Fireworks - It's not what you think!

 This week's blog post was written on Tuesday, June 30th.

I am writing this blog post sitting in my chemo chair in the cancer centre on this glorious Tuesday morning. This week I was fortunate to have a chemo chair by the window overlooking the beautiful newly planted hospital gardens, with a blue sky and the sun shining so brightly over the town of Newmarket. If I wasn't sitting here in this chair right now, I would most certainly be sitting by our pool drinking my second cup of coffee, talking with Michelle and watching the birds in our backyard take their morning bath in our birdbath. Being here, stuck in this chair, gives me lots of time to think, contemplate and write.  My treatment today will last 2.5 hours. I am currently in my second round of treatment in this new series. My new chemotherapy plan calls for weekly chemo infusions in a three week cycle. Every fourth week I have a week off. Yay!

I found out that I don't need a PICC line installed on my arm this time. This means no bottle buddy ! I sure don't miss him. (For those of you that don't know who bottle buddy is, it was the nickname given to my portable chemo bottle that I had to wear for a week at a time during my last series of chemotherapy). Having no bottle buddy means that I can still go swimming, take showers without assistance and wear short sleeved t-shirts. Wonderful news for sure, especially over these hot summer days. For the moment, I am free to enjoy all that summer offers.

Internal Fireworks

My side effects this time seem to be a little harsher. The days following my treatment have been tiresome. I'm not as energetic (hyper) as I usually am. I seem more irritable and 'grumpy'. At times I have what can best be described as 'mini fireworks' happening inside my body. These little 'sparks' or 'zaps' seem to be most intensified in my legs & arms but sometimes they occur throughout my body. They are not really painful but do cause some discomfort and are surprising at times. It's like I am having my own mini Canada Day fireworks display going on inside my body, lol.  Luckily, so far, I still don't have any nausea or vomiting. This is great news to me.  I also have infrequent numbness in my arms and hands, but overall I do feel fortunate to still have mostly minor side effects at this time. We shall see how it goes as we continue these treatments. Fingers crossed it stays this way.

As I sit here in my chair, I sometimes sneak a little peak at the other cancer patients in their chairs. It is really hard not to do this as you are literally sitting directly across from another patient and there also five others in close proximity. Why are these chairs always full? It always amazes me the number of people that are here. I arrived at 8:30 a.m. this morning as one of the first patients to be seen and by 9:15 all of the chairs were full. There is definitely not a lot of privacy here. Sometimes you see other cancer patients sneaking a peek back at you too. Your eyes make contact for a brief moment. What are they thinking? Probably the same think that I am thinking, why are you here? As I look around the room at some of the other patients receiving their treatment, many of them look very frail, quite pale and seem exhausted from their treatments. This makes me feel like an imposter. I on the other hand have a nice summer tan happening and am generally quite chipper during treatment. If you saw me, you could never tell that I have cancer. This reminds me how important it is to remember that we can't always see the burdens that others are carrying with them. It is so important to treat others with kindness because you don't know what others are going through.

As the time passes in the chair and I sit here listening to music and continue to write this blog post, I hope and pray that these treatments are all worth it. Will they really make a difference? I am openly agreeing to have toxins administered into my body to fend/fight off my cancer. Will they help to stop the spread of my disease? Only time will tell. Right now this is my best and only defence in this important fight. 

It's time to keep calm and carry on! I only have a few more minutes left in treatment until I can enjoy that cup of coffee with Michelle in the backyard! This morning, with you, having coffee.

Richard

The Power of Walking

This week’s blog comes courtesy of My Michelle.

“I’m walking, yes indeed and I’m talking, about you and me!” (Fats Domino)

Richard and I love to exercise and go to the gym, and while his current cancer battle, the restrictions due to COVID 19 and the important need for physical distancing has limited us somewhat, one thing we can definitely do is get outside and WALK!  And walk we do - often averaging 13-15,000 steps at a time. We are so fortunate to live here in Newmarket, where so much attention and planning has gone into creating and preserving greenspace and the provision of extensive walking trails. We walk on the path near our house and have a favourite loop we have mapped out, but we also venture out to the paths around Fairy Lake, the Tom Taylor Trail, as well as along the Nokiidaa Trail.  Appropriately, the word Nokiidaa comes from the Ojibwa and means “Walking Together”.  

On our treks we often run into many old friends and acquaintances, especially folks who know Richard from his 30 plus years in education - peers, families, former students. I actually do not think that I can think of one walk where we didn’t get a “Hi Richard! How are you!”. What’s also great about our walks, is that for the most part, I have Richard all to myself.  To hold hands, to link arms, to encourage him up the hills, to stop and take photos of a point of interest or two, and best of all, to talk. The conversations are different now, more focused on the here and now, logistics of appointments or treatments, things that need to get done, but always with a base of an unspoken appreciation of each other & treasuring our time.  

Lately our son Joshua has been joining us, and this takes the conversation to another place as he is always very concerned for Richard and how he is feeling, likes to see his dad active and walking, encouraging him to work through aches and pains, to keep moving.  Sometimes with physical distancing, I drop behind the two of them as we walk past others, and I love those moments actually, as I see them walk side by side, and I can see how similar they are, same walk, same posture, same stature. There is so much of Richard in each of our children, and I take comfort in that.  

The benefits of walking to your physical and emotional health and management of stress are undeniable. I find at times I am also able to work through issues and problems while I am walking, gaining clarity of thought.  Throw in some sunshine, the promise of some warmer

weather, your loved ones, and well it’s a win-win all around.

It's not where you walk, it's who walks with you.

So join us, lace up your runners, keep calm and walk on.

Love Michelle