And These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

This weeks blog post is a collaboration between Joshua and my Michelle, they have helped me jot down a few of my favourite things.

Being at this stage of my disease and in palliative care I've lost the ability to do a few things,  but there are many things I still enjoy. These are a few of my favourite things.

I love and appreciate a nice hot bath. Because I have a few ports and bandages and my trust worthy pain pump, while I can wrap up and do a shower and wash my hair now and again, I only get to take a bath once a week, after I get all "disconnected". So something I really look forward to is taking all of these tubes and bandages off and submerging myself in a nice hot bubble bath. This is the best feeling in the world. Just sitting there and floating around with the smell of lavender can really make me feel alot better.  I say lavender because Michelle and kids loaded me up with bubble bath on my last birthday- and I really do love it.

I also love going out to dinner and eating!  I don't know if you can tell by reading my blog, but the Erdmann's love going out to eat!   Breakfast, lunch or dinner, it really doesn't matter. We have been especially looking forward to eating breakfast on a patio. Eggs benedict, waffles, home fries or anything really! It doesn't matter as long as someone else is making it. Last weekend we drove up to Keswick on an errand and ended up eating lunch lakeside, on the edge of Georgian Bay at a lovely restaurant. It was a heavenly day, the food was good, and the company wasn't too bad either hahaha.  We had my IV and pain pump concealed in a back pack, and I was able to manage the short walk from the parking lot to the patio.  We hope to do it again soon. Breakfast is next on the list. In fact, having such great success with this outing, I've started to book a few more.  In a couple weeks, I look forward to meeting up on the patio with the Ramerwood Public School retirees.  Sorry to all of you who are heading back to the classroom!

Music, music, music - I love music and especially live music.  I'm sure you are like me and really missing this with all of the COVID restrictions we've been experiencing.  Well things are opening up a bit and I can't wait.  This week I was surprised with concert tickets to a band I have always wanted to see. Maroon 5. I haven't been to an outdoor concert in a long time. We've got a couple of seats in the accessible seating area and I'll come in my wheels, and a few of our kids will be sitting a little closer.  Even though I am in the wheelchair section, they should be really good seats. Looking forward to hear music live for once and accompanied by my family. Josh is even going to drive us down as a personal chauffeur/taxi service. Nothing can beat listening to music outdoors and  under the stars.  We have also been having a few small concerts at home, Jon has been working on the guitar for some old Beatles tunes and this has just been great.

And one more thing I just love - sweets!  Palliative care (and I think it's the steroid actually)  has definitely increased my sweet tooth to an even greater extent. I have been indulging in candies and all sorts of sweets that I love. Chocolate goes down really nicely lol.  Interestingly, right now I get lots of cravings for candies I used to eat in the past and in my childhood such as: goodies,  assorted cadbury chocolate bars (you know those little Halloween size, assorted ones?) and black licorice. Thank goodness my family and friends keep me stocked up with baked goods. Everyday I have something sweet. Why the hell not! Lets see what other candy from the past I will pick out for this weekend. In fact, this week our daughter Sophie made some Christmas cookies - I had a taste for it and who says you can't have Christmas in August!

These are a few of my favorite things right now. Having said that, I can't get the song out of my head from the Sound of Music (These are a few of my favourite things), and in fact, that movie is also one of my favourite things!

But bringing things into 2021 ---Maroon 5, let's put some other songs in our head!  Enjoy, I know we will!

"Because I need a little sweetness in my life,  Sugar, Yes please"

Richard

Home is where the heart is......

This week's blog is co-written by Michelle and myself, a new way to get the blog done on time and with some sort of coherence!   These pain medications sure do play tricks on the mind and I do find it hard to type and write a sentence.

I am fully switched over to palliative care now. Luckily they have a great unit and team of doctors to care for me and us right here in Newmarket. Which is such a blessing, being so close to home, and actually, in our home. So what exactly is palliative care? Up until this point, I didn't really understand it myself. 

Basically, palliative care starts when all other treatments and options have been unsuccessful and the focus of care is on comfort and maintaining the best quality of life for as long as you can.  It is a time for thinking and preparing for difficult decisions and moments, and for having the supports as they are needed in place, whether that is for personal care, nutrition, pain management and support for our family.  It takes great people to be able to work in this area - I really take my hat off to them - it can't be easy.  I also never realized how many people, roles and agencies were involved in the care of someone at home.  It is just amazing and that this seems to all come together.  Again, my thank you for the team at Southlake for their efforts on my behalf.

I am so pleased to still be at home and managed at home.  We are still sorting out the right balance of pain medication to help with my back pain, but also keep me well enough to be up and able to connect with my family.  Right now, I sleep a lot - I mean a lot and in sleep I have less pain, but I do not want to sleep my life away.  I do not have much of an appetite, but I do find that the sweets do go down pretty well!  Michelle has kept me in "butter tarts" and for that I am thankful LOL.

We have been working to get some visits in with family and friends as I can, and this has been so good for my morale.  For some reason I've lost my taste for coffee which is odd, but I love to get together with others and let them have coffee while we visit.

As we head into this long weekend, the last one of summer, treasure your family,  spend time together, and I know that you too will appreciate "there is no place like home".  

Home is where the heart is........

Richard & Michelle

When In Sickness and in Health, Really Matters

In sickness and in health really does say it all! Michelle has fulfilled this marriage vow every step of the way along this life journey we are on. She is the one person who and has been there with me from day one. When we were challenged and moving from good health and life plans, to facing symptoms, all the scans and tests, the big "c" diagnosis,  the radiation, cycles of chemo,  up to my current clinical trial participation, she has been there for me in every possible way. As I wrote in My Michelle, she is the most important person in my life.  

Luckily my current level of care can best be described as minimal in terms of the physical needs as I am fully able to function and support myself in most areas. At least for now anyways! But a burden of care is not just care of sickness and nursing and medicine, it's all the other stuff, the living, the worrying, the supporting of me and our children, and the coping too. Michelle, has been there to provide my with much needed emotional support. This is an area that medicine & treatments can't address. She checks in on me throughout the day to see how I am doing and always tries to lift my spirits. One positive of the COVID pandemic is that she has been able to work from home 100%, so we are always home together.  I know how difficult it must be to remain positive herself, to have high spirits all the time and keep our family going in the right direction. It is a constant worry for her. I know that she often feels helpless and perhaps feels that there is really nothing she can do, but she is doing more than she knows. It means the world to me to have her by my side and to know that she is there for our children. She tries her best to ensure that I am comfortable by providing me with anything that I may need or want (she bakes great pies, LOL!). She is simple amazing! I am not sure how she keeps it all going really.

She is my champion, my advocate and my number one cheerleader. I know that this is not an easy thing to do when your own emotional state must be verging on despair at times.  I know that she is secretly researching and reviewing other trials and treatments in hopes of finding a new path forward that may lead to some more positive results.  Michelle does this work unselfishly (while maybe selfishly hoping for more time). She does it with love, care and compassion. I recognize the toll that this is all taking on her. 

Who cares for the caregivers?

Being a caregiver to a cancer patient is not a 9-5 job. It is 24/7, day and night job. There is no rest or respite for caregivers. This is a role that they did not ask for or ever wanted,  but regardless they take on this almost invisible role with determination and with a sense of purpose. Michelle does this each day with care and compassion.  I try not to be a burden for her and hope that she realizes how much she means to me. Michelle thank goodness I have you in my life.  

It hits me, this is when in sickness and health, really tests you, and really matters.

All my love to you Michelle X0X0

Richard

Health Update: I have now graduated from the 18th floor- Clinical trials space to the Chemo "Daycare" for treatment on the 4th floor at the hospital. Who would have thought that I would be in daycare at my age! LOL. I actually wish that I did not have to move floors! The 18th floor, although busy was nothing like my experience on the 4th floor this week. As always, I continue to be shocked by how many people are dealing with cancer and cancer treatments.  There are so many people and treatments underway, that  you have to take a number and then wait in a large, busy, socially distanced waiting room to be called to let you know which location to go to when it is your turn for treatment. I had to wait 2 hours past my appointment start time before a chair became available. I have been told that there are over one hundred chemo chairs on the floor and they are divided into stations or centres by colour. I was in the purple suite this week. Your actual chemo chair space is not much bigger than a small closet. You can forget about privacy. You are in close proximity to others that is for sure. Thank goodness for my headphones and laptop to keep me distracted and entertained, and what did we do before cell phones and texting to keep in touch.  But truly, I am  thankful that there is a chair and a space for me!

Home Sweet Home

The title says it all, Home Sweet Home! You really don't fully appreciated your own home and all of it's comforts until you are away from home for a period of time. Over the past several weeks I have had to spend an overnight stay in the hospital for monitoring and blood draws. This is part of the requirements for me to be a participant in the trial study.  Although the nursing staff try their best to make you feel as comfortable as possible, it is difficult to replicate the comforts of home. Hospitals are such a sterile environment and rightly so. They need to be. Hotels they are not, that is for sure.

Although we are spending all of our time at home these days with our loved ones, I must say that I really miss my family when in the hospital. It is not the same watching Jeopardy without Michelle and our Miss Lily.  It is not the same eating dinner alone, instead of together at the family table, or being able to walk out the door and spend time in the backyard. I miss knowing where everyone is at in the house, and popping in for visits throughout the day. The comforts of home are just that, comfortable. It can be rather lonely being in the hospital. 

Other than my family, there are a couple more comforts from home that I truly miss. My pillow! The bed covers! Oh how I miss my memory foam pillow and heavy bed coverings from home when I stay at the hospital. I have even secretly asked Michelle if she thought that I would be allowed to bring my own pillow from home with me for my stays. No such luck. The pillows at the hospital are almost useless. They are so flat that they barely lift your head up off the bed. Even asking for a second one doesn't really make much of a difference. I truly miss my memory foam pillow. Michelle and I have become accustomed to a certain number of  blankets with a certain weight on our bed. After 32+ years of marriage we have mastered the 'Goldi-locks" phenomenon of "this one feels just right". When we were first married, I liked light weight and she liked heavy weight blankets. Over the years, she has slowly kept adding more and more blankets on the bed and I find that now I have slowly adjusted and become accustomed and comfortable with the weight of blankets on our bed. It is now actually hard to sleep when that weight is not there, and when she is not there. At the hospital you get one thin sheet and one super thin, light blanket. Not going to do it I am afraid! 

The food! What can I say, culinary dishes they are not. Food in hospitals is notoriously bad. My experiences have proven this again. I havent really eaten any of the meals offered to me for the most part. There must be a great deal of food wastage. It not an easy task to satisfy everyone's taste buds and food needs but I do feel they could do a little better in this department. I must admit I am somewhat spoiled at home for food, we have some awesome meals and baked goods that really are delicious.  My children suggested that I Uber something to my room. I couldn't bring myself to do that, not even sure if that would be allowed. Shhhhh! Even though I wasn't support to leave the hospital, I did sneak out and get some Swiss Chalet take out (next door to the hospital) this week during my stay. 

Being in a semi-private room means that you get the luck of the draw in terms of the window bed and with your patient partner. I have gotten the window bed only once out of the three stays at the hospital.  My roommates have also been diverse. They ranged from two that have said 'hello' and not much else to another that happened to also be from Newmarket. What are the chances! Conversation ensued and we ended up removing the drape barrier between our beds so that we were able to watch the Leafs game together that night on my laptop. Even though he was a Habs fan, I still let him watch the game with me! Go! Leafs! Go!

Luckily, I have completed my three required overnight stays at the hospital, and for now my time at the hospital will be confined to day visits only for treatment. I feel pretty good, tolerating the treatments well, and have great energy.  Let's hope it stays that way for a long time to come!

Cherish your family, and your home (your pillows and blankets!). 

Home, Sweet Home everyone.

Richard

B is for Biopsy

This week brought me back to Southlake Hospital in Newmarket for a liver biopsy.  Although the hospital was fairly quiet, I was still quite surprised to see fairly large numbers of people in the day surgery waiting room. The entire procedure from start to finish was about four and a half hours, although the procedure itself seemed to take less than half an hour. Surprisingly quick and painless, mind you I might have been sedated, so it could have taken a little longer than it seemed. I have to take it easy for a few days (no easy for the Energizer Bunny, but I am trying!).

This biopsy was scheduled by my oncologist to get a better understanding of what is happening with my liver.  This biopsy will hopefully provide us with some much needed new information about the tumours in my liver. Those three stubborn tumors that seem to be resisting all forms of treatment and continue to grow. How dare they! They may be stubborn, but I'm just as stubborn as they are!  Hopefully the results will show some biomarkers and results, that will open up some clinical trials options.   

In the meantime, life goes on! I'm going to try and take it easy for the next week and heal up.  This weekend brings both  Valentines Day and Family Day! Both centre around love and taking a little time to pause and recognize those we love, especially our families. I am so fortunate to have a wife and family that love me. I love them more than words can say. They are my life! I don't know what I would do without them. Michelle is my sweet valentine. She provides me with unconditional love and support. She masks her concern and worry very well, but she has had a few sleepless nights, keeping watch over me as I recover.  We are looking forward to getting some rest this weekend!  Our three kids are the best thing that ever happened to us. We are so proud of each of our children.  I hope they know it.  Family Day gives us that special reason to let them know, and to pause and show how happy I am to have them and our family. This weekend we celebrate love. We celebrate family. 

B is for biopsy, but it is also the "B" in Be my Valentine.

Wishing you a wonderful long weekend. Enjoy your family and spread some love!

Richard

For the Birds!

Well this is the final week before the holiday season officially begins for the Erdmann family. Michelle, Jon and Joshua will be off work for the holidays and Sophia has finished the last of her exams and essays for the term. I am so looking forward to the holidays. Christmas is one of my favourite times of the year. I love the decorations, the lights, the food and the cookies (can't wait to eat all of those cookies)! I am counting my lucky stars that for now, the chemo seems to be working and I'm able to eat most everything.  Bring on that turkey dinner!  For us, Christmas  is a great time to slow down, reconnect and do things that we normally don't have time to get to do. 

Last year our son Joshua bought Michelle and I a wonderful Christmas gift that we make use of each day during the winter. He gave us a bird feeder, a North American bird calendar and bird themed hats. It was a very thoughtful gift. Both Michelle and I love to bird watch, especially from our comfortable chairs in our kitchen. We strategically placed the feeder so that we have a great view of the birds. (We might have had to move it a time or two, to get just the right spot!). We love to see the large majestic Blue Jays and vibrant red Cardinals, along with a variety of other birds that visit our feeder. This summer our feeder had a visit from a rare blue bird, they are gradually coming back to Southern Ontario - it was the most beautiful and vibrant shade of blue.  Nature is amazing!  Occasionally we get a visit from a local squirrel or two who try to get their fill of the seeds too. Although not a welcomed visitor (based on the amount of seeds they eat), a squirrel has to eat too, right?

We love identifying new birds that come to the feeder. It is surprising how many different birds rely on the feeders over the winter. Chickadees are the most common visitors but we do seem to have a pair of Blue Jay and Cardinals that are frequent visitors. We enjoy that they come in pairs to the feeder, a male and female couple. I am still trying to get a good photo of them both. Easier said than done! They seem to visit when my camera is not easily accessible or become easily spooked when I try to take a photo of them. Interestingly some of the other birds are more than willing to remain at the feeder even if I am approaching the feeder to get a good shot.

We say that we are doing it for the birds, keeping them fed over the long, cold winter months, but actually we are doing it for us, as a family. Feeding and watching the birds is another wonderful distraction from our daily worries and troubles. They give us small moments of joy and wonder each day and a reminder that despite what we are going through, life must, and does, go on. Sometimes our feeder will be emptied in just two days. It is our pleasure to refill it to see who will visit next.  

This will be the final blog post for 2020. We can all agree that we are happy to see this year come to an end. We are looking forward to all the promise of better times in the new year. Let's hope they come true for us all.  Over the next two weeks I will be focusing on family and relaxation. My Personal Cancer Journey blog will return in the first week of January. My treatments are going well so far, I am enjoying life, we are staying the course!

Wishing you and your families a wonderful, restful holiday season. Take advantage of this time to reconnect and make some new family memories. Don't forget to feed the birds (and squirrels too).

Look forward to seeing you in 2021!

Richard 

Finding Distractions!

Well I did something that my family told me I should not be doing! In fact they have been trying hard to change my mind about it. One year after I retired from my role as Principal, I have recently decided to rejoin my school board on a part time basis. I am now working remotely as a retired Principal on Contract, supporting the implementation of virtual schools in our school board. This is no easy task. The entire virtual school program is growing rapidly as many families have chosen to have their students stay home and take their classes online due to COVID-19. All education staff are working tirelessly to make this new online learning work. Virtual schools are definitely a work in progress, with all new structures, protocols, and procedures that need to be created. It is like building a plane while flying it! I am proud to support my colleagues in some small way to make it as successful as possible.

You may be asking, Richard are you going crazy? Why would you want to return to work in your current medical condition? Why give up your new carefree lifestyle and freedom? Why would you want all the potential added stress and responsibility again?  Well the answer is quite simple, it is a distraction!

As I have previously mentioned in several blogs, when you get diagnosed with cancer, your whole life is turned upside down. All of your thoughts and actions seem to be focused on the disease and how to manage it, control it and try to get rid of it! Your days become filled with appointments, treatments and coping with side effects. When you are not focused on your cancer care, you have a lot of time to think and reflect. What do you think that I am thinking about most during? You guessed it Cancer! It's hard not to. 

I do have other distractions to help me, including my new loyal buddy Lily, our new puppy. Many of these distractions are much more fun and exciting then working. However, they only last so long and become boring after awhile. As well, winter is coming and my selection of distractions decreases significantly. Being immunocompromised means I basically have to stay home due to the ongoing worry of COVID-19. I do miss my friends and the chance to go out to a restaurant, do some non-essential shopping and visiting others. Staying home gives me a lot of time think. No matter how hard I try, my thoughts always return to my cancer. I think about how it is impacting my family and what the future holds. I worry about the future. I guess this is understandable. I like things to be organized, planned out and somewhat predictable. This disease has blown all of that out of the water. No predictability anymore!

Working part time gives me a purpose, a responsibility, a way to distract myself. It also allows me to use my years of knowledge to support others at this difficult time in education. My kids say that my stress levels have increased and that I am more irritable since taking on this new job. This may be true although I think it is the medications. I take my job responsibilities seriously and want to do a good job. The fact of the matter is that I would be stressed out regardless. Besides this is a different kind of stress, one that gets the adrenaline going in a good way.

It is part time after all, and will only last for a few months. It will keep me occupied and distracted over the winter months. Best of all, it will take my mind off my medical circumstances, even for awhile. I think that makes it worth it!

In the meantime, I will continue to look for other, more exciting distractions. Until then, this should WORK.

Richard

Happiness is medicine too Dad!

Well I said I would not do it. There was no possible way. It just wasn't the right time. How could we possibly add more responsibility and stress to our already busy family lives. With all my tests, procedures and treatments this week and possible ongoing treatment in downtown Toronto, this just wasn't a good time. I was even able to come up with many more valid reasons why this was not a good idea. We already had so much going on, how could we add more to the mix? It would be just crazy. I was so proud of myself for resisting the 'family pressure' - the constant texts and Instagram photos of adorable cocker spaniel puppies. Why was I the only one standing strong and firm. No puppy for the Erdmann family!

Well that didn't last long! All three kids and Michelle kept sending me adorable Instagram photos & videos of cute puppies. Soon I too started to share puppy photos back and forth with the family. There were so many cute and adorable puppies to share. Those puppy eyes. They can be hard to resist. Next Sophie started looking up cocker spaniel breeders and sending information on available puppies in our area. Soon she had us hooked into an appointment to see a breeder in nearby Tottenham. Just to look, only look, at two puppies that were for sale. I agreed to only look! Well we did the unthinkable, we got a new puppy!

We are so pleased to welcome Miss Lily Rose to the Erdmann home. She is absolutely adorable and her puppy eyes are melting our hearts already. It is amazing how she, in such a short period of time, has already transformed our family dynamics. She has somehow helped to lift the cloud hanging over us. Lily has given us all a reason to smile, to laugh and to spend more time together as a family. She has provided us with a wonderful positive distraction when we needed it the most. In less than a week, our sweet Miss "Lily-pad"  has provided our family with so much happiness. As Josh was quick to point out, "Dad, happiness is medicine too!" This is so true. Happiness & laughter really are a form of medicine. It changes your perspective and helps to distract you from your troubles.

For those of you with pets, especially dogs, you know that they provide truly unconditional love. Nothing puts a smile on my face faster than those cute puppy eyes staring at you and that little puppy tail wagging vigorously when she sees you. It was definitely love at first sight when we met little Miss Lily. She is just what the doctor ordered for our family. She is providing the spark of happiness and distraction our family needed. It is so wonderful to see the kids smiling, snuggling her and laughing at her antics. Interestingly, we think that Lily seems to have that sense that something is just not right with me. She has already formed a strong bond with me and snuggles and naps on my chest. This in turn calms me down.

That being said however, we will never forget our beloved family dog Darcy. He was one of a kind. There is not a day that goes by that we don't think of him or something happens that reminds us of him. He will be forever in our hearts. Darcy was my faithful companion. He was apart of our family for over fourteen years. Little Miss Lily is already melting our hearts and finding her own special place in our family and in turn, she seems to be developing a special spot for each one of us in the family as well!

Happiness can take many forms. The love of family (including pets) is one of the best ways to de-stress and distract from your troubles. When we start to get to that darker place and discouraged, seeing that little puppy face, just lifts your heart.  It really is one of the best medicines Josh! I'm so thankful that I got 'persuaded' to add Miss Lily to our family. 

Have a great weekend everyone. Hug your family! Hug your pet!  

Now if only she would poop outside and sleep in later than 4 am!  Ah, but we do love ya little Miss Lily!

Richard

Here we go again!

Determination. Optimism. Hope. 

Here we go again! My initial visit to see if I was a good candidate for the new drug trial at Princess Margaret hospital was promising. The team at the hospital felt that I would be a good candidate for the study. Fantastic! Now I need to go for a series of tests and procedures to determine my eligibility and hopefully begin treatment in the next few weeks. The sooner the better for me.

In my previous posts, Needles, scans and tests oh my! & Hurry up and wait! I talked about the many tests, scans and procedures that I needed to undertake prior to my treatment beginning. Now it is like I am starting over from scratch again! On the positive side, I know now, from experience, what each of these tests are, how they make you feel, so I am more mentally prepared for them, then the first time. Also they are really a 'means to an end' to get started up again on treatment. Time is ticking! I don't want to wait much longer and give my cancer any more of an upper hand.

Travelling to and from the Princess Margaret Hospital and the Toronto General Hospital will require more travel time and patience for sure. I was so fortunate to have my previous treatments so close to home. I will however go wherever necessary to fight on. In these times of increased COVID precautions, Michelle is unable to come into the hospital with me for most of these tests and procedures. She will come as she can - park and wait is our new mantra!  Parking is expensive and hard to find in Toronto, not to mention free shorter term parking is practically non-existent.  Michelle rotates spots (to avoid getting a ticket LOL), timing it just so to pick me up when I am done.  This adds an extra layer of complexity for us, but we will manage through it.  We do miss Southlake!

This year, as a family we decided to pool our money together to purchase tickets for the Princess Margaret Hospital lottery. I have bought tickets in the past on my own but this year we bought a five ticket "family" pack. Hopefully we have one of the lucky tickets. It is great to support ongoing cancer research (especially at a hospital that is helping support my cancer journey) and who knows, we may even win one of the many great prizes available. Perhaps we will win the downtown furnished condo and it will solve all of our commuting issues and concerns. Wouldn't that be perfect. LOL

Wishing you all a wonderful Thanksgiving with your families. For sure things are a little different for all of us this year, and even if we can't all be together under the same roof, we give thanks for family and friends.

I am thankful for my family and friends, and really I am thankful to say "here we go again!".

Richard

 

Birthday Season, AKA Cake Month!

This week's blog comes courtesy of My Michelle.

October is Birthday Season at the Erdmann’s, AKA Cake Month. 😊

Between October and early November, our 3 children and myself all celebrate our birthdays.  At times it feels not a week passes by and we are blowing out candles, singing “Happy Birthday” and cutting yet another cake.  When the kids were small, things often doubled up yet again, as we had kid parties with all of their friends, and then we would have a family celebration on the day.  Over the years we’ve tried things to try and decrease the sugar rush:  combining parties, foregoing cake for at least one of us (usually I would volunteer as we were totally caked out by the time my birthday rolled around), decreasing to a few cupcakes, substituting fruit or ice cream and even going down to “just a slice” rather than the whole cake.  But no matter how you slice it 😊 it has become lovingly known as October is “Birthday Season” for the Erdmann’s!  Thank goodness Richard’s birthday is in June, it gives us a break and something to look forward to and by then, we are surely ready for cake!

We have had a few memorable cakes that stick out and have become “Erdmann family legends”.  There was the year we had all of these little Barbie dolls whose “skirts” were made of sponge cake and with each doll of a different colour of fondant icing, from soft pinks to lavender and powder blue.  There was the year we had a 3D Teddy Bear cake and full on teddy bear picnic.  Then there was the year we had a 3D pirate ship, 100% edible, even down to the “gold bullion” and treasure chest – even the sails were edible.  That year we had the party at a bowling alley and people came from all around the building, to get a look at this cake.  The kids still talk about that one, and Josh who is turning 24 this year, asked if he could have a repeat!  I remember the year we also had a “James Bond” theme the year Casino Royale came out, now that too was a cake to remember!  Sometimes I’ve made the cake, (I love to bake), and many times we let the professionals handle it.

The trouble with having birthday season, is that because each week it’s someone’s birthday, sometimes the pure fun and joy can get a little lost in the shuffle – especially when as parents we  were working full time, the kids had full agendas with school/university and after school activities/jobs, throw in work travel and commuting and well sometimes it was like “let’s just get this done!”.  We knew this at the time, and tried to change it up, but sometimes you just got sucked into that birthday planning vortex!

This year, we’ve been trying to slow things down a bit, trying to savour each special moment and memory.  This year we have decided, everyone gets cake (including me, whoopee!), and we are making each birthday a special one, highlighting the one day for the person, and making sure that we are making those special memories.  With COVID and what we fear is a 2^nd wave, with Richard on treatment, we’ve been especially careful to keep our bubble small.  Birthdays this year have been just the five of us, fairly relaxed, and trying to make a few dreams come true.  

We count ourselves extremely fortunate to be celebrating these days together and we hope for many more.  We have been fortunate that Richard’s treatments and procedures seem to have been scheduled all around the birthday dates, but leaving those key dates free.  Last week Richard wrote about changes to his treatment, the need to pivot and move to Plan C, and our hopes to be considered for a clinical trial at Princess Margaret hospital.  We were all feeling discouraged and disappointed at the lack of options and next steps out there.  Now, it feels like a little bit of hope has been injected into our lives as we head into October and birthday season.  I am happy to report that those assessments for him and the clinical trial are underway!  We just need to stop that cancer in it’s tracks and slow it down,  so we can have more time, more celebrations and more cake!

I am so happy and grateful that we are celebrating yet another October and Birthday Season with Richard and our family, and I look forward to my double fudge chocolate cake, and it’s many candles.  I’ve earned every one!

I can’t wait to celebrate with you,

Love Michelle

Green Thumb Distraction

One of the ways that we have been keeping ourselves busy and distracting ourselves from our current 'situation' is through gardening. Michelle and I have always loved to garden. We have spent many years collecting, purchasing and dividing our perennials to create gardens around the house. We have been fortunate to have participated in a few perennial swaps over the years too, so for the most part we have not had to purchase many of our plants in our gardens. This is great news as we have alot of gardens throughout our property. Perennials are definitely the way to go. We both take great pride in making sure our backyard gardens look good at all times. This can  be somewhat time consuming but we have never regretted our time spent planting, weeding, watering or admiring the results of a day's work.

We love our trips to the local nurseries to check out the latest plants available. Each spring we make our annual trek to a variety of local nurseries to check out the beautiful blooms and backyard oasis products. We could spend a day and a fortune in them. Luckily we have good self control (for the most part) and usually leave with only the items we were coming in for in the first place (but not always)!

Gardening is a great distraction from life. You focus all of your attention on nurturing the soil, arranging the plants, caring for them and watching them grow and change throughout the year. This takes you away from your everyday worries. It becomes a daily task to keep on top of it all. It is great to see that when you select a good variety of flowers and plants to place in your garden, you will have a variety of blooms throughout the seasons. That is the goal, having a forever blooming garden. 

This year our vegetable garden has never been better. Last summer I built Michelle a three tiered container garden and she has filled it to the brim!  With themes for each section of course 

- salsa garden, herb garden, and a variety of different lettuces patch.  We were lucky enough to get our veggie plants early (as it seems that many people decided to take up the 'garden hobby' this year during our time spent social distancing). Our middle son Josh also got into the action, starting some of our plants from seed and contributing jalapeno peppers, romaine lettuce and basil.  I must say that there is nothing better than picking your own fresh tomatoes, peppers, onions or lettuce straight from your garden and making a wonderful meal with them, sort of like our own mini farm to table! Talk about fresh from the garden. Our oldest son Jon, thinks our vegetable garden should be bigger and we should be more sustainable, but our little "victory garden" is all we can handle at this time!

We have come to peace with sharing our veggie garden with a variety of little critters that help themselves to the lettuce and cherry tomatoes on occasion. Can you believe this! As I sit here in my lounge chair by the pool writing this blog post, a squirrel has just ran by me with a large green tomato in his mouth. I kid you not! If only they could help weed once in awhile!

Gardening takes patience and effort. The constant watering and weeding are endless. I swear that some of the weeds grow back before we have even finished the loop around the garden. In the hot, hazy days of summer, it seems that the weeds are the only plants that are flourishing. At one point this summer our grass was almost completely brown with small green patches (of weeds) growing sporadically throughout.  The darn things!  I must say that there are few things more satisfying when gardening then surveying your work when the weeding is done!

As a family project this summer, we have decided to create some stepping stones for our garden pathway. When the kids were small, given I was off in the summers, I would come up with a summer art project to help spark their creativity and help to keep them busy for a few days. When they were younger, we made mosaic tile art. This year, Sophie suggested that we return to this form of art and create mosaic tile stepping stones for the garden. Surprisingly, the boys were also game!  We have all the supplies ready to go. Our hope is to get them done over the next two weeks and before Sophie goes back to university this fall. They will make a great addition to our garden and will be a lasting memory for us all.

Whatever you are going through in your own life, might I suggest that you consider gardening as a therapeutic, natural way to deal with your stresses and anxieties. Trust me, you will not regret it. And if you don't have a green thumb, start small. Plant some hardy perennials like hostas in your outdoor garden (trust me, you can't kill hostas)! It has helped us to deal with our daily emotions, has given us a beautiful backyard view to admire each day, just a great place to start the day.

Happy gardening, we'll keep going with the never ending challenge of the weeds and the tug-of-war for the tomatoes with the squirrels!

Richard

 

Standing Tall Through it All

This week's blog comes courtesy of My Michelle.

We have thankfully approached that one year marker of Richard's diagnosis of stage IV esophageal cancer. I say thankfully, because the odds were against us and all evidence was pointing unbelievably, to a different outcome.  I often get asked "I don't know how you do it?".  Well the truth is, we really don't have much of a choice.  To give Richard the best possible chance, and the best quality of life, we have a chemo treatment plan, we have a follow up and testing plan, we have the excellent care of a health care team who are determined to help us get through it all.  Where we do have choice, is how we think, how we feel, how we treat one another, keeping connected with family and friends, and choosing to "stand tall through it all".

Standing tall, is not a new concept for our family.  It has been a value we have tried to instil in our children - encouraging them to stand up for what they believe in, make their decisions and then stand behind them, always be proud of who they are and to hold their head high.  

In a literal sense, it was one of the things that first drew me to Richard.  Richard always has stood tall, with a great sense of posture, always standing up for what and for those he believes in, always proud of who he is and our family. Richard has stood tall during his career in education, with his peers, his students and their families.

Richard has also approached his cancer journey, standing tall.  As his wife, it is one of the most difficult things to watch him go for treatments, supporting him, but not able to make it go away.  It has been worse with COVID 19 restrictions, where I can't even go into the treatments with him or sit by him in the chemo suite to keep him company.  I drive him to and from every treatment, make sure he is as comfortable as possible, that our bedding is changed and ready for his nap when he gets home (nothing is better than fresh sheets and blankets!), and that our home "sparkles and shines" and is as germ free as possible. He always walks into the hospital with his head high, his backpack confidently on one shoulder, and with purpose in his step.   I try to be strong, be his advocate and his comfort when he needs it.  I don't always stand tall, but I try.  I am a migraine sufferer and have found that I've had a few more than normal over this past year.  On one particular day when it was particularly bad, our kids said to me "Mom, you can't get sick.  If you go down, we all go down."  Certainly, more than ever I feel the need to stand tall and be strong, our family depends upon it.

I know we (and I) don't always have to be strong, that it's okay to give in and have a good cry, to reach out to others for a helping hand, and in fact it is healthy and necessary to do so!  Asking for help, and accepting help, helps us all "Stand Tall" and also gives a chance to others to share the load, and we can maybe "Stand Tall" together.

Proud to Stand Tall through it all and together, with you,

Love Michelle

  

A Blessing and a Curse

This week has been both a blessing and a curse for me and my family.

The rollercoaster ride that cancer can take you on is always mixed with both positive and negative news. There are ups and downs, highs and lows and sometimes you can experience both in the very same day! Small victories and minor defeats are part of life as a patient with cancer, especially a stage 4 cancer patient. As a family we try to celebrate the victories and downplay the defeats. We pray for as many small victories along the way as possible. We are thankful that we have had a few!

This week we experienced both a small blessing (at least we think it is) and a minor curse (hopefully). In a previous blog I mentioned that my medical team has been monitoring a small tumour in my brain that they were unsure of whether or not was cancerous.  Last week I had my next scheduled MRI followed by my consult with my radiation oncologist . I am pleased to report that they feel that this tumour is not cancerous. They will continue to monitor it but its a small victory! We take it when we can get it!

On the concerning side, my hiccups have returned and are becoming more frequent during eating. It is becoming difficult to eat tough meats like steak or well done meats. At the moment, I seem to be able to tolerate other meats but need to cut them into smaller pieces and eat them slowly. My years in education (both as a teacher and administrator) have trained me to eat fast (and usually on the go!). I have had to slowly retrain myself to slow down while eating. Still a work in progress according to my family. 

In my blog post Food, Glorious Food! I talk about how I had to change to a liquid only diet. Let me tell you that this is something that I hope I don't have to return to. A liquid only diet is not something that I would wish on anyone. Don't get me wrong, I will struggle through it if I have to.

When I start to hiccup at the dinner table or have difficulty eating, you can see the look of concern on the faces of my family members. This is probably due to the fact that it reminds us all of how my cancer journey began and what it has taken away from our lives already. My hope is that this is only a small set back. Only time will tell what is in store for me regarding food. In the meantime, we will consider this a minor curse and hope for the best. I will continue to eat all my favourite food (minus the well done steak) until the point where this may not be possible.

I encourage you to savour the flavours of your favourite foods (don't take them for granted) and enjoy the social interactions that eating together with others (family & friends) provides. Celebrate your blessings, no matter how small, and don't forget to enjoy your steak (LOL).

Richard

Gone Fishin'

This week we had the good fortune to be able to get away for a few days to a cottage on Lake Musoka in Gravehurst, Ontario. It was a glorious few days up in beautiful cottage country. I had forgotten how majestic it was up in Musoka. A true Canadian paradise. This was all made possible thanks to the generosity of a work friend and her family who graciously let us stay at her family cottage. This was my week off of chemotherapy and we took advantage of the time off and freedom, to get away. This cottage trip was a wonderful reprieve from our everyday routines and weekly appointments and provided us with a glorious, picturesque location (as we have not been venturing out much these days) to rest, relax and enjoy family time together. We all seemed to enjoy the serenity, the quiet and the chance to be one with nature again. Nothing makes you slow down and count your blessing like a trip to the cottage.

One of the highlights of the trip was the fishing! When I was younger my family owned a cottage and we spent most of my summers there and I used to go fishing almost everyday. I loved to troll the shores of the lake for bass, pike and perch. It was a great lake to catch fish. They always seemed to be biting. My parents sold the cottage when I was in my early twenties. At the time, I was focused on my new life and didn't visit the cottage that often. It was becoming too much for my parents to handle, so they sold it. I have always regretted it. Once we moved to York Region my opportunity to go fishing diminished considerably. I have not really gone fishing in a boat since 2012. Thanks to my wonderful work friends, they arranged for Jon, Josh and I to have a guided fishing excursion on Lake Muskoka (the girls opted to lounge on the deck, lakeside). Our guide Mike took us on his professional fishing boat to all the great fishing spots on the lake. I even bought a new fishing rod, reel and tackle box full of new lures. I always wanted to take the boys fishing and this was my chance. We had a great morning of fishing and caught a variety of fish including walleye, bass, pike and perch. So glad they were biting that morning. Nothing better than that feeling when a fish takes your bait- fish on! As you

can see from the smiles on their faces, I think the boys had a good time! We caught enough for a great fish fry. The girls meanwhile enjoyed their time on the dock, reading and relaxing with their morning coffee- and there may have been a trip into town.

We also enjoyed a quick trip into Gravenhurst later that day to do a bit of sightseeing and shopping too. In the evening, we made a reservation on the patio at a local restaurant and had a wonderful dinner on the patio with all five of us. It just doesn't get any better than that. Although the time in Muskoka was short, we made the most of it and enjoyed every minute.

You might be asking at this point, what does this have to do with cancer. I might have asked the same thing reading this blog. The answer is absolutely nothing! Sometimes you just want to forget about cancer (even just for a few days). This wonderful trip allowed my family to forget all about cancer, our medical issues and worries for just a few days and simply enjoy our beautiful country in all its natural glory and quiet time together with each other. What more can you ask for. Words can not express how much this time away meant to me personally and

how much I enjoyed our much needed quiet time together by the lake. We are already planning our next excursion for my next week off chemo in the middle of August. Hopefully it will include more chances to go fishing (and shopping :) ) too!

Life is better at the cottage!

Richard

Celebrating Fathers

Sunday is Father's Day. My children ask me every year, what I would like for a Father's Day gift. My usual response is "nothing" because I really have everything that I need or want. But this year is a little bit different, because what I really want is more time! I want more time to see them continue to mature into adulthood and beyond. I would like to be there to see them find a life partner, to hopefully have children of their own, and build on their career paths. They each have so much potential and unique talents. I know that they have exciting futures ahead of them. I really want to be apart of these milestone moments. I hope that cancer doesn't take all of them away from me and I can share in some still to come.

From the moment each of them came into Michelle and my lives, they changed our outlook and focus in life forever. As parents and as a father, you learn as you go. I am sure that we/I have made our fair share of mistakes along the way but based on the wonderful young adults that they have become, we couldn't have done that bad of a job raising them. We always tease Jonathan, that he taught us everything we needed to know about being a parent, and Josh and Sophie reaped the benefits! I hope that the many wonderful childhood memories that I hold dear in my heart are memories that they too will never forget. 

I have been so fortunate to be with all three of them for the entire summer each year. This is one of the blessings of having a career in teaching. This has meant that I have been able to be 'present' for them on weekends, holidays and all summer long. This is a special gift of time that I have been given. I can remember packing them all up in the wagon and making our way to the park each day. I can remember spreading the garden hose out on the lawn so that they could run through it on a hot day. Listening to them laugh and giggle and try to spray each other with the hose. Taking trips to the public library and signing out books for summer reading. Visiting the local wading pools to cool down prior to getting our own pool. Stopping for ice cream or a small box of Timbits during our travels. Going on day camp trips to various parks, zoos and outings. Watching them jump on the trampoline trying to do flips, playing a fierce game of badminton or croquet in the backyard. Licking popsicles on a humid day, watching them learn to do dives and grading their hand stands in the pool competitions, roasting marshmallows by the fire, making homemade pizzas on the bbq and sitting by the poolside fire at the end of a great day of swimming. "Dad, dad, dad - watch me!" And who can forget Soccerfest which always seem to land on Father's Day each year. These are just a few of our wonderful summer memories.

I can honestly say that being a father has been my greatest achievement in life. I am so fortunate to have three exceptional children (proud dad moment here). I am so very proud of the amazing adults they have become. Each of them have strong morals, determination and a kind heart. They have so much potential. Having the privilege to parent alongside Michelle, (who is an outstanding, dedicated mother) has been incredible. I could not have asked for a better life partner. We are not expert parents by any means, but we continue to dedicate our lives to guiding them and providing them with opportunities to succeed in life. We have really put a focus on them throughout our lives. We would not want it any other way.

I want to wish all fathers and father figures out there a Happy Father's Day. Well Done! 

"Of all the titles that I have been privileged to have, "Dad" has always been the best." ~ Ken Norton

Love you always Jon, Josh and Sophie!

Dad XOXO

Celebrations & Milestones

Throughout the year we all celebrate milestone events like birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, retirements and graduations. These moments in time give us a chance to celebrate, recognize and highlight a happy or important event in ours or someone else's life. We all need these special moments. They provide us with joy, bring family and friends together and give us positive memories to cherish and remember for a lifetime. This week alone, Michelle and I will be celebrating our 32nd wedding anniversary and my 56th birthday. This year, many of us are feeling a little less celebratory, like we are missing out on a 'full' celebration due to the current restrictions and limitations. I say keep on celebrating!  

Last June was such a busy month for us so we decided not to formally celebrate our wedding anniversary. I was retiring (and we had lots of events & parties to attend), Michelle's mom's health was not well, and we had many other things happening so we decided to not go out for dinner or plan anything special like we normally do for our anniversary and instead we planned to combine it with our retirement trip. Unfortunately my health got in the way and we had to cancel our retirement/anniversary travel plans.  As a result, we do regret not taking the time to go out for that wonderful, romantic dinner for two or plan a special getaway weekend. We have had so many wonderful adventures, special dinners and moments during past anniversaries. This year, we are not able to go out for dinner or book a special getaway due to COVID-19. Instead we had our own romantic dinner for two on our deck (with the occasional visit throughout the evening from each of our three children). A beautiful evening was had, and actually it was much better than a table for two at a crowded restaurant. The lesson learned here is to make memories and moments wherever you are or whatever the circumstances. 

October is birthday month at the Erdmann household!  We have three birthdays in quick succession during the month. First off is Sophie, followed by Joshua and finally it is Michelle's birthday by mid October. We often say that it is our birthday cake month. After cake number two we sometimes say, do we really need another birthday cake? The answer is always Yes! Yes we do!  

"A good life is a collection of happy moments." ~ Denis Waitley

If you are lucky enough to have children, you will be celebrating many milestones for sure. I truly miss those baby and early years when the milestone events seemed to happen almost on a daily basis. First laugh, first words, first steps, first day of school, losing that first tooth and many more.

Jonathan, Joshua and Sophie are the pride and joys of our life. Michelle and I are immensely proud of each of them in their own unique ways. Through triumphs and pitfalls, through good times and bad, through the ups and downs of daily life we continue to be amazed at their resilience and positive outlooks on life. We hope this never changes.  We can honestly say that they have grown to be thoughtful, caring and responsible young adults. Michelle and I have always focused on family first, sometimes missing out on a personal goal or achievement to support our children. We have no regrets. It was well worth it. Each of them has provided us with the stories of our lives. We love them dearly. 

All of my fondest memories have involved my family and friends. They bring true meaning to life. When family & friends get together to eat, drink, talk (and even sometimes dance) it brings a smile to my face. Family reunions at the cottage, pot luck dinners, pool parties, family bbqs, boat rides in the bay, breakfasts at the local diner with your friends, these are the moments to hold dear. 

We all recognize milestones or significant events for a reason. They bring joy and happiness, they provide us with lasting memories. They bind us together. Despite our current situation that we all find ourselves in, don't pass on the opportunity to make new special moments with your family & friends (when we are allowed to) durning these challenging times. You never know when you will lose your chance to do so.

"Life should not only be lived, it should be celebrated". ~ Osho

Celebrate! 

Richard

Anticipating a perfect summer day!

We are so happy that the weather has finally improved and we can all get outside and enjoy some sun in the backyard. It has been a long few weeks being cooped up in the house. Cabin fever was beginning to set in for sure for us.

Michelle and I love to garden. It gives us great satisfaction to clear away the dead debris from our gardens and around our pool to see the perennials and hosta plants trying to peek out towards the sun. We swear that they grow a few centimetres by the end of that first day of cleaning. We love to go to the nursery and pick out our vegetable patch plants and our beautiful hanging baskets the colours and aromas in the nursery are a sure sign of Spring. Luckily the nurseries have been allowed to open this week so we can get to visit them.

We take great pride in our backyard oasis. It takes several days to get it back into shape after the winter. We are amazed at how quickly the weeds can grow (faster then the perennials for sure) in the gardens and in between the interlocking stones.  This week we bought four yards of mulch and have been topping up the beds with it. Amazing what a light topping of rich, black mulch can do to control the weeds and make it look so good. I am thankful that I am still able to fully work in the garden and am really surprised that my stamina remains (although I must admit that I can't go at the pace that I once did). No full out energizer bunny mode however. Slow and steady wins the race, right?

Another sure sign of spring is our annual pool opening. We opened our pool late last year and regretted it, as the warm weather came early and we missed out on a few good weeks in & by the pool. This year we decided to open the pool early. That was a mistake. We have had several days of snow (yes snow) and rain since it has opened. We decided not to turn on the heater. You can't win! We hope to finally turn on the heater this weekend and begin to fully enjoy our pool. Lounging by the pool is so relaxing. It is one of our favourite things to do in our backyard.

Our BBQ has already been busy grilling a variety of menu items. We are currently in the middle of an Erdmann family rib fest contest. Jonathan, Joshua and Michelle have all had a turn so far making their own dry rub and bbq rib sauces. It has been a close and delicious contest for sure. I'm not sure I can top those rib sauces but I will give it a try later this month. We haven't had our pizza oven on the bbq yet but maybe we will be able to get it going this weekend. We are also excited for our first bonfire of the season. Nothing is better then sitting around a crackling fire, roasting marshmallows and watching the glowing flames dance in the moon light. 

Finally it is almost badminton season. We can't wait! The Erdmann's love badminton and we take it very seriously. Our net broke last year so we are a bit delayed in the start of the season. If you happen to get a glimpse of us playing you will most likely witness a gentle game of 'how many volleys can we get over the net' quickly turn into a spike drive battle where the birdie usually ends up torpedoed into someone's body. Don't be fooled, we are fierce badminton players. Watch out! 

I am hopeful that I will still be able to participate fully in these wonderful family outdoor activities this summer. At the moment it looks very promising. My health has been good and I am able to fully participate in all of them at this time. I hope it stays that way! These activities allow us all the time to take our mind off of our current circumstances. They are a wonderful distraction for sure. They bring us joy and bring our family together. More great memories.

Sunshine is the best medicine!

I hope that you are enjoying your backyards and families too. Make new memories and treasure those moments you make together.

Richard