When In Sickness and in Health, Really Matters

In sickness and in health really does say it all! Michelle has fulfilled this marriage vow every step of the way along this life journey we are on. She is the one person who and has been there with me from day one. When we were challenged and moving from good health and life plans, to facing symptoms, all the scans and tests, the big "c" diagnosis,  the radiation, cycles of chemo,  up to my current clinical trial participation, she has been there for me in every possible way. As I wrote in My Michelle, she is the most important person in my life.  

Luckily my current level of care can best be described as minimal in terms of the physical needs as I am fully able to function and support myself in most areas. At least for now anyways! But a burden of care is not just care of sickness and nursing and medicine, it's all the other stuff, the living, the worrying, the supporting of me and our children, and the coping too. Michelle, has been there to provide my with much needed emotional support. This is an area that medicine & treatments can't address. She checks in on me throughout the day to see how I am doing and always tries to lift my spirits. One positive of the COVID pandemic is that she has been able to work from home 100%, so we are always home together.  I know how difficult it must be to remain positive herself, to have high spirits all the time and keep our family going in the right direction. It is a constant worry for her. I know that she often feels helpless and perhaps feels that there is really nothing she can do, but she is doing more than she knows. It means the world to me to have her by my side and to know that she is there for our children. She tries her best to ensure that I am comfortable by providing me with anything that I may need or want (she bakes great pies, LOL!). She is simple amazing! I am not sure how she keeps it all going really.

She is my champion, my advocate and my number one cheerleader. I know that this is not an easy thing to do when your own emotional state must be verging on despair at times.  I know that she is secretly researching and reviewing other trials and treatments in hopes of finding a new path forward that may lead to some more positive results.  Michelle does this work unselfishly (while maybe selfishly hoping for more time). She does it with love, care and compassion. I recognize the toll that this is all taking on her. 

Who cares for the caregivers?

Being a caregiver to a cancer patient is not a 9-5 job. It is 24/7, day and night job. There is no rest or respite for caregivers. This is a role that they did not ask for or ever wanted,  but regardless they take on this almost invisible role with determination and with a sense of purpose. Michelle does this each day with care and compassion.  I try not to be a burden for her and hope that she realizes how much she means to me. Michelle thank goodness I have you in my life.  

It hits me, this is when in sickness and health, really tests you, and really matters.

All my love to you Michelle X0X0

Richard

Health Update: I have now graduated from the 18th floor- Clinical trials space to the Chemo "Daycare" for treatment on the 4th floor at the hospital. Who would have thought that I would be in daycare at my age! LOL. I actually wish that I did not have to move floors! The 18th floor, although busy was nothing like my experience on the 4th floor this week. As always, I continue to be shocked by how many people are dealing with cancer and cancer treatments.  There are so many people and treatments underway, that  you have to take a number and then wait in a large, busy, socially distanced waiting room to be called to let you know which location to go to when it is your turn for treatment. I had to wait 2 hours past my appointment start time before a chair became available. I have been told that there are over one hundred chemo chairs on the floor and they are divided into stations or centres by colour. I was in the purple suite this week. Your actual chemo chair space is not much bigger than a small closet. You can forget about privacy. You are in close proximity to others that is for sure. Thank goodness for my headphones and laptop to keep me distracted and entertained, and what did we do before cell phones and texting to keep in touch.  But truly, I am  thankful that there is a chair and a space for me!