We are trying to limit the amount of time watching the news as this activity seems to strike more fear and anxiety rather than calm us down. We are going for a daily walk around the nature trails in Newmarket (keeping a safe social distance from others and trying to go out at non peak times). We are so fortunate to have this trail system in our town. These daily nature breaks help to lift our spirits, provide some much needed exercise and helps to reduce the chance of cabin fever setting in. A bonus side effect of self distancing and staying home for the most part has been that we are making more homemade meals (fresh bread, stews, soups, etc.) and having less take out. We even have been taking turns as a family making dinners. A second surprising bonus has been that for the most part, we have not yet got on each others nerves. I guess moments of self isolation (ie. the kids spending time in their rooms) has helped. Time will tell if this all changes. We will keep you posted. LOL.

Stay safe, stay strong! Stay positive!

#StaySafeStayHome  #socialdistancing 

Richard

SCAN-xiety

Last week I went for my second maintenance treatment at the cancer centre. After I had made myself comfortable in the infusion chair, the attending nurse asked me when was my last visit with my oncologist? I quickly explained that I had just visited him last Friday to get the results from my recent CT scan. She followed up with a question about the CT scan results. She was very careful to say it in a way that would be supportive regardless of my response (either positive or negative). Luckily I was able to give her a positive response this time. My recent CT scan results indicated no new growth of my tumours. This was, as I was told, good news. My oncologist was pleased with the results and booked a follow up CT scan in three months time.  

The nurse then went on to tell me about her friend, who had breast cancer and her reaction to these tests. She explained that her friend used to call the lead up to getting these test results as having "SCAN-xiety". This immediately resonated with me. This was so true. 

These scans are meant to give us an update on the progress or lack of progress in fighting this disease and yes, they can be very anxiety inducing. You never quite know what the results will be and the waiting time between the actual scan and seeing your oncologist about the results can be a nerve racking time. 

I believe (if my count is accurate) that I have had four CT scans and three MRI's since being diagnosed with cancer in August, along with a series of other tests and procedures. I previously talked about these tests in my blog post, Needles, Scans and Tests Oh My! For the most part, the results have been fairly positive but let me tell you that slow walk to the cancer centre that Michelle and I have taken several times over the past few months have been stressful and anxious each time. As I have stated, so far the results have been relatively positive (since the initial results that were a devastating blow to our family). We hope they stay positive for a long time!

New Anxiety

A new anxiety is fast emerging in our family and I am sure in your family as well. We are all now concerned about the Coronavirus. This is scary new territory for all of us but especially for those of us with lower immune systems, who are at higher risk according to Health officials. As a family, we are asking ourselves: Should I/we be going out in public? Do I/we shake hands with people?  How do we react when people lean in for a hug? Maybe with the social distancing request from Public Health, this will not be an issue for me. Do we need to join the frenzy and stock up on toilet paper and canned goods too?  Should I be going out, should I go out to restaurants, can we go to the mall with the concerns about large crowds? 

I guess for now we will take it day by day (as all of us must do) and make informed decisions about what is in the best interest of our family's health. I have to admit that these are scary times. 

We are trying to remain calm and stay positive. We hope that you are able to do the same.

Keep calm and hand wash on!

Richard