A Blessing and a Curse

This week has been both a blessing and a curse for me and my family.

The rollercoaster ride that cancer can take you on is always mixed with both positive and negative news. There are ups and downs, highs and lows and sometimes you can experience both in the very same day! Small victories and minor defeats are part of life as a patient with cancer, especially a stage 4 cancer patient. As a family we try to celebrate the victories and downplay the defeats. We pray for as many small victories along the way as possible. We are thankful that we have had a few!

This week we experienced both a small blessing (at least we think it is) and a minor curse (hopefully). In a previous blog I mentioned that my medical team has been monitoring a small tumour in my brain that they were unsure of whether or not was cancerous.  Last week I had my next scheduled MRI followed by my consult with my radiation oncologist . I am pleased to report that they feel that this tumour is not cancerous. They will continue to monitor it but its a small victory! We take it when we can get it!

On the concerning side, my hiccups have returned and are becoming more frequent during eating. It is becoming difficult to eat tough meats like steak or well done meats. At the moment, I seem to be able to tolerate other meats but need to cut them into smaller pieces and eat them slowly. My years in education (both as a teacher and administrator) have trained me to eat fast (and usually on the go!). I have had to slowly retrain myself to slow down while eating. Still a work in progress according to my family. 

In my blog post Food, Glorious Food! I talk about how I had to change to a liquid only diet. Let me tell you that this is something that I hope I don't have to return to. A liquid only diet is not something that I would wish on anyone. Don't get me wrong, I will struggle through it if I have to.

When I start to hiccup at the dinner table or have difficulty eating, you can see the look of concern on the faces of my family members. This is probably due to the fact that it reminds us all of how my cancer journey began and what it has taken away from our lives already. My hope is that this is only a small set back. Only time will tell what is in store for me regarding food. In the meantime, we will consider this a minor curse and hope for the best. I will continue to eat all my favourite food (minus the well done steak) until the point where this may not be possible.

I encourage you to savour the flavours of your favourite foods (don't take them for granted) and enjoy the social interactions that eating together with others (family & friends) provides. Celebrate your blessings, no matter how small, and don't forget to enjoy your steak (LOL).

Richard

Food, Glorious Food!

Your don't realize what you are missing until you can't have it anymore. Food, glorious food!

After that first appointment I was told that I had to immediately go on a liquid diet as my esophagus was almost completely blocked by my tumour. This, I was told, was the the reason for my ongoing burps, hiccups and vomiting. Looking back, I am actually grateful for these symptoms, otherwise I might never have realized that I was sick and had cancer as no other signs or symptoms were present except for the rapid weight loss. I have been told that esophageal cancer doesn't give you many clues along the way. The tumour is quietly growing in your body without you even knowing it. The doctors indicated that often, once you are diagnosed, it is often too late. 

My new daily liquid diet consists of at least five Ensure calorie enhanced drinks a day. We try to supplement it with a variety of pureed soups and I have also been trying some small amounts of mashed potatoes and other pureed foods with some success. At first I thought, I can do this! Whatever it takes! My doctors indicated that they hoped that the radiation would shrink the tumour enough for me to eat some more solid food. Time will tell if this is an option.

Chocolate, strawberry, vanilla and butter pecan. These are my daily flavour choices. Sounds great! I love all of these sweet flavours. To be honest they don't actually taste all that bad but how I miss the savoury options in my diet. I never really feel hungry. The Ensures seem to fill my food needs. I don't really have cravings although I do miss all the glorious food options [solid food] that I used to eat. 

A few days into this new liquid diet, I realized (the hard way) that I needed to supplement my diet with fibre. I will spare you the details on this one but lets just say the words in the brackets say it all! When I added prune juice and Benefibre to my daily morning routine it helped a great deal!

You may not even realize it but food really consumes a great portion of our daily lives. I only understood the impact of food and how it permeates our day when limitations in my food options were made. Weekly food rituals include planning meal options, buying the food, bagging the food, unpacking the food, preparing the food, eating the food, clean up after eating the food, then planning all over again! The food cycle continues. When your food choices are made for you, this ritual is drastically altered. Bonus, you do save some time!

Thanks to Michelle and to my family for adjusting our food options and choices to help accommodate and adjust to my new diet. A few more mash potatoes, pureed vegetables and soups are on the menu now in our household.

A liquid or puree diet also has a negative impact on your social life. You don't really realize it but food is really an integral part of our social lives. My family loves to go out to restaurants and get takeout meals. Sometime for convenience sake (no cooking!) and other times for the variety of food choices and flavours. Often coming to consensus on a take out food option that we can all agree upon takes longer than the ordering and eating part! Going to a restaurant is another Erdmann family past time. A great way to connect with your family, catch up on the days events and have some quality family time. When you can only have liquids and puréed food items for your meals, this dramatically limits your ability to enjoy this important social aspect with your friends and family. Often it is difficult to find food as most restaurants have limited options in this area.

I encourage each of you to enjoy food in all its forms. Don't take it for granted. Be sure to enjoy the social aspects that food creates for your family and friends. Be sure to eat with your family or others! Go out and celebrate with each other. Have that dessert!  Enjoy the foods you love and makes you feel good (in moderation). Enjoy them! You don't know what you are missing until they are not longer an option. Eat the darn chips!

Food, Glorious food!

Richard