Negative/Positive

Negative- Well my biopsy results finally arrived this week after some delay. After double checking the tumour samples gathered from my liver biopsy, the tumours continue to grow, and my remaining treatment options are limited. More disappointing news for me and my family. Disappointment is something that we as a family are starting to get used to. We will however, as a family, always remain hopeful and optimistic-- but I must admit that our resilience level is starting to take a big hit. I keep asking myself, why is my body doing this to me? Why can I not catch a break? I must officially and publicly declare that I hate cancer!

Positive- One thing that is for sure is that I will not let cancer take away my hope, our hope. We will continue to press on despite these limited options, despite the fact that cancer is winning at the moment. I really want to be here to experience all of the life moments with my family including future weddings, grandchildren etc. There is still so much that I want to be apart of in the lives of my children. Michelle and I have so much more  that we want to do as a couple. If  mental perspective, determination and attitude play a role, I'm drawing new battle lines.  I will not give up!

A new journey/path begins....

My next journey centres around a new drug trial at the Princess Margaret Hospital. I am in the process (again) of having final tests completed to confirm my eligibility in a existing phase one trial. If confirmed, and we have our fingers crossed, treatments would begin next week. It  is unchartered waters, but what else can we do?  I'm not liking the alternative - doing nothing.  The ball is rolling and gaining momentum. Action at least is something, right?  I've never been in a clinical trial before, so at least this will also be interesting.

This new path involves overnight stays at the hospital and intense monitoring and vigilance to watch out for any possible side effects that may occur due to the treatment.  We shall see how this all plays out. My hope is that I will once again, have minimal side effects, as was the case for my past three treatment options and that this new treatment will slow or stop my cancer in its tracks. 

Isn't there a saying something about when one window closes, another one opens?  Well here's hoping that with this negative news, we are balanced off with some positive opportunity and the trial "opens a window" for us.

So we move on to our Plan "E", and as I see it, there's many more letters where that one came from and we'll just keep cycling onward!

Richard