Not Playing the Waiting Game!

I was going to call this week's blog, The Waiting Game, mostly because that is what our/my life seems to be right now, a never ending waiting game! Waiting for test results, waiting for next steps in my treatment and waiting for this lockdown to be lifted so life can return to some sort of 'the new normal'. Most of all we are waiting to check off more of our family bucket list items that are currently on hold. I guess we are all experiencing our own personal waiting game. This week, when I was discussing possible blog topics and titles with Michelle, like we do most weeks, she quickly pointed out that despite the waiting game that we are on, life still goes on, and despite cancer touching our lives, we've all made conscious efforts not to wait and to keep moving forward.

She reminded me that we really do have so much to celebrate and be thankful for, even during these dark times. While we feel like we are 'stuck in neutral' , life continues on for better or worse. She was quick to remind me of all the "better" moments that have been happening in our family's life over the past few weeks and months. It really helped to refocus my thoughts and reflect on some of the good milestones and positives. Sometimes we can get lost in a never ending cycle of negativity and disappointments, focused on cancer and treatments, and waiting for the next best thing, or any thing really, to happen. So with this in mind, and with a refocused attitude, I have to share that we actually have been doing more and we are not always playing a waiting game!

Over the past few weeks we have many instances to celebrate and be thankful for the blessings that have come our way. Michelle just accepted a new global role with her company.  She has worked hard for this and we are so very proud of her and I am so glad I am here to share it with her. Despite our personal family obstacles and support she gives me, she has remained strong and continues to be focused on loving us but also providing excellence in her career.  It's not easy and I know how worried she is about everything, but she keeps going.  Jonathan has completed his university degree and is exploring a variety of options that will use his skills and talents. He recently has been doing some stock footage/time lapse 4K video and posting it for sale.  Not easy to keep moving forward, when much of the film industry has slowed, and just when you are trying to launch.  Josh continues to move ahead in his job and at the same time he is exploring further post university studies. Not easy to keep working and advancing during a pandemic and we are so proud of him.  Sophie, our youngest, is a candidate to graduate with distinction from Queens, and has just completed her application to a Masters program. Her little sticker shop "Opal and Fern" just celebrated its first anniversary and has generated over two thousand item sales in its first year. An amazing achievement. Not easy to keep excelling at university and launching a business, when I know how worried she is about me, when she should be just enjoying her university years, but she keeps on reaching and we are so proud.  Even I have kept moving forward.  On a personal note, I supported a colleague in writing an article for the Canadian Association of Principals journal focused on leadership during the pandemic, was named as an author and it was published this month. This is one more  bucket item that I can cross off the list!  

Other positives include the health of my family remains good (except for me of course). We are generally happy and are managing/coping pretty well during this pandemic. Despite the constraints, we seem to be navigating it pretty well (even with five adults under one roof) at least from my point of view. Our little Lily continues to be the bright light for all of us and we just adore her. What a wonderful addition to our family.  

Michelle is right, we aren't  stuck in neutral, life goes on, we go on, and we need to appreciate these moments, the effort and celebrate all along the way!

No more waiting!

Richard

New Year, New Hope!

Well 2021 is finally upon us and we have kicked 2020 "to the curb" and we all can surely say, "what a year it was!" I am thankful for the fresh start that the new year will hopefully bring us all, but remain concerned/cautious based on the news and events so far this past week--this is not promising! But selfishly, I am thankful that I am here and still have hope!

Each year I participate in the #oneword initiative on Twitter. At the beginning of each new year, Twitter users are asked to give their one word that describes their aspiration for the coming year. This year I picked the word HOPE. 

I have HOPE that we will once again be able to come together to hug, break bread and laugh together. We all really need to get back to close contact with our families and friends. 

I have HOPE that as a community, country and society we can all do better in terms of the way we are treating each other. There remains so much division, hatred and mistrust. We can and must do better. We all need to be a part of the solution. 

I have HOPE that my chemotherapy treatment will continue to work so that I can continue with life as normal as possible. My current treatment has allowed me to basically function normally with minimal side effects. I continue to be blessed. I am HOPEFUL and THANKFUL.  I have a lot of living still to do for me, for my family and much, much more time with Michelle.

Without HOPE there is despair. I can't imagine living with despair. Despite all of the hardships, trials and tribulations that my family and I have gone through this past year and a half, we remain optimistic and positive. Let's stay positive and hopeful for the future. 

Have HOPE!

Richard

Everyday Heroes

This week was cancer maintenance treatment week again. To be honest with you, I was a little nervous to go the the cancer centre at all, with the scary stories on the news and online about Covid-19, I really didn't know what to expect. I had visions of multiple sick patients with masks on, scattered throughout the hallways of the hospital, with frantic, tired hospital staff in full gear trying their best to cope with them all. The reality was the cancer clinic was extremely quiet, being isolated really from the rest of the hospital. In fact it was the least number of patients and staff that I have ever seen at the cancer centre (regrettably this is usually not the case).

I was comforted to find that several precautions were in place to support both the patients and staff at the hospital. As soon as you enter the cancer centre you are greeted by health care staff and security that ask you a series of questions, give you a squirt of hand sanitizer and send you on your way. On the chemotherapy floor, the waiting room chairs were segregated with caution tape to ensure that we all sat the required distance away from each other. All of the nursing staff seemed to be in fairly good spirits despite the pressure and stress that they must be under.  

Everyday Heroes

I am so impressed and thankful to all of the hospital staff that are working tirelessly to support all of us that are seriously ill. From the doctors and nurses, to the admitting staff, hospital cleaners, security and all the others that are working behind the scenes. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I can't imagine what you must be feeling and going through. You have your own families and anxious concerns, yet you come to work to support those of us that rely on you for our medical needs. Thank you!  

Other Local Heroes 

A big thank you to all those that are still working to keep our necessities of life going. Grocery staff, truck drivers, restaurant workers, warehouse workers, pharmacy staff, couriers, nursing home staff, news reporters, and the countless others that have been deemed essential by our government who continue to go to work each day. We thank you for keeping the essential goods, services & information flowing. Thank you!

Thank you also to my friends and colleagues that have been checking in on me and my family via phone calls, texts and emails. These ongoing connections are so important, but especially during these days of isolation for all of us. Even if we can't meet in person, checking in with each other is vital at this time. Thanks to those that have checked in on me. You will never know how much this means to me and my family. I have also tried to reach out to others to check on them to see if they are ok. We all need to do our part! 

Special Request

I have a special request of all of you reading this blog. I ask that you check in on at least two people each and every day (family, friends, neighbours and acquaintances) to see how they are coping during these difficult days. You chose the method (phone call, text, email, video conferencing etc.!) Together we can ensure that physical distancing doesn't mean social isolation and that it doesn't get the best of us!

Finally I would like to thank my online community of friends and followers for keeping me informed and entertained. It seems to be my 'go to' place for 'just in time' information and updates. I do try to limit my viewing of COVID-19 information updates. I don't know about you but the more I watch it, the more anxious I get! Thank goodness for all the creative tweets, posts, videos and blogs that help to distract us. I must say how impressed I am with the creativity of others online. Some make me laugh hysterically, others have me close to tears. Emotions are definitely running high these days.

We are certainly missing our Saturday night hockey games, missing the Toronto Maple Leafs, but all of this is the right thing to do.  

Remember let's keep a hockey stick apart! 

Richard

Side Effects: 5 Senses

I must say that I have been very lucky to have experienced very few side effects during my cancer treatments. I know that many cancer patients deal with side effects that can be very debilitating. I would consider my side effects to be relatively minor in comparison. I am blessed and thankful for that. I talked about some of my side effects in a previous post Side Effects: Short Term Pain for Long Term Gain? 

I continue to have most of these side effects mentioned in that post, but some seem to have reduced in severity (or perhaps I am just getting used to them more now). My current side effects seem to be related to the five senses, specifically taste, smell and touch.

Taste

Since my ability to eat solid foods has returned (hooray!), I must admit that I have been indulging in eating all of my favourite foods (in some cases to excess). I have gained back most of my lost weight, which I consider a good thing as my weight drop was beginning to be a concern. I had dropped over 30 pounds in a short time. This is not a concern any longer! I am almost back to my original weight. I guess I need to cut back on the snacks (we call them salty crunchies) and sugary treats. My current mindset is "What the hell! Eat what you want Richard!"  I may need to rethink this mindset soon.

I am fortunate to be able to eat again after being on Ensure shakes and broths/soups for a few months, but my taste buds are really off.  As I mentioned in my earlier post, you never really realize the impact that food plays on most aspects of your life. Food is part of our culture, our identity and our social being. It is a focal point of our day. I am glad to be able to enjoy the social aspects of food again- family dinners, going to restaurants, visiting friends for dinner, etc.

One of my current side effects is that I don't really get the full, rich flavours of foods like I used to. They all seem muted and in some cases, tasteless. I am not really complaining as the variety of flavours, textures and food options has improved substantially since being able to each solid foods again. I hope to never go back to only being able to eat liquid foods, I will if I have too, but would prefer not to return to this limited diet.

Michelle has been hard at work making some of my favourite foods and baked goods. I definitely ate my share of turkey dinner, freshly baked holiday cookies and Buche de Noel over the holidays.  We have been blessed to have friends and colleagues bring me homemade soups, special chicken broth, assortments of candy & ginger to help with my dry mouth and taste bud issues. 

Smell

My sense of smell has also been heightened during treatments. I now have a smelling super power! I'm like a human bloodhound. I keep asking Michelle, "Can you smell that?" This is not always a good thing. Lately I have been smelling some 'nasty smells'. I am not really sure where they are coming from (perhaps some are coming from me internally) or why I am smelling them, but they are nasty! 

To help block or cover these smells -a Michelle innovation - we have created small smelling jars with coffee beans and lavender buds placed around the house that I will sniff to block out the bad smells. as needed. It seems to work (most times). When out and about, my heightened sense of smell can be a bother. I seem to be able to smell 'nasty' smells all around me. Not pleasant at times, but it is manageable. I am hoping that after my last chemo next week, this side effect will be reduced or go away.

Touch

I have been finding that my skin is often itchy and dry. My first thought was that this was just the winter weather that was causing this, but this is more than seasonal dry skin. I also notice that my hands and feet sometimes form small blemishes (especially between my fingers). My oncologist indicated that this can be a normal side effect of treatment. He suggested that I use medicated hand/body cream to help with this. This seems to work and the blemishes disappear in a few days. As a preventive measure, I lather up with hand cream all the time! (something new for me. I was never really a hand lotion kind of guy!)

At times, I get little tingles throughout my body. They are like sparks. They feel like little mini fireworks going off inside my body.  They happen for just a few seconds. Not really sure what they are. They worry me at times. I assume that they are little reactions/side effects from my treatments.

My legs and knees also seem to get sore easily. Not sure if this is a side effect or just old age creeping in on me!  Nonetheless I keep walking, keep active, and rest when I need to.

I have thankfully have had no nausea, no vomiting, no hair loss, no debilitating side effects during both my radiation and my chemotherapy treatments. I am thankful for this! I can live with these minor nuisances that I am currently experiencing. They are manageable and don't really effect my quality of life that much. 

Here's hoping it stays this way for a long time!

Richard