Trying to Find Joy, Everyday

This week's blog comes courtesy of My Michelle.

A couple of Christmases ago, Richard and the kids gave me a beautiful yoga mat and carry case which, until this week, still had the tags on it.  You see, it was one of those things I always wanted to try but could never quite find the time to do it. As a career woman and working mom, I could never quite find the interest to be apart from my family - time goes so quickly, the days were so long and full, and I really just wanted to spend time with them when I wasn’t working commuting or travelling. 

However, I recently had to recognize that as the caregiver, I needed to start paying attention and working to replenish my own personal self, so I could better manage for Richard and our family now, and in the future.  I needed to find some time to care for me too. So, I took a deep breath, I cut off the tags and registered for a beginner yoga class. I really enjoyed it! Not only from a fitness perspective, but for what I hadn’t expected, for the messages that really resonated with me when I needed them most of finding balance, practicing self care, believing in my self worth, celebrating love and joy. 

There is no doubt about it, from the onset of Richard’s symptoms when we knew something was not quite right, through to facing his diagnosis and dealing with his treatment,  this has all been so difficult. Seeing him everyday and what he is going through, affects us all deeply. As he fights the cancer, we are ever watchful, monitoring him for signs and symptoms, looking for any changes and with the future ever looming.

For me, it has been particularly hard to find the right balance between being a wife and partner, and a supporter. I have a need to protect and shelter him from harm, the need to try and find answers and options, to fix things, to support and protect our children and also to manage my own difficulty coping with this unwelcome re-writing of our future.

Last week, Richard wrote a blog called “Why am I still taking out the garbage?”.  From my perspective, some of my efforts have been to try and keep things as normal as possible for as long as I can.  So yes - you still have to take out the garbage Richard - it is not avoiding our situation, but rather a celebration, for now at least, this normalcy still exists! 

Cancer does not define Richard. Richard is joyful, loving hopeful, a strong life force with a tireless spirit. With or without cancer, he is the same person, who refuses to let cancer limit him or dictate his life.  

He gives me joy, everyday.

Namaste.

Love Michelle