Why am I still taking out the garbage?

Have you ever noticed that when you watch a movie or a t.v. show and the main character is given "just months to live", you see them jetting off to some far away, exotic location or they drop everything to fulfill their 'bucket/wish list' items. All of a sudden, they seem to live a carefree life with no responsibilities, expectations or commitments. They just blow their life savings in the process.

Why am I not jetting off to some far off location every other week? And why am I still taking out the garbage? 

Well, the reality is, for most of us with cancer, this is not an option. We have months of radiation and chemotherapy treatments, time needed to recover and concerns for infection. We have bills to pay, we have appointments to keep, we have other family members that have jobs, school, responsibilities and lives of their own too. We have daily tasks and chores that still need to get done.  We can't just jet off, as a family, and forget about everything else. It's not like the movies. Daily life must and should continue. This actually is what helps to keep us all sane. 

Daily life routines help to create a sense of normalcy in a time when life is anything but normal. Routines help us to fill our days and give us a sense of purpose (especially now that I am in retirement). Most of all, it helps to take our minds off of our 'situation' and find the strength to keep moving forward (who knew that taking out the garbage could do all this, lol).

Don't get me wrong, we do want to travel and explore. We are just trying to navigate the barriers in making this happen at this time now that my chemo is over and I am on maintenance.

Even if we wanted to go and explore all of our 'bucket list' locations, it is very difficult to secure travel insurance when you have a terminal illness. We would also need to schedule the trip between appointments. With the coronavirus concerns at the moment, we are thinking that this is not the best time to travel abroad.

Our hope it to have a wonderful family vacation (within Canada) in the near future. We are sorting out the time,  destination and working on logistics, but it will happen! We deserve it and really need something to look forward to as a family. 

So believe it or not, taking out the garbage, loading the dishwasher, getting groceries and shovelling the snow, is all helping in some small way to keep us moving forward. Moving forward is the only way to go!

There are so many wonderful places to see and visit right here in Canada. There are still a few places that we have not had the opportunity to explore. 

And besides, there is no place like home! 

Richard

Family is Everything!

This past Monday like most families in Canada, we celebrated Family Day. We were lucky enough to have all five of us home and off for the day. As well, Sophie was able to be with us, as it coincided with university reading week. This meant the Erdmann clan were all back together, even for a short while, under one roof again. 

This year, Family Day was a gloriously sunny winter day. Michelle, Sophie and I took advantage of the great weather and decided to go on a long walk to get some fresh air and to get in some exercise. Enough with hibernation!  We were tired of being cooped up due to the recent cold temperatures and decided to take advantage of the sunny day. We got in over 20,000 steps that day! I guess the lure of a warm Starbucks at the half way point of our walk, did the trick in keeping us motivated to keep walking. Unfortunately the Starbuck motivation did not entice Jonathan and Joshua to join us, preferring to sleep in!

"No family is perfect.... We argue, we fight. We even stop talking to each other at times. But in the end, family is family... The love will always be there!" ~ Author Unknown.

All families are unique. I don't know about your family but sometimes we struggle to get all five of us on the same page at the same time (this is often true when we are trying to select a restaurant to visit for dinner). We are five adults, living together with our own opinions and viewpoints, which don't always match.  We seem to have the unique ability to know exactly how to irritate one another and at the same time be able to say something that will bring us to tears of laughter.  Like the quote above states, we even stop talking to each other at times, but in the end we seem to find a way to forgive each other and move on. We do love each other so much, the love will always be there.

                      

At the moment, our family remains Stuck in Neutral.  It may be the time of year (the winter blahs) but I feel that it is more than that. We are all struggling with what the future holds. Our family seems to be staying strong and crumbling at the same time. 

Each of us are dealing with this cancer battle in our own way. From denial, to avoidance, to struggling to maintain a work focus, to moments of melancholy, back to resilience and hope. All of us have emotions that are on a wild rollercoaster ride. 

I wish my family didn't have this burden on their shoulders. Why do they have to deal with this? It doesn't seem fair. We try to put on a brave face but behind the scenes it can be difficult. We know the facts of my cancer. We know that all of these treatments and therapies are to extend my life, not cure it. 

Michelle and I have been honest with our children. We have told them the truth, right from the beginning, even though it was very difficult. They had a right to know. The truth is I have stage 4, inoperable, esophageal cancer. I am in palliative care. The uncertainty and the unknown of how much time is left can be stifling. We try to keep reminding ourselves that none of us really knows how much time we have left. There is alway hope, even when hope seems impossible. Staying positive is our only option.

Life is not always fair. Many families, like ours are dealing with or have dealt with this terrible disease. It seems that every time I turn on the t.v., read an online article or speak with someone, they have a cancer story to share. 

I can't imagine dealing with this disease without my family. I love them all so dearly. Our daily interactions may not always show it, but each of them gives me the strength and inspiration to continue to fight on! Really, we have no choice but to deal with this. I'm glad and thankful that I have my family by my side throughout this battle.

I'm going to be selfish here and say I want as much time as possible with them, even if we are not always 'the perfect family', we are a family that cares deeply for each other. Being perfect is overrated anyway!

My family is everything.

Richard

P.S. Yesterday, after 13 years, we lost an important member of our family. We had to say goodbye to our beloved dog, Darcy. I wrote about Darcy in my post Darcy- My Faithful Companion. We miss him deeply!  

 

Words to Live By

Over the years I have found inspirational quotes from others that have inspired me and have stayed with me throughout my life. I have shared them often and want to share them once again with all of you, as a reminder of how putting these words into action each day can have a profound impact on our lives and the lives of others. 

Here we go!

" Treat others the way you wish to be treated. "  

~ The Golden Rule

This I must say is one of my all time favourite and most used quotes! I have used this quote both as a teacher and later as a principal. I have tried to follow the Golden Rule as much as possible throughout my life. I think it best sums up how we should act towards each other. As I read the headlines and watch the news these days, I think that we need to embrace this quote more now than ever.  I must say how impressed I am with the staff and volunteers at the cancer centre who support patients each day. They all seem so kind and caring and from my observations, demonstrate respect for all the patients battling this disease. It must be difficult for them to stay positive as well as they see and deal with so many cancer patients and their families.   

" No act of kindness, however small is ever wasted. " 

~ Aesop

A smile, a gesture, a small act of kindness, can go along way. Often we don't realize the impact our actions have on others. They can be positive or negative. When kindness is offered to others, it impacts both the giver and the receiver. Being kind to others is free and doesn't really take much effort but its impact can be life changing. I must say that I am overwhelmed with the kindness shown to me and my family during this difficult time in our lives. We have been blessed with kindness from many. In return, we have tried to show kindness to others, to keep passing it forward. Kindness can be contagious!

" Carpe Diem! " Seize the Day!

Ever since I watched the movie Dead Poets Society staring Robin Williams, I have loved this quote. I even purchased a small plaque with it written on it and prominently displayed it

in my office to remind me that even during the toughest days, the days when I wanted to give up, to keep pushing and make the most of it. This could be the most important quote for me right now as I continue to battle cancer. I am trying hard to Seize each Day! To fight the fight and to find the joy and laughter that each day can bring. I must admit that some days are easier than others to make this happen. I encourage you to Seize the Day too!

" People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. " ~ Maya Angelou

This too is such and important quote. My hope is that people will remember me as a kind, caring person who was family focused. I have tried to live my life in a positive manner and hope that I have made people feel good about themselves in some way.  I try to see the good in all people. We all appreciate a kind word or gesture from others. Making people feel good about themselves costs nothing but can make a world of difference to them. 

" You will miss 100% of the shots that you don't take." 

~ Wayne Gretzky

Being a Canadian, and a fan of hockey, I had to include this quote from 'The Great One'.  If you don't try it will not happen. I have tried to live my life this way (although I still haven't tried sky diving, rock climbing or bungie jumping- I think those days have now passed.) If you don't engage or participate, it will not happen. Take risks, try new things, explore next adventures. I'm not what you would call a 'risk taker' but recently I have decided that I need to move beyond my comfort zone and be more of a risk taker. Let's see what I can get myself into over the next few weeks and months!

What are your treasured quotes that you live by? What inspires you? Please share.

One last quote to share.....

" Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment, until it becomes a memory."   ~ Dr. Seuss

Here's to making moments into memories! 

Richard

Spring Cleaning- Got Junk?

Michelle and I have lived at our current home in Newmarket for almost 20 years now. We moved into our home in early December 2000.  It has been our sanctuary and haven ever since.

When we moved in, Jonathan, Joshua and Sophia were six, four and one years old respectfully. Michelle and I were, during the late 90's, perpetually  sleep deprived. (I think I may have mentioned that in a previous post). This made for an interesting move in.

My dear mother had passed away that year, and we still had many of her personal items from her home, still unopened in boxes & bins in our garage and basement at the old house. On moving day, we simply placed all of her items, along with a wide selection of our current 'not used' items, into our new basement on moving day. We told ourselves that we would have the time to unpack and organize them later. These boxes and bins are still there, unopened 20 years later. A word of advice - do not delay, do it when you move in, lol.

Over the years we have also found it very difficult to part with items that we have purchased or received. We have changed our decor, purchased newer versions of items or simply indulged in some special gadget or gizzmo and instead of giving or throwing away the older version, we simply placed them in the basement for safe keeping (because you never know, we may decide that you may need them at a later date, right?) or there was always that elusive garage sale we were going to have.  Wrong! 

Over the next 20 years our basement has slowly filled up. If you walked into our basement this very week, you would swear that Michelle and I are hoarders. 

Our basement represents a time capsule of our lives. We have boxes, bins and bags full of days gone by. Full of memories.

Believe it or not, we still have all of the baby furniture and baby toys from our three children there. We have all of the fad toys and gadgets that were 'must haves' packed away on shelves: beanie babies, hockey cards, lego, train sets, hockey equipment,  medieval knights, and a collection of dolls and build a bear accessories (Coco is the best dressed bear in town), such as you would not believe. We thought that perhaps we could pass them down to our children's children some day. We even have boxes of our old university text books from the eighties (just in case we may need to reference them at some point. Really! Why didn't we give them away or throw them away years ago)? Michelle keeps reminding me that we kept them because we were going to turn one of our rooms into a library with a rolling library ladder - her dream. It's still a dream 20 years later!

One of my goals in retirement was to finally tackle the basement. I had planned to 'get it done' over the summer. It was on my 'to do' summer list. It finally needed to be done and there were no more excuses about not having the time to do it. I was no longer on vacation this summer, I was retired now. No more excuses. My cancer diagnosis and subsequent tests and therapies derailed these plans.

Now that my treatments have been completed and I am fairly symptom free, tackling the basement has once again risen the top of the pile of things to do. This is the week that our basement finally gets tackled (or at least started)!

A lifetime of memories currently lives in our basement. Going through these boxes, bags and bins this week is taking much longer than anticipated. Each time you open a new box, you are transformed to a different time and place in our lives. These are memory boxes and bins. The collection represents us and our family. This is making this job very difficult and time consuming, especially at this difficult time in our lives. These memories are so important right now.

When you are diagnosed with cancer, you immediately think the worse. In my case, the worse is my new reality. Still, I have been given the gift of time. My treatments have gone well and they have provided me with more time then my doctors had expected.   

Cleaning the basement (or our trip down memory lane) has been both heartwarming and tragic at the same time. What memories, still to come, will I miss or not be a part of?  But at least right now I can make choices on how to spend my time and with a sense of urgency, make things happen.

As a family and as a couple, we are trying our best to make as many new memories as possible. These memories however, will not be stored in our basement but in our hearts.

Here's to making new memories and to finally tackling your own basements! Do it, do it now but be prepared to go down your own memory lane.

Richard 

World Cancer Day- February 4th

Today is World Cancer Day.

I will continue to raise awareness and

encourage the prevention, detection and treatment of cancer.

I will continue to share my personal cancer journey in hopes of spreading positive energy to others fighting their battle and to support those around them.

I will fight to beat my cancer! #WorldCancer Day

#IAmAndIWill beat cancer!

Richard

Beating the Average

Back by popular demand! This week's blog post comes courtesy of My Michelle.

I find that we are constantly bombarded in our daily life with the concept of averages - average temperature, average rainfall, average returns on investment (lol), average side effects of a medicine and the average number of people who will be touched by cancer.  It’s like when you buy a new car, and everywhere you look, suddenly everyone has that same car.  I find that everywhere we look, there are statistics on cancer, or coverage in the news on cancer survival rates, or people telling their story about their cancer journey.  If you go online and search up the  "facts and figures" on average rates of cancer and trends, well this is very discouraging indeed.

What is an average?  It is a number, a single value that can be somewhat useful to compare data.  But the thing about averages, well there are outliers.  I learned about this concept early on in my life as it relates to marks in school.  While it was all well and good to achieve an “A”, if everyone had an “A” well, what did it really mean in terms of value?  If however, most had achieved a “B-“, well then, being an outlier and achieving an “A”, that was really something.   So to my mind, when you are talking about cancer and living - we do not want to be average,  an outlier - that’s where we want to be!  And why not us?  Why not Richard?  He is strong, and if anyone can beat the average he can.  

At the time of Richard’s diagnosis, we were presented with some not great averages which were very hard to hear.  Our best shot was to get moving quickly with all of the diagnostics, the radiation treatment, and the chemo, and get him eating.  Richard has completed his first line of treatment, is eating almost normally and returned to his normal weight.  We have a little routine, where every morning I ask him - ‘how are you today’, and most days he ranks himself as an 8/10 - once we have been off the chemo a few days, that is.

We continue to look for options for the next steps in his treatment, new therapies that may be in clinical trials for this type of cancer.  Luckily this is where I can help in advocating for Richard.  We all have an important role to play to support him, keep him laughing, keeping his spirits up and we are so grateful for all the outreach and acts of kindness from all of our family, our friends and peers.  

This past week, there was a focus on mental health with #BellLetsTalk day. One of the key messages of this campaign is about the value of listening and how simple kindness can make a world of difference.  They note it can be a smile, or an invitation for coffee and a chat and asking how you might help.  We find that the fact you are reaching out to us and we know you are there for us, being good listeners is just amazing and greatly appreciated.  

So how do we feel now that this first line of chemotherapy for his cancer is now over?  We are grateful the chemo did what it was supposed to do and the cancer is stable (though it would have been better if it was gone!).  We are doing our best to live and enjoy life as normally as possible with many adventures to be thrown in along the way. 

Most of all, we are fighting to beat the average!  

Here’s to all of the outliers out there  - CHEERS

  

Let's be extraordinary!  Still Kitchen Dancing with you,

Love always,

Michelle

My "Bottle Buddy"

Written on Tuesday, January 21st, 2020.

As I sit here at the cancer centre, for my 6th and final chemo treatment (at least for now), I can’t help but think about my cancer journey. I wrote about my chemo treatments in a previous post: My Chemo 101.  My six, three week cycles of chemo, will be coming to an end on Sunday. Funny how it seems to have gone by so quickly yet so slowly at the same time. After today’s chemo infusions, the five day countdown clock begins as they put on my portable chemo aka known as my "bottle buddy"! After that, I am free for the foreseeable future! 

Immediately after my chemo infusions at the cancer centre, they attach my portable chemo bottle to my PICC line to take home. This bottle contains a  drug which is delivered slowly over the next five day period. It is the third drug in my chemo "cocktail", each having a specific action to kill any rapidly growing cells in my body.

My "bottle buddy" follows me around 24/7 for the next 5 days. It joins me for my morning shower or bath. It travels with me wherever I go throughout the week. It has attended a Maple Leafs game, a Toronto Rock game and numerous restaurants (thank goodness) over the past few months lol! I wonder where we will venture in our final week together? I try to hide it under a sweater, hoodie or jacket. It does create a noticeable bulge and can easily become an unwanted conversation starter (though I would rather not talk about it).  

My "bottle buddy" is a constant and visible reminder of my cancer. It is difficult to ignore even if you try. It feels like I am carrying a mini water canteen with me. It moves around a lot, wiggles and flips/flops side to side as I move.  The plastic tubes get tangled in the holding pouch or long sleeve shirts I wear to disguise it. I must admit that it can get annoying. I try to forget that I am wearing it, with limited success. So as the saying goes, "short term pain for long term gain", right?

It even comes with me to bed each night. My "bottle buddy" has even driven a wedge in my marriage! It comes between Michelle and I in bed! It has its own designated pillow (to keep the bottle vertical during the night). I often wake up during the night to find my bottle has fallen horizontally or the attached tube is across my face. I correct it and try to get back to sleep. This happens a few times a night. Broken sleep reminds me of our baby days. Sometimes I forget that I'm wearing it when taking a late night bathroom run, it quickly reminds me, flopping around. Luckily it has not detached. That would not be good. 

I have mixed emotions about my bottle buddy! I know that it is there to help me. It provides me with my much needed chemo medication and protection. I understand that.  This is an important part of my treatment plan. At my pre chemo appointment yesterday, my oncologist indicated that my cancer has stabilized, but not gone. We choose to take this as a positive sign. Our plan is to "beat the average", and overall I feel pretty good.

I need to thank the anonymous volunteer that hand knitted my portable bottle buddy holder. At the cancer centre you can find hand knitted chemo bottle holders and a variety of knitted hats for those patients that have lost their hair. This is a small but amazing gesture for cancer patients.  If you are an avid knitter,  please consider knitting and donating some of these items to your local cancer centre. I am sure that they would appreciate it. It does make a difference in the lives of cancer patients.

As this is my last chemo treatment (for now), my PICC line will be removed later this week and this will be the last I will see of my bottle buddy. 

A bitter sweet goodbye. Thanks for your efforts in my cancer fight.

Farewell bottle buddy!

Richard

Side Effects: 5 Senses

I must say that I have been very lucky to have experienced very few side effects during my cancer treatments. I know that many cancer patients deal with side effects that can be very debilitating. I would consider my side effects to be relatively minor in comparison. I am blessed and thankful for that. I talked about some of my side effects in a previous post Side Effects: Short Term Pain for Long Term Gain? 

I continue to have most of these side effects mentioned in that post, but some seem to have reduced in severity (or perhaps I am just getting used to them more now). My current side effects seem to be related to the five senses, specifically taste, smell and touch.

Taste

Since my ability to eat solid foods has returned (hooray!), I must admit that I have been indulging in eating all of my favourite foods (in some cases to excess). I have gained back most of my lost weight, which I consider a good thing as my weight drop was beginning to be a concern. I had dropped over 30 pounds in a short time. This is not a concern any longer! I am almost back to my original weight. I guess I need to cut back on the snacks (we call them salty crunchies) and sugary treats. My current mindset is "What the hell! Eat what you want Richard!"  I may need to rethink this mindset soon.

I am fortunate to be able to eat again after being on Ensure shakes and broths/soups for a few months, but my taste buds are really off.  As I mentioned in my earlier post, you never really realize the impact that food plays on most aspects of your life. Food is part of our culture, our identity and our social being. It is a focal point of our day. I am glad to be able to enjoy the social aspects of food again- family dinners, going to restaurants, visiting friends for dinner, etc.

One of my current side effects is that I don't really get the full, rich flavours of foods like I used to. They all seem muted and in some cases, tasteless. I am not really complaining as the variety of flavours, textures and food options has improved substantially since being able to each solid foods again. I hope to never go back to only being able to eat liquid foods, I will if I have too, but would prefer not to return to this limited diet.

Michelle has been hard at work making some of my favourite foods and baked goods. I definitely ate my share of turkey dinner, freshly baked holiday cookies and Buche de Noel over the holidays.  We have been blessed to have friends and colleagues bring me homemade soups, special chicken broth, assortments of candy & ginger to help with my dry mouth and taste bud issues. 

Smell

My sense of smell has also been heightened during treatments. I now have a smelling super power! I'm like a human bloodhound. I keep asking Michelle, "Can you smell that?" This is not always a good thing. Lately I have been smelling some 'nasty smells'. I am not really sure where they are coming from (perhaps some are coming from me internally) or why I am smelling them, but they are nasty! 

To help block or cover these smells -a Michelle innovation - we have created small smelling jars with coffee beans and lavender buds placed around the house that I will sniff to block out the bad smells. as needed. It seems to work (most times). When out and about, my heightened sense of smell can be a bother. I seem to be able to smell 'nasty' smells all around me. Not pleasant at times, but it is manageable. I am hoping that after my last chemo next week, this side effect will be reduced or go away.

Touch

I have been finding that my skin is often itchy and dry. My first thought was that this was just the winter weather that was causing this, but this is more than seasonal dry skin. I also notice that my hands and feet sometimes form small blemishes (especially between my fingers). My oncologist indicated that this can be a normal side effect of treatment. He suggested that I use medicated hand/body cream to help with this. This seems to work and the blemishes disappear in a few days. As a preventive measure, I lather up with hand cream all the time! (something new for me. I was never really a hand lotion kind of guy!)

At times, I get little tingles throughout my body. They are like sparks. They feel like little mini fireworks going off inside my body.  They happen for just a few seconds. Not really sure what they are. They worry me at times. I assume that they are little reactions/side effects from my treatments.

My legs and knees also seem to get sore easily. Not sure if this is a side effect or just old age creeping in on me!  Nonetheless I keep walking, keep active, and rest when I need to.

I have thankfully have had no nausea, no vomiting, no hair loss, no debilitating side effects during both my radiation and my chemotherapy treatments. I am thankful for this! I can live with these minor nuisances that I am currently experiencing. They are manageable and don't really effect my quality of life that much. 

Here's hoping it stays this way for a long time!

Richard

Kitchen Dancing

This week I am pleased to have a blog guest, My Michelle. Enjoy!

I come from a long line of “kitchen dancers” and lovers of music.  We put on the music, and we can’t help ourselves, the dancing soon follows.  I remember watching my mom and dad sneaking in a dance or two, what must have been a welcome release when dealing with a large and boisterous family.  My sisters and I took turns learning to dance with our dad, first standing on his feet as he danced us around, progressing to the old two step and then jiving.  We sisters would also dance together, taking turns on who would lead and who would follow, throwing in a dip or two. As we grew up and boyfriends came and went, husbands joined our family and my dad passed away, the opportunities for kitchen dancing naturally waned and changed.  But then - I met this wonderful man, Richard, from a small family, who also came from a family of lovers of music and “kitchen dancers”. He fit right in, took my hand and twirled me around the kitchen and we have been dancing ever since! My mother would often comment on how she would think of Richard and I dancing in the kitchen and how it would make her smile to think of us so happy and dancing!

We’ve been having a rough go at times during Richard’s cancer journey, but through it all, we still put on the music, and rock out in the kitchen to our favourite songs.  Sometimes we just hold on to each other and sway to an emotional tune or two. While our sons are less than enthusiastic to join in and often give us the “eye roll”, they have been known to hover around and act as DJ, while Sophie is right in there, adding in her moves. We love these simple moments and I know we are raising the next generation of kitchen dancing enthusiasts!

Studies have shown that music can relax your mind, energize your body and reduce stress.  Upbeat music can make you feel more optimistic and positive about life. I know that Richard finds listening to music during his chemo treatment marathons, helps him a great deal - helps to take his mind off what is happening in the moment, to block out the beeps, buzzes and conversations at the infusion clinic. But I know that he is also listening to our favourite songs and doing his own “kitchen dancing” from the infusion chair and planning his moves for when we get back home!

You are always dancing in my heart,

Love Michelle

New Year, New Decade....

2020 is now upon us! Hard to believe that a new decade has begun. I must say that I am happy to see the year 2019 go! It was not one of my favourite years to say the least.  Although the year included my retirement in June from education after 30+ years (which was a wonderful celebration with friends and colleagues), it quickly turned into a total focus on cancer in August. Not the way I wanted to start my retirement and my new adventures. Not the end to the decade that I was imagining. We can’t always choose our journey. Sometimes our journey takes an unexpected turn and personal timelines need to be adjusted. 

With the reality of a new year, new decade upon us, I can honestly say that my long term positive outlook has waned recently.  As the new year begins, I am at times melancholy. Being told that you have Stage 4 Cancer does that to you.  I now focus more on the weeks and months rather than longer term. I plan to make the most of the time that I have, focusing on the things that matter most to me: my wife, family, friends and relationships. I will be focusing on moments rather than things.  Time to let go of the things that are beyond my control. My family's happiness and positive outlook are within our control. We choose POSITIVE! We choose HOPE! We choose HAPPINESS!

My most recent CTScan shows my disease remains stable. We take this as positive news.  I have one more round of chemo in January before we take a break and go on maintenance therapy. I never thought that I would be happy with being labelled ‘status quo’ or 'on maintenance' but at this point, status quo is looking pretty good!  Being stuck in neutral is our new normal. 

Save your Tears for Something Sad

Michelle and I are both Downton Abbey fans. We loved watching the show every Sunday night. Michelle would make a delicious dessert to have while watching the show each week. I really miss those desserts ever since the show has ended! We were excited to hear that a full length film version of the show was in the works. We went to see the film in the theatres when it came out a few months ago.

One of the scenes resonated with me while watching the movie. 

Spoiler Alert! Don't read the next paragraph if you haven't seen the movie yet or don't want one of the story lines revealed (don't say I didn't warn you!) 

Near the end of the movie we learn that Dowager Countess of Grantham is dying and only has a short time left to live. She pulls Lady Marry aside to tell her that she is terminally ill. This quote near the end of the movie touched me:

Our eternally witty Countess says... “Save your tears for something sad, because there’s nothing sad here.   I have lived a privileged and an interesting life"..."I'll be fine, until I am not".

Save your tears for something sad because there is nothing sad here. I truly believe this. I am saddened that my time with my family will be shortened but am thankful for the time that I have had and still have with them.  We have had many great family adventures and wonderful times. As Dr. Seuss said, "Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened." I choose to smile and enjoy the memories that we have made together and the times that we have shared together. I hope to share many more this year.

I also believe that I have truly lived a privileged and interesting life. I would not change a thing (except for the cancer part of course!). I have had many great adventures with Michelle and our children and also with my friends and colleagues.  I have been, and continue to be, blessed.  

New Year- There are more adventures that await! Stay tuned.....and I'll be fine until I am not.

Richard

Darcy- My Faithful Companion

They say that dogs can sense when something is not right. I have to agree! Darcy, our family dog seems to sense that I am sick and not myself these days. He seems to be giving me some extra attention and love.  Although Michelle and Sophie ("the girl's") will always be his favourites, he is spending more and more time by my side. We often laugh that he treats each of us in a special way. He has an almost sibling rivalry with Jonathan and Joshua ("the boys") and he know that they are the ones to rough house with. One thing is for sure, he knows how to get our attention for dog treats, often getting more than one from each of us!

Since I have been home (in retirement) he has been my faithful companion throughout the day. Wherever I go in the house, Darcy is there with me. When we wake up in the early morning, to have our first morning coffee, regardless of how early in the morning it is, he is at our feet (so close that we are touching in some way). When we are watching t.v. in the family room, he is lying close by our chairs. When I sneak up for a short nap in the middle of the day, he soon comes up and joins me for a nap (I secretly thing he really enjoys this time of day the most!) 

When my nurse comes to our home for my weekly dressing change and to clean my PICC Line, Darcy is there to make sure she is treating me right, almost guarding me. It did take him a few weeks before he began to warm up to her but I guess she has passed the test, as he seems to tolerate her presence in our home more and simply lies by my feet during the process.

Darcy wants to be with us all the time. When we leave our house to go out for an errand or dinner, you should see the look on his face. He is forlorn and looks heartbroken. He often sits on our staircase with his tail down and has the saddest look on his face. How could you leave me? When we return however, we can see him patiently waiting in the office window, looking for our car to enter our driveway. His tail is wagging a mile a minute when he sees that it is us exiting the car door. When the front door opens his tail is wagging and he gives us the most heartfelt greeting every time. His facial expression seems to be telling us "I missed you and I am so glad that you are back." Everyone should have a welcome greeting like this when they come home each day.

Darcy even helps motivate us to go on our nature walks. He loves to join us as we walk the trails of Newmarket. He helps to ensure that we are going at a good pace but at the same time stop for breaks so he can do his business and sniff out others business along the way! He is always in the lead. I love it when he looks back at us and seems to be saying "Are you guys coming!".

Having a pet takes dedication, commitment and patience, especially when they get older. Darcy, in his 13th year,  no longer has complete control of his need to remind us/give us a warning that he needs to go outside to do his business like he use to do. Indoor accidents are on the rise in our house these days. However, his love, companionship and his unwavering loyalty to us makes up for these new shortcomings.

We love you Darcy and thank you for being an important part of our family! Thank you for being my faithful companion. 

Richard  

Family- Home Sweet Home

To me, December is a time for family. 

There are really only a few times during the year, when most of us can really slow down the pace and take time to enjoy each others company. December holidays are one of these times for our family. December provides opportunities to visit and celebrate with our extended families and friends. Lots of good food, music & good company.  The lead up to Christmas if often hectic and busy but the days after Christmas and before the new year are perfect for slowing down, sitting around in our PJ's, watching movies and decompressing.  Spending time with those that matter the most.

Family means everything to me. I am so glad that we are all able to be together during Christmas. Sitting together for family meals, especially Sunday morning 'big' breakfasts, are something that our family really enjoys doing. As our children grow older, these special moments become harder to arrange. 

Our family is so fortunate to all be together this Christmas. Sophie was able to return from university earlier this year, which is allowing us lots of time to spend together. We are saddened at the same time that we will not be able to enjoy the holidays with our extended family in Kingston, but staying close to home this holiday seems best for us at this time in our cancer journey.  

My family keeps asking me what I would like for Christmas and my response is all I really want for Christmas is TIME.  Time to be with them, time to enjoy each others company. We tend to take time for granted. Time is precious. 

My wish for you all is to continue to make memories with each other. Take time to be with each other as much a possible, especially during the holidays. Use this holiday season to connect or reconnect with your family and build new memories with each other.

This will be my last blog post for 2019. I will be taking a few weeks off to enjoy the holiday season with my family. Our plans include: going for some nature walks, playing board games, watching some of our favourite classic Christmas movies, doing some local day trips and just having a chance to sit, relax and talk with each other (which seems like something of a luxury these days). 

I wish you and your family a wonderful holiday. Enjoy your time with your family. Make some memories!

Richard

Supporting Cancer Research

Over the years I have supported a number of cancer fundraisers both as an individual and through my role as an elementary school teacher & principal. These include the Terry Fox Foundation, Movember, Princess Margaret Journey to Conquer Cancer, CIBC Run for a Cure, Canadian Cancer Society daffodil sales & Pink Ribbon Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I have always been proud to support these charities because of the work that they do. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that one day I would be the beneficiary of the research, advancements and initiatives that some of these fundraising dollars would support through these donations.

It is amazing to see all of the advancements in cancer care treatment. At the same time, it is surprising to see that treatment options still have not progressed that much over the years.  We still have a long way to go. One day I feel that we will look back on the current treatment options (radiation and chemotherapy) and wonder how we could have ever purposely put radioactive materials and poisons in our bodies to battle cancer. There must be a better option. I truly believe that these donations will go along way to further advance cancer treatments for all patients and move us away from these current options. 

Movember

During the month of November I participated in #Movember. This is my fifth time growing a moustache for a good cause. Check out the results! Movember focuses on men’s health. Thanks to all those that supported my #Movember challenge during the month of November. You all ROCK! I am so thankful for the support. I had to increase my goal four times during the month, thanks to the steady flow of donations. My original goals was $250. and I am pleased to report that I raised a total of $1020. for #Movember this year. Thank you! 

Terry Fox School Run/Walk

Ramer Wood Staff Support

Earlier this year, I attended the Terry Fox Run/Walk at my former school. I was overwhelmed with the support of students and staff that were running/walking to support cancer research. Even my former staff at my first school as principal, supported me during the walk. As you can imagine, it had a special meaning for me this year.  I was so blessed to have current and former staff and students place my name on their ‘I running for’ stickers. You will never know how much that meant to me. I am so blessed.  

Shout Outs!

On behalf of all cancer patients, I would like to give special shoutouts to all the medical professionals working to support cancer patients. On a personal note, I would like to thank all of the doctors, nurses, medical professionals and cancer volunteers (many of which have had a loved one who has had cancer) at Stronach Regional Cancer Centre at Southlake Regional Health Centre or your compassion and professionalism. It means more than you know. 

Our family has decided to participate in the Run for Southlake 5K Run/Walk on Sunday, April 26th, 2020 to support raising funds for the most urgently needed tools and equipment at Southlake. Things that the expert teams rely on to save lives and provide patients, family, friends and neighbours with the learning edge and compassionate care they deserve. We will tweet out our family donation team link once we have registered in the new year. We invite you to walk/run with us! This is our local hospital and local cancer centre. We are so fortunate to have these world class facilities in our community. #RunforSouthlake

Cancer Donations

If you have never donated or volunteered before, I would encourage you to do so. There are many different charities that need support to help battle cancer and provide much needed research money. Pick one that you would like to support! Cancer touches us all (either directly or indirectly through family and friends). Volunteering or providing a financial donation gets us one step closer to a cure. 

Keep laughing & smiling :)

Richard