Sometimes I forget!

It's true! Sometimes I forget that I have cancer. Hard to believe right? It is strange. It might be just for a few minutes during the day or sometimes, when I am lucky, for longer periods of time. There are days, when I can almost get through the entire day without thinking about cancer or my own personal circumstances. These are special moments. They are carefree moments. They are 'normal' moments. They provide a much needed escape from reality, my reality. Often they occur when I am distracted, busy or thinking of others. I talked about finding distractions in one of my previous blogs. I must say that it is getting harder and harder to find these lasting moments of distraction, especially as I wait for next steps in my cancer journey. I am thankful that they they still provide me with some respite from my reality.

Unfortunately there are also constant reminders or prompts that pop up all the time that quickly bring me back to reality! It might be a zap or a pain in my body or a telephone call that seems to come out of the blue, to book another appointment or to share some recent results. It can even be a television commercial about cancer treatments, cancer lotteries or donating to cancer causes. It is amazing how many commercials there are about cancer when you pay attention and notice them. Let me tell you that you can't get through an episode of Wheel of Fortune, Jeopardy or Sunday Morning (our latest obsessions) without seeing a commercial about cancer, often multiple commercials, sometimes two in a row. These are shows that come over the US networks, where they can advertise directly to patients.  It is everywhere and impossible to ignore! I have noticed that even the talk shows seem to be highlighting people and families that are dealing with cancer or who have survived cancer. It is then, that my own reality comes roaring back.  Oh yeah, that's me, I'm a member of the cancer club.  It is sad and disappointing to say that prior to my own cancer diagnosis, I really didn't notice or pay much attention to cancer. Now I can't escape it.

Sometimes I forget what it was like 'before cancer'. I am now in my seventeenth month since being diagnosed with esophageal cancer. At that time, being here at seventeen months after my diagnosis was not even a possibility or part of the discussion.  That was the dream, to be an outlier! It has been a whirlwind since that fateful day back in September 2019. Sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago. I remember being so excited for the start of my retirement, excited for our planned retirement trips and exciting adventures that were upon us. Little did we know that we would have to detour, postpone and alter our plans due to an unplanned and unwelcome adventure that would take us on a medical roller coaster ride. This ride has had many ups and downs and plateaus along the way. I guess it is the ride of our life, for better or worse.

Sometimes forgetting is a good thing but I will never forget the love and support from my wife, family, friends and colleagues. You are what keeps me going, keeps me positive and keeps me hoping! 

I will always remember and be thankful,

Richard