New Year, New Decade....

2020 is now upon us! Hard to believe that a new decade has begun. I must say that I am happy to see the year 2019 go! It was not one of my favourite years to say the least.  Although the year included my retirement in June from education after 30+ years (which was a wonderful celebration with friends and colleagues), it quickly turned into a total focus on cancer in August. Not the way I wanted to start my retirement and my new adventures. Not the end to the decade that I was imagining. We can’t always choose our journey. Sometimes our journey takes an unexpected turn and personal timelines need to be adjusted. 

With the reality of a new year, new decade upon us, I can honestly say that my long term positive outlook has waned recently.  As the new year begins, I am at times melancholy. Being told that you have Stage 4 Cancer does that to you.  I now focus more on the weeks and months rather than longer term. I plan to make the most of the time that I have, focusing on the things that matter most to me: my wife, family, friends and relationships. I will be focusing on moments rather than things.  Time to let go of the things that are beyond my control. My family's happiness and positive outlook are within our control. We choose POSITIVE! We choose HOPE! We choose HAPPINESS!

My most recent CTScan shows my disease remains stable. We take this as positive news.  I have one more round of chemo in January before we take a break and go on maintenance therapy. I never thought that I would be happy with being labelled ‘status quo’ or 'on maintenance' but at this point, status quo is looking pretty good!  Being stuck in neutral is our new normal. 

Save your Tears for Something Sad

Michelle and I are both Downton Abbey fans. We loved watching the show every Sunday night. Michelle would make a delicious dessert to have while watching the show each week. I really miss those desserts ever since the show has ended! We were excited to hear that a full length film version of the show was in the works. We went to see the film in the theatres when it came out a few months ago.

One of the scenes resonated with me while watching the movie. 

Spoiler Alert! Don't read the next paragraph if you haven't seen the movie yet or don't want one of the story lines revealed (don't say I didn't warn you!) 

Near the end of the movie we learn that Dowager Countess of Grantham is dying and only has a short time left to live. She pulls Lady Marry aside to tell her that she is terminally ill. This quote near the end of the movie touched me:

Our eternally witty Countess says... “Save your tears for something sad, because there’s nothing sad here.   I have lived a privileged and an interesting life"..."I'll be fine, until I am not".

Save your tears for something sad because there is nothing sad here. I truly believe this. I am saddened that my time with my family will be shortened but am thankful for the time that I have had and still have with them.  We have had many great family adventures and wonderful times. As Dr. Seuss said, "Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened." I choose to smile and enjoy the memories that we have made together and the times that we have shared together. I hope to share many more this year.

I also believe that I have truly lived a privileged and interesting life. I would not change a thing (except for the cancer part of course!). I have had many great adventures with Michelle and our children and also with my friends and colleagues.  I have been, and continue to be, blessed.  

New Year- There are more adventures that await! Stay tuned.....and I'll be fine until I am not.

Richard