Not Playing the Waiting Game!

I was going to call this week's blog, The Waiting Game, mostly because that is what our/my life seems to be right now, a never ending waiting game! Waiting for test results, waiting for next steps in my treatment and waiting for this lockdown to be lifted so life can return to some sort of 'the new normal'. Most of all we are waiting to check off more of our family bucket list items that are currently on hold. I guess we are all experiencing our own personal waiting game. This week, when I was discussing possible blog topics and titles with Michelle, like we do most weeks, she quickly pointed out that despite the waiting game that we are on, life still goes on, and despite cancer touching our lives, we've all made conscious efforts not to wait and to keep moving forward.

She reminded me that we really do have so much to celebrate and be thankful for, even during these dark times. While we feel like we are 'stuck in neutral' , life continues on for better or worse. She was quick to remind me of all the "better" moments that have been happening in our family's life over the past few weeks and months. It really helped to refocus my thoughts and reflect on some of the good milestones and positives. Sometimes we can get lost in a never ending cycle of negativity and disappointments, focused on cancer and treatments, and waiting for the next best thing, or any thing really, to happen. So with this in mind, and with a refocused attitude, I have to share that we actually have been doing more and we are not always playing a waiting game!

Over the past few weeks we have many instances to celebrate and be thankful for the blessings that have come our way. Michelle just accepted a new global role with her company.  She has worked hard for this and we are so very proud of her and I am so glad I am here to share it with her. Despite our personal family obstacles and support she gives me, she has remained strong and continues to be focused on loving us but also providing excellence in her career.  It's not easy and I know how worried she is about everything, but she keeps going.  Jonathan has completed his university degree and is exploring a variety of options that will use his skills and talents. He recently has been doing some stock footage/time lapse 4K video and posting it for sale.  Not easy to keep moving forward, when much of the film industry has slowed, and just when you are trying to launch.  Josh continues to move ahead in his job and at the same time he is exploring further post university studies. Not easy to keep working and advancing during a pandemic and we are so proud of him.  Sophie, our youngest, is a candidate to graduate with distinction from Queens, and has just completed her application to a Masters program. Her little sticker shop "Opal and Fern" just celebrated its first anniversary and has generated over two thousand item sales in its first year. An amazing achievement. Not easy to keep excelling at university and launching a business, when I know how worried she is about me, when she should be just enjoying her university years, but she keeps on reaching and we are so proud.  Even I have kept moving forward.  On a personal note, I supported a colleague in writing an article for the Canadian Association of Principals journal focused on leadership during the pandemic, was named as an author and it was published this month. This is one more  bucket item that I can cross off the list!  

Other positives include the health of my family remains good (except for me of course). We are generally happy and are managing/coping pretty well during this pandemic. Despite the constraints, we seem to be navigating it pretty well (even with five adults under one roof) at least from my point of view. Our little Lily continues to be the bright light for all of us and we just adore her. What a wonderful addition to our family.  

Michelle is right, we aren't  stuck in neutral, life goes on, we go on, and we need to appreciate these moments, the effort and celebrate all along the way!

No more waiting!

Richard

Is this our new Normal?

Earlier in the week, on our trip to our local grocery store Michelle and I ran into a former colleague and friend of mine who has recently moved away. We were surprised to see her back in Newmarket.  Her first instinct was to come over and give Michelle a big hug but she quickly stopped herself after remembering the social distancing rules. She smiled and offered a warm greeting instead. It was a bit of an awkward moments for all three of us. If things were 'normal' or as they used to be, a big hug would have surely been given and appropriate under the circumstances. We all seem to be missing the human contact of others at this time.  Is this our new normal?

On our daily walks through the nature trails of Newmarket, whenever we come across others walking on the path, we quickly go into single file formation, like we are in the military. Michelle says that I go into formation way too early! Most times, the other people on the path do the same for us, but not always! We sometimes end up off the path and on the grass to be sure to keep a safe distance away from others. Is this our new normal?

Ordering items online before Christmas this year was a new novelty for Michelle and I as we had never done online shopping to any great scale before. We were amazed to find all the items that we were looking for and having them delivered straight to our home. We were definitely impressed at the time as it was quick, convenient and saved us time. 

Lately, online shopping has been our only option for us for most of our purchases. We have even tried curb side pickup. I must say that this is definitely not our preferred method of shopping. The time spent scrolling through the items online (trying to find the specific brand we are looking for) and the wait time (sometimes a few days) for the item to be ready for pick up as well as the wait time in your car for the item to be brought to your car has proven to be a bit frustrating. Is this our new normal?

We have even tried online grocery shopping for a few weeks. The novelty has definitely worn off for this as well! We miss grocery shopping in person. Often the items we have tried to purchase have not been available online or are out of stock. It is also not very convenient to order groceries several days in advance as often we run out of them early and have to make a quick trip to the grocery store anyway. This will not be our new normal!

Our three kids are pro's at ordering Uber Eats. We are trying to support local restaurants at least once a week during this time of staying at home (we are also tired of cooking dinners too so this gives us a making dinner break too). We downloaded the UberEats app and ordered food. To our disappointment the order arrived with items missing and with the added fees, the price of the meal was too high in my opinion. I guess I'm just old fashioned and cheap! I would much rather just pick up my take out food. This will not be our new normal (at least for Michelle and I, our kids are another story. They love to order online) !

As our government announces that our economy is beginning to reopen and our day to day lives 'may' begin to return to some form of 'normal' again, I can tell you that I am actually still quite scared. I am scared of getting Covid-19. Although my doctors have indicated that my immune system is not compromised at the moment, I still worry about contracting the virus in my current condition. I do feel that I have several of the risk factors for sure. We have been staying home for the most part, washing our hands regularly and following expected guidelines. Better safe than sorry.

We will all need to remain vigilant and continue to be cautious. I know for sure that I will still be following the guidelines closely even after restrictions have been lifted. 

I guess this will be my new normal!

Stay well, stay safe.

Richard

Stuck in Neutral

Currently I find myself stuck in neutral.  Not really able to really move forward. There are so many things that we would like to do as a couple and as a family but for the moment can't really move forward because of the uncertainty of what is next in my cancer journey.  It is difficult to really plan too far in advance. My current three week cycle of treatment doesn't really allow for long term planning. For one of those three weeks I'm literally tied down to chemotherapy, the second week to recover, and while the third week is good, you are already psyching up for it to start all over again.  This is hard on me, and doubly so for our family.  As well, we don't really know what the future holds, so it basically means that we are planning week by week, cycle by cycle for now.

I can't return to life before my cancer diagnosis and can't really move forward in any great capacity either.  My current focus really needs to be on the present. This leaves me stuck in neutral. This is frustrating for me as I am the type of person that wants to move forward and get things done!

Daily Life Routines

Life goes on. The predictability of daily life helps to keep you busy. There are always things to do around the house. It never seems to end. I have even begun to get to those 'tasks' that we have been putting off years. Cleaning closets & cupboards, organizing files etc. You know you are getting bored when you actually get to these items!

I must remember that there are really two reasons for my current feelings of being stuck in neutral. 

I sometimes forget that I just recently retired in June, from a career of over 30+ years in education. The impact of this change means I am just now adjusting to this new, slower pace of life. I must say that I miss working. I miss the action, the busy days, the interactions with students, staff and families. Some days were overwhelmingly busy, to the point of exhaustion. Working as a principal in an elementary school can be very chaotic and busy. Dealing with all of the issues and concerns that come forward each day but your day was never boring or neutral!  I must remind myself that this adjustment period is part of the process of retirement which would have happened regardless of my current circumstances.

The second reason is my cancer diagnosis. This has definitely thrown a curve ball into my retiring planning. It has meant a revision to our current bucket list plans. Some of our dreams, wishes and hopes for the future are currently on hold but that doesn't mean that we can't enjoy life's pleasures.

Bucket List Revised

Prior to my diagnosis, Michelle and I created a bucket list of all of the places we wanted to visit or revisit after retiring. In a matter of a few minutes our list had grown to at least fifteen places all around the world. We love to travel! Having three kids in university over the past five years has really limited our ability to go on any major holiday excursion.  For my retirement, Michelle had arranged for us to go to New York City to attend the US Open (both being tennis fans, one of our retirement dreams was to visit each of the four major grand slam tennis tournaments) as well as go to see Billy Joel in concert at Madison Square Gardens. Even though we didn't want to accept it, we soon realized that traveling out of country was not the best option, and for the moment, put this trip on pause.

With my diagnosis, most of our bucket list plans have come to a pause. I use the word pause instead of cancelled because our hope is that we can reactivate this bucket list in the future.  So for now, we are currently revising our bucket list. Finding special events, activities and moments to share with each other closer to home. Lots of great memories have already been made and we are planning many more!

This is not to say that we haven't achieved many of our bucket list items already.

This week we purchased last minute tickets to see Elton John in Toronto. This is something that we would have never done in the past. We are not last minute people, but we had so much fun! This is something we are going to have to do more often now. Be spontaneous, be willing to go with the flow and just do it!

My advice to all is not to wait! Start checking off your bucket list items now. There will never be enough time, money or circumstances that are just right. Expand your bucket list to include events that are close to home and easy to achieve.

Remember, enjoy life and all of your adventures while you are healthy and able to enjoy them with your family and friends.

Richard