Smiles from the Heart

Todays blog is an entry by me, Michelle as this week it is my turn.

I struggle with how to start to write this and share this very personal aspect of this part of our cancer journey, an update of Richard and of our family.  To date, we have been fighting so hard to battle this disease and enter into this next phase with strength, dignity, with gratitude for all we have, and yet always still with hope.Things have become increasingly difficult as the disease progresses and Richard's health declines, especially over the last few days.  As you know he loves music, and so I often play music while we are sitting together and one of his favourite artists is Anne Murray.  As I worked through her playlist, one of the songs came on called "You Needed Me".  To be honest, I couldn't hold it together because the lyrics were as if they were written just for us and just for this moment,  reflecting upon everything Richard brings to my life and what he means to me.  

One of the very private things, is that throughout all of this, Richard wanted to make sure that I would not be burdened with so many of the details that come in life and management of our household and that everything is set and to give me strength to stand alone, when that day comes.  I have the pleasure to care for Richard with all my heart, with love, with dignity and respect for the man he is.  As the song goes -You Needed Me (but I also needed you).

In addition to music, I do read out all of your comments on facebook, messenger and email to him.  It gives him great pleasure, to hear your messages on how his thoughts and experiences resonate with you, and give you comfort in some small way.  Recently it was a dear colleague's birthday from his first year of teaching, and several  photos of the whole group of staff of that year were posted, circa 1990/1.  I enlarged the photos on my phone and we looked through all the people in the photo, and reminisced about different stories from way back then.  He really enjoyed it and remembered every face. It brought a smile to his face and also to mine.  

Although Richard isn't able to be on social media and answer your messages directly, he has assigned me as his chief "secretary" and I am happy to share any messages and stories with him.   We love to see and read the comments.  Sometimes these memories are private and not to be posted on facebook or as a blog comment.  I do encourage you to send them through as a DM or as an email - I will pick them up and make sure he hears them.

I know that sharing stories and remembering a life well lived and the impact he had on others is very comforting to him and brings a smile to his face.

Thank you for bringing a smile to my heart and to that of our family.  This is especially dear to us now, as Richard is entering into Hospice Care and we focus on maintaining his comfort at this stage of our journey.

Love Always Michelle and family XOX