My "Bottle Buddy"

Written on Tuesday, January 21st, 2020.

As I sit here at the cancer centre, for my 6th and final chemo treatment (at least for now), I can’t help but think about my cancer journey. I wrote about my chemo treatments in a previous post: My Chemo 101.  My six, three week cycles of chemo, will be coming to an end on Sunday. Funny how it seems to have gone by so quickly yet so slowly at the same time. After today’s chemo infusions, the five day countdown clock begins as they put on my portable chemo aka known as my "bottle buddy"! After that, I am free for the foreseeable future! 

Immediately after my chemo infusions at the cancer centre, they attach my portable chemo bottle to my PICC line to take home. This bottle contains a  drug which is delivered slowly over the next five day period. It is the third drug in my chemo "cocktail", each having a specific action to kill any rapidly growing cells in my body.

My "bottle buddy" follows me around 24/7 for the next 5 days. It joins me for my morning shower or bath. It travels with me wherever I go throughout the week. It has attended a Maple Leafs game, a Toronto Rock game and numerous restaurants (thank goodness) over the past few months lol! I wonder where we will venture in our final week together? I try to hide it under a sweater, hoodie or jacket. It does create a noticeable bulge and can easily become an unwanted conversation starter (though I would rather not talk about it).  

My "bottle buddy" is a constant and visible reminder of my cancer. It is difficult to ignore even if you try. It feels like I am carrying a mini water canteen with me. It moves around a lot, wiggles and flips/flops side to side as I move.  The plastic tubes get tangled in the holding pouch or long sleeve shirts I wear to disguise it. I must admit that it can get annoying. I try to forget that I am wearing it, with limited success. So as the saying goes, "short term pain for long term gain", right?

It even comes with me to bed each night. My "bottle buddy" has even driven a wedge in my marriage! It comes between Michelle and I in bed! It has its own designated pillow (to keep the bottle vertical during the night). I often wake up during the night to find my bottle has fallen horizontally or the attached tube is across my face. I correct it and try to get back to sleep. This happens a few times a night. Broken sleep reminds me of our baby days. Sometimes I forget that I'm wearing it when taking a late night bathroom run, it quickly reminds me, flopping around. Luckily it has not detached. That would not be good. 

I have mixed emotions about my bottle buddy! I know that it is there to help me. It provides me with my much needed chemo medication and protection. I understand that.  This is an important part of my treatment plan. At my pre chemo appointment yesterday, my oncologist indicated that my cancer has stabilized, but not gone. We choose to take this as a positive sign. Our plan is to "beat the average", and overall I feel pretty good.

I need to thank the anonymous volunteer that hand knitted my portable bottle buddy holder. At the cancer centre you can find hand knitted chemo bottle holders and a variety of knitted hats for those patients that have lost their hair. This is a small but amazing gesture for cancer patients.  If you are an avid knitter,  please consider knitting and donating some of these items to your local cancer centre. I am sure that they would appreciate it. It does make a difference in the lives of cancer patients.

As this is my last chemo treatment (for now), my PICC line will be removed later this week and this will be the last I will see of my bottle buddy. 

A bitter sweet goodbye. Thanks for your efforts in my cancer fight.

Farewell bottle buddy!

Richard

Side Effects: 5 Senses

I must say that I have been very lucky to have experienced very few side effects during my cancer treatments. I know that many cancer patients deal with side effects that can be very debilitating. I would consider my side effects to be relatively minor in comparison. I am blessed and thankful for that. I talked about some of my side effects in a previous post Side Effects: Short Term Pain for Long Term Gain? 

I continue to have most of these side effects mentioned in that post, but some seem to have reduced in severity (or perhaps I am just getting used to them more now). My current side effects seem to be related to the five senses, specifically taste, smell and touch.

Taste

Since my ability to eat solid foods has returned (hooray!), I must admit that I have been indulging in eating all of my favourite foods (in some cases to excess). I have gained back most of my lost weight, which I consider a good thing as my weight drop was beginning to be a concern. I had dropped over 30 pounds in a short time. This is not a concern any longer! I am almost back to my original weight. I guess I need to cut back on the snacks (we call them salty crunchies) and sugary treats. My current mindset is "What the hell! Eat what you want Richard!"  I may need to rethink this mindset soon.

I am fortunate to be able to eat again after being on Ensure shakes and broths/soups for a few months, but my taste buds are really off.  As I mentioned in my earlier post, you never really realize the impact that food plays on most aspects of your life. Food is part of our culture, our identity and our social being. It is a focal point of our day. I am glad to be able to enjoy the social aspects of food again- family dinners, going to restaurants, visiting friends for dinner, etc.

One of my current side effects is that I don't really get the full, rich flavours of foods like I used to. They all seem muted and in some cases, tasteless. I am not really complaining as the variety of flavours, textures and food options has improved substantially since being able to each solid foods again. I hope to never go back to only being able to eat liquid foods, I will if I have too, but would prefer not to return to this limited diet.

Michelle has been hard at work making some of my favourite foods and baked goods. I definitely ate my share of turkey dinner, freshly baked holiday cookies and Buche de Noel over the holidays.  We have been blessed to have friends and colleagues bring me homemade soups, special chicken broth, assortments of candy & ginger to help with my dry mouth and taste bud issues. 

Smell

My sense of smell has also been heightened during treatments. I now have a smelling super power! I'm like a human bloodhound. I keep asking Michelle, "Can you smell that?" This is not always a good thing. Lately I have been smelling some 'nasty smells'. I am not really sure where they are coming from (perhaps some are coming from me internally) or why I am smelling them, but they are nasty! 

To help block or cover these smells -a Michelle innovation - we have created small smelling jars with coffee beans and lavender buds placed around the house that I will sniff to block out the bad smells. as needed. It seems to work (most times). When out and about, my heightened sense of smell can be a bother. I seem to be able to smell 'nasty' smells all around me. Not pleasant at times, but it is manageable. I am hoping that after my last chemo next week, this side effect will be reduced or go away.

Touch

I have been finding that my skin is often itchy and dry. My first thought was that this was just the winter weather that was causing this, but this is more than seasonal dry skin. I also notice that my hands and feet sometimes form small blemishes (especially between my fingers). My oncologist indicated that this can be a normal side effect of treatment. He suggested that I use medicated hand/body cream to help with this. This seems to work and the blemishes disappear in a few days. As a preventive measure, I lather up with hand cream all the time! (something new for me. I was never really a hand lotion kind of guy!)

At times, I get little tingles throughout my body. They are like sparks. They feel like little mini fireworks going off inside my body.  They happen for just a few seconds. Not really sure what they are. They worry me at times. I assume that they are little reactions/side effects from my treatments.

My legs and knees also seem to get sore easily. Not sure if this is a side effect or just old age creeping in on me!  Nonetheless I keep walking, keep active, and rest when I need to.

I have thankfully have had no nausea, no vomiting, no hair loss, no debilitating side effects during both my radiation and my chemotherapy treatments. I am thankful for this! I can live with these minor nuisances that I am currently experiencing. They are manageable and don't really effect my quality of life that much. 

Here's hoping it stays this way for a long time!

Richard

Kitchen Dancing

This week I am pleased to have a blog guest, My Michelle. Enjoy!

I come from a long line of “kitchen dancers” and lovers of music.  We put on the music, and we can’t help ourselves, the dancing soon follows.  I remember watching my mom and dad sneaking in a dance or two, what must have been a welcome release when dealing with a large and boisterous family.  My sisters and I took turns learning to dance with our dad, first standing on his feet as he danced us around, progressing to the old two step and then jiving.  We sisters would also dance together, taking turns on who would lead and who would follow, throwing in a dip or two. As we grew up and boyfriends came and went, husbands joined our family and my dad passed away, the opportunities for kitchen dancing naturally waned and changed.  But then - I met this wonderful man, Richard, from a small family, who also came from a family of lovers of music and “kitchen dancers”. He fit right in, took my hand and twirled me around the kitchen and we have been dancing ever since! My mother would often comment on how she would think of Richard and I dancing in the kitchen and how it would make her smile to think of us so happy and dancing!

We’ve been having a rough go at times during Richard’s cancer journey, but through it all, we still put on the music, and rock out in the kitchen to our favourite songs.  Sometimes we just hold on to each other and sway to an emotional tune or two. While our sons are less than enthusiastic to join in and often give us the “eye roll”, they have been known to hover around and act as DJ, while Sophie is right in there, adding in her moves. We love these simple moments and I know we are raising the next generation of kitchen dancing enthusiasts!

Studies have shown that music can relax your mind, energize your body and reduce stress.  Upbeat music can make you feel more optimistic and positive about life. I know that Richard finds listening to music during his chemo treatment marathons, helps him a great deal - helps to take his mind off what is happening in the moment, to block out the beeps, buzzes and conversations at the infusion clinic. But I know that he is also listening to our favourite songs and doing his own “kitchen dancing” from the infusion chair and planning his moves for when we get back home!

You are always dancing in my heart,

Love Michelle

New Year, New Decade....

2020 is now upon us! Hard to believe that a new decade has begun. I must say that I am happy to see the year 2019 go! It was not one of my favourite years to say the least.  Although the year included my retirement in June from education after 30+ years (which was a wonderful celebration with friends and colleagues), it quickly turned into a total focus on cancer in August. Not the way I wanted to start my retirement and my new adventures. Not the end to the decade that I was imagining. We can’t always choose our journey. Sometimes our journey takes an unexpected turn and personal timelines need to be adjusted. 

With the reality of a new year, new decade upon us, I can honestly say that my long term positive outlook has waned recently.  As the new year begins, I am at times melancholy. Being told that you have Stage 4 Cancer does that to you.  I now focus more on the weeks and months rather than longer term. I plan to make the most of the time that I have, focusing on the things that matter most to me: my wife, family, friends and relationships. I will be focusing on moments rather than things.  Time to let go of the things that are beyond my control. My family's happiness and positive outlook are within our control. We choose POSITIVE! We choose HOPE! We choose HAPPINESS!

My most recent CTScan shows my disease remains stable. We take this as positive news.  I have one more round of chemo in January before we take a break and go on maintenance therapy. I never thought that I would be happy with being labelled ‘status quo’ or 'on maintenance' but at this point, status quo is looking pretty good!  Being stuck in neutral is our new normal. 

Save your Tears for Something Sad

Michelle and I are both Downton Abbey fans. We loved watching the show every Sunday night. Michelle would make a delicious dessert to have while watching the show each week. I really miss those desserts ever since the show has ended! We were excited to hear that a full length film version of the show was in the works. We went to see the film in the theatres when it came out a few months ago.

One of the scenes resonated with me while watching the movie. 

Spoiler Alert! Don't read the next paragraph if you haven't seen the movie yet or don't want one of the story lines revealed (don't say I didn't warn you!) 

Near the end of the movie we learn that Dowager Countess of Grantham is dying and only has a short time left to live. She pulls Lady Marry aside to tell her that she is terminally ill. This quote near the end of the movie touched me:

Our eternally witty Countess says... “Save your tears for something sad, because there’s nothing sad here.   I have lived a privileged and an interesting life"..."I'll be fine, until I am not".

Save your tears for something sad because there is nothing sad here. I truly believe this. I am saddened that my time with my family will be shortened but am thankful for the time that I have had and still have with them.  We have had many great family adventures and wonderful times. As Dr. Seuss said, "Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened." I choose to smile and enjoy the memories that we have made together and the times that we have shared together. I hope to share many more this year.

I also believe that I have truly lived a privileged and interesting life. I would not change a thing (except for the cancer part of course!). I have had many great adventures with Michelle and our children and also with my friends and colleagues.  I have been, and continue to be, blessed.  

New Year- There are more adventures that await! Stay tuned.....and I'll be fine until I am not.

Richard

Darcy- My Faithful Companion

They say that dogs can sense when something is not right. I have to agree! Darcy, our family dog seems to sense that I am sick and not myself these days. He seems to be giving me some extra attention and love.  Although Michelle and Sophie ("the girl's") will always be his favourites, he is spending more and more time by my side. We often laugh that he treats each of us in a special way. He has an almost sibling rivalry with Jonathan and Joshua ("the boys") and he know that they are the ones to rough house with. One thing is for sure, he knows how to get our attention for dog treats, often getting more than one from each of us!

Since I have been home (in retirement) he has been my faithful companion throughout the day. Wherever I go in the house, Darcy is there with me. When we wake up in the early morning, to have our first morning coffee, regardless of how early in the morning it is, he is at our feet (so close that we are touching in some way). When we are watching t.v. in the family room, he is lying close by our chairs. When I sneak up for a short nap in the middle of the day, he soon comes up and joins me for a nap (I secretly thing he really enjoys this time of day the most!) 

When my nurse comes to our home for my weekly dressing change and to clean my PICC Line, Darcy is there to make sure she is treating me right, almost guarding me. It did take him a few weeks before he began to warm up to her but I guess she has passed the test, as he seems to tolerate her presence in our home more and simply lies by my feet during the process.

Darcy wants to be with us all the time. When we leave our house to go out for an errand or dinner, you should see the look on his face. He is forlorn and looks heartbroken. He often sits on our staircase with his tail down and has the saddest look on his face. How could you leave me? When we return however, we can see him patiently waiting in the office window, looking for our car to enter our driveway. His tail is wagging a mile a minute when he sees that it is us exiting the car door. When the front door opens his tail is wagging and he gives us the most heartfelt greeting every time. His facial expression seems to be telling us "I missed you and I am so glad that you are back." Everyone should have a welcome greeting like this when they come home each day.

Darcy even helps motivate us to go on our nature walks. He loves to join us as we walk the trails of Newmarket. He helps to ensure that we are going at a good pace but at the same time stop for breaks so he can do his business and sniff out others business along the way! He is always in the lead. I love it when he looks back at us and seems to be saying "Are you guys coming!".

Having a pet takes dedication, commitment and patience, especially when they get older. Darcy, in his 13th year,  no longer has complete control of his need to remind us/give us a warning that he needs to go outside to do his business like he use to do. Indoor accidents are on the rise in our house these days. However, his love, companionship and his unwavering loyalty to us makes up for these new shortcomings.

We love you Darcy and thank you for being an important part of our family! Thank you for being my faithful companion. 

Richard  

Family- Home Sweet Home

To me, December is a time for family. 

There are really only a few times during the year, when most of us can really slow down the pace and take time to enjoy each others company. December holidays are one of these times for our family. December provides opportunities to visit and celebrate with our extended families and friends. Lots of good food, music & good company.  The lead up to Christmas if often hectic and busy but the days after Christmas and before the new year are perfect for slowing down, sitting around in our PJ's, watching movies and decompressing.  Spending time with those that matter the most.

Family means everything to me. I am so glad that we are all able to be together during Christmas. Sitting together for family meals, especially Sunday morning 'big' breakfasts, are something that our family really enjoys doing. As our children grow older, these special moments become harder to arrange. 

Our family is so fortunate to all be together this Christmas. Sophie was able to return from university earlier this year, which is allowing us lots of time to spend together. We are saddened at the same time that we will not be able to enjoy the holidays with our extended family in Kingston, but staying close to home this holiday seems best for us at this time in our cancer journey.  

My family keeps asking me what I would like for Christmas and my response is all I really want for Christmas is TIME.  Time to be with them, time to enjoy each others company. We tend to take time for granted. Time is precious. 

My wish for you all is to continue to make memories with each other. Take time to be with each other as much a possible, especially during the holidays. Use this holiday season to connect or reconnect with your family and build new memories with each other.

This will be my last blog post for 2019. I will be taking a few weeks off to enjoy the holiday season with my family. Our plans include: going for some nature walks, playing board games, watching some of our favourite classic Christmas movies, doing some local day trips and just having a chance to sit, relax and talk with each other (which seems like something of a luxury these days). 

I wish you and your family a wonderful holiday. Enjoy your time with your family. Make some memories!

Richard

Supporting Cancer Research

Over the years I have supported a number of cancer fundraisers both as an individual and through my role as an elementary school teacher & principal. These include the Terry Fox Foundation, Movember, Princess Margaret Journey to Conquer Cancer, CIBC Run for a Cure, Canadian Cancer Society daffodil sales & Pink Ribbon Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I have always been proud to support these charities because of the work that they do. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that one day I would be the beneficiary of the research, advancements and initiatives that some of these fundraising dollars would support through these donations.

It is amazing to see all of the advancements in cancer care treatment. At the same time, it is surprising to see that treatment options still have not progressed that much over the years.  We still have a long way to go. One day I feel that we will look back on the current treatment options (radiation and chemotherapy) and wonder how we could have ever purposely put radioactive materials and poisons in our bodies to battle cancer. There must be a better option. I truly believe that these donations will go along way to further advance cancer treatments for all patients and move us away from these current options. 

Movember

During the month of November I participated in #Movember. This is my fifth time growing a moustache for a good cause. Check out the results! Movember focuses on men’s health. Thanks to all those that supported my #Movember challenge during the month of November. You all ROCK! I am so thankful for the support. I had to increase my goal four times during the month, thanks to the steady flow of donations. My original goals was $250. and I am pleased to report that I raised a total of $1020. for #Movember this year. Thank you! 

Terry Fox School Run/Walk

Ramer Wood Staff Support

Earlier this year, I attended the Terry Fox Run/Walk at my former school. I was overwhelmed with the support of students and staff that were running/walking to support cancer research. Even my former staff at my first school as principal, supported me during the walk. As you can imagine, it had a special meaning for me this year.  I was so blessed to have current and former staff and students place my name on their ‘I running for’ stickers. You will never know how much that meant to me. I am so blessed.  

Shout Outs!

On behalf of all cancer patients, I would like to give special shoutouts to all the medical professionals working to support cancer patients. On a personal note, I would like to thank all of the doctors, nurses, medical professionals and cancer volunteers (many of which have had a loved one who has had cancer) at Stronach Regional Cancer Centre at Southlake Regional Health Centre or your compassion and professionalism. It means more than you know. 

Our family has decided to participate in the Run for Southlake 5K Run/Walk on Sunday, April 26th, 2020 to support raising funds for the most urgently needed tools and equipment at Southlake. Things that the expert teams rely on to save lives and provide patients, family, friends and neighbours with the learning edge and compassionate care they deserve. We will tweet out our family donation team link once we have registered in the new year. We invite you to walk/run with us! This is our local hospital and local cancer centre. We are so fortunate to have these world class facilities in our community. #RunforSouthlake

Cancer Donations

If you have never donated or volunteered before, I would encourage you to do so. There are many different charities that need support to help battle cancer and provide much needed research money. Pick one that you would like to support! Cancer touches us all (either directly or indirectly through family and friends). Volunteering or providing a financial donation gets us one step closer to a cure. 

Keep laughing & smiling :)

Richard

Ups & Downs

Prior to meeting your oncologist at the cancer centre, you are asked to fill out a quick online survey each time you visit. The survey was created by Cancer Care Ontario and it asks you a series of questions. They include questions about pain, tiredness, drowsiness, nausea, appetite, shortness of breath, depression, anxiety and wellbeing. The survey is written using a Likert scale with rating from 0 to 10. They track your answers over time to see if there are any significant changes in each of the categories.  I assume that the health professionals use the data to monitor your health and wellbeing during your treatments.

Two of the questions that are asked, surprised me. They were the questions about your current level of anxiety and another question asking about your level of depression. When I first began to complete these surveys,  I questioned why they would include them. I have cancer, not anxiety or depression. I began to realize their importance after my second round of chemo.

The Canadian Cancer Society points out, that both the patient and his/her family can, and most likely will go through a series of emotions which can including: shock, fear, denial, anger, guilt, anxiety/stress, loneliness/isolation, sadness, depression and hope. I must say that I have experienced most of these emotions over the last few months.

Levels of anxiety and depression do change over time during treatments. I find (and my family finds) that my level of depressive thoughts significantly increases after my round of chemotherapy (especially the three days following the removal of my chemo bottle).  It also has increased after each round of chemo. I am beginning to wonder if it has something to do with my treatments and the fact that they continue to penetrate my whole body system for extended periods of time.

Despite trying to remain positive, negative thoughts do enter your mind and cause moments of despair. I guess that this is something that should be expected. Even the most positive person has moments of despair. I have previously talked about ways that help me to deal with these emotions including: my family, friends, music, nature and laughter.

Other ways that I am trying to add to my emotional toolkit are; mindfulness exercises and positive affirmations. At times, SWEARING helps too! Those that know me, know that I'm not really the swearing type but I must say that since my diagnosis I have said "F#*K cancer!" more than a few times (usually in my head but occasionally it has slipped out loud). Believe it or not, it does have a short term, immediate positive effect. It seems to release some of my built up stress!

Anxiety can also build over time. The fear of the unknown. What will happen next? Is the treatment making any difference at all? These are all questions that come to the surface periodically. This can cause anxious moments.

My biggest concern at the moment is how to support my family and their emotions, while trying to deal with my own emotions at the same time? We all have our up & down moments in any given day. We are working through these emotions one day at a time and trying to push the positive thoughts to the surface more often than the negative.

Trying to stay positive!

Richard

My Michelle

The most important person in my life, my Michelle.

I'm sure that she will try to persuade me not to publish this post but I must publish it for all to read. It is important for me to share how much it means to me to have her in my life, to have her always by my side and how much I love her.  Michelle has been there for me for all the important milestone in my life. We live our lives together, taking each step in the journey as one. I could not have asked for a better partner during this new uncharted path that we are on together.

I honestly do not know how I could navigate this journey without her help.  Without her being apart of every step of this cancer journey. We are life partners and have stood beside each other for thirty-three years now. She is my soul mate.

Personal Champion

Michelle has quietly been supporting me and our family throughout this whole ordeal. She tries to remain positive and optimistic at all times. She always has a way of bringing us back to our focus which is our family.  I wonder if she truly understands the important role that she plays. She is the glue that binds us. She is the mediator, the encourager, the advocate and the champion of our family.

Michelle has been heavily researching my cancer diagnosis, trying to find new treatment options and advocating to doctors and nurses on my behalf. She supports me during appointments and keeps me focused on moving forward.

I know that she has not been sleeping well these past few months. The mental burden and impact of this disease is real.

Michelle is constantly checking in on me to see if I need anything or if there is something I would like her to do (or stop doing). She goes along with our 'dancing in the kitchen', local bucket list adventures and even goes to bed early (before 9 p.m.) on those days when I am tired without question.

Behind the scenes she is quietly disinfecting our home to ensure that there is less chance of me getting sick. Regularly cleaning sheets, surfaces and items in our home. She is trying to continue with some normalcy in our daily lives, balancing home and career. This is not an easy thing to do. I admire her ability to manage and persevere in a positive way.

When I need a pep talk, Michelle is there. When I need someone to reset my thinking back to the positive, Michelle is there. When I start to move back down into a place of self-pity, Michelle is there.

I worry about her and my children. They too are stuck in neutral. They are putting on a brave face for me but I know deep down that they are worried and concerned for our future. I am too. Unfortunately this is a ride that we must all take with its ups and its downs.

She brings a new meaning too, in sickness and in health. Michelle has been there for me and continues to be there for me, every step of the way.  I am so blessed to have her in my life.

I love you Michelle. XOXO

Richard

Sometimes... Laughter is the best medicine!

Yesterday, Michelle, the boys and I, went to see the comedian Danny Bhoy at Roy Thompson Hall in Toronto (Sophie is away at university).  I must say that I have not laughed like that in a long time. I don’t want to spoil his routine so I won’t repeat some of his best jokes but he has a way of engaging the audience through funny story telling. He also laughs at his own jokes, which makes you smile and laugh too. He is hilarious in my opinion!

If you have not seen him, I would highly recommend that you do. Just Google Danny Bhoy online for some of his past comedy routines. We especially love some of his older material such as his routine about how Scotland got its national flower (the thistle) and his diddle-lee-dee potatoes segment. We really enjoy watching him and we were very happy to get tickets to see him in person in Toronto. We knew that we would be laughing a lot.  The best part of the night was that for ninety minutes, none of us where talking about or thinking about cancer! Instead we were laughing our heads off. A welcome reprieve.

Michelle and I had our three children, Jonathan, Joshua and Sophia in the span between the late 1990's and early 2000's therefore these years are pretty much a blur for us. Our children did not sleep well, so we endured a severe lack of sleep for most of the decade. We often rented a movie from Blockbuster only to return it the next day not having watched it or falling asleep before it was over. (How many of you parents out there can relate to that?)

The same goes for t.v. shows. We watched t.v. inconsistently throughout their growing up years. When your children outnumber you, you spend most of your time trying to keep the peace, especially with two active boys or keep trying to get to bed early to catch up on your sleep as kids tend to wake up early (thank you Captain Obvious!).

Recently Michelle and I have began to watch Friends on Netflix. We binge watch a few episodes before bed a few nights a week. This show makes us laugh! Even though it may no longer be politically correct or accurate for today’s society (lets get real- no one could afford an apartment like Rachel and Monica’s, based on their jobs- at least not in TO!). With all the daily negative news stories and shows about murder and gun violence currently on t.v. these days we appreciate a good laugh before heading off to bed. Laughter changes your mindset.

It is amazing how laughter can change your mood and make you forget all about your troubles, even if it is for a few short moments. These are cherished moments of time. Last week, I met up with my friend Crystal for coffee and within a few minutes she had me in a full on belly laugh (you know those uncontrollable laughs that almost make you cry!). She has always had the ability to make me smile and giggle. We need more 'giggle time' in our lives.  

Here is what the Canadian Cancer Society has to say about Laughter and Cancer :

Although cancer isn't a funny subject, some people find that laughter helps them deal with the stress and anxiety around cancer. Using laughter to relieve tension doesn't mean you aren't taking cancer seriously. It's OK to laugh. When a person laughs, their brain releases chemicals that relax muscles and make them feel good. SO don't hesitate to watch your favourite funny movie or read your favourite funny book again. Or call a friend to tell them about the silly thing your pet did. You just might feel better afterwards. ( I know that I do!)

So don't be afraid to laugh.  Laugh at yourself, laugh with others, surround yourself with those people who can help you giggle.  It won't make the cancer go away, but I can definitely say that it changes mindset, and mindset is half the battle. 

I try to laugh and smile each and every day! Michelle and our kids help make this happen. They are always trying to brighten my spirits, provide me with moments to smile and moments to laugh at a with each other. 

While most of the 90's and early 2000's were mostly a blur, we can both agree that we would not have changed a thing. Michelle and I cherish these memories and heck, we can now binge watch these shows and movies on Netflix any time we want!

Richard 

Side Effects: Short Term Pain for Long Term Gain?

Many have asked me, "How are you feeling?" My answer has for the most part been, "I feel great!" because most of the time, I do feel great. I can fully participate in most aspects of daily life without any real issues or concerns.

Others have remarked, "You look great!" when they see me in person. My guess is that I am getting the 'you look great' response, mainly due to the fact that I don't really have any of the visible side effects that you would normally associated with cancer. For example, I have no hair loss. The only real visible difference you can see in me is that I have lost a significant amount of weight over the past few month (although I have been gaining some back lately!) Ironically this weight loss actually makes me look healthier, at least from the outside appearance anyway.  (it probably is actually a health benefit to have lost more than twenty pounds over the past few months, although I did not enjoy my liquid only diet- see my Food! Glorious! Food blog entry for more a reminder).

I don't want to get to 'medical' in my blog but think it is important to explain the difference between chemotherapy, radiation and the side effects that can happen due to each of these treatments. Most cancer patients are provided with one or both of these dual treatment options. 

According to the Canadian Cancer Society:

Chemotherapy (sometimes called chemo) destroys cancer cells or slows their growth (My hope is that they kill them!) Some chemotherapy drugs are given on their own. But in most cases, several chemotherapy drugs are used together to destroy cancer cells (I am currently on a combination of three different chemotherapy drugs). *

Radiation therapy works by destroying cancer cells and damaging a cancer cell's DNA so that it stops dividing and growing. Radiation therapy can shrink a tumour or completely destroy it (Again, I prefer the second result!).  It is most effective on cells that grow and divide quickly. Cancer cells tend to divide more quickly than most normal cells. This makes them more likely to be affected by the radiation (be radiosensitive) then normal cells. *

* Taken from the Canadian Cancer Society Website

The issue with chemotherapy and radiation therapy is that while their main purpose is to kill cancer cells, they also damage healthy cells at the same time. This of course is not a good thing and is what can cause side effects to occur. 

As I have stated many times in my blog, each cancer patient's journey is unique to that individual, and this is true for side effects as well. Some experience more side effects or more visible side effects than others. It is important to state that many cancer patients experience side effects that are not necessarily visible to others but can have devastating impact on quality of life.

I have been fortunate so far in the fact that I am not experiencing many of the major side effects that are possible during chemotherapy & radiation.

To further explain the "How are you feeling" answer, below are the moderate side effects that I am currently experiencing from time to time:

Short Term Fatigue-  In the past I have often been referred to by others as 'the energizer bunny'. This nickname, I can only imagine is based on the fact that I can be a little hyper at times (no comments please!). One noticeable side effect has been that I have slowed my pace down a bit since my treatments have begun. (This may not be a bad thing after all!). The three days after my chemo are the hardest as this is when the fatigue sets in. I have resorted to short naps some afternoons to address this symptom. 

Low White Blood Cell Counts- For the past two out of three chemo treatments (so far) I have had my treatments postponed by a week due to low white blood cell counts. (Better safe them sorry I say), as low white blood cells can increase the risk of infections.

Dry Mouth- My mouth can get very dry at times. I have been using a moisturizing mouthwash and a variety of items from the 'care package' given to me by some of my work colleague friends which include real ginger bits and sugar free candies. These have helped a great deal. 

Changes in Taste & Smell- (what I refer to as "Metal Mouth) Sometimes I get a metal taste in my mouth that takes away from the normal taste of foods. Sometimes I smell strange smells as well. Luckily it doesn't seem to last too long. 

Dry/Irritated Skin- My skin can become dry and itchy. At the moment, it is hard to determine if this is an actual side effect or simply the fall/winter seasonal effects of the weather coming into play here.

Some Memory Issues- some call it "Chemo Brain". It is where you forget simple things like people's names or tasks that you were doing. (This can be embarrassing at times, but I have found it an effective excuse when I forgotten where I have placed my wallet, keys or cellphone LOL).

I have been fortunate so far that my side effects have been manageable as this is not the case for all cancer patients. Thanks to my medications, (and I take them just as the Dr. ordered to prevent the side effects). As I understand this, the nausea and vomiting are not something that you can wait out or work through as it is related to the level of chemotherapy in your system.  I am glad to have these medications to help prevent and manage the possibility of this happening and I am pleased to report that I have not had any nausea or vomiting associated with my treatments so far. This is a big relief as you may recall that it was nausea and vomiting that started this whole journey in the first place (brings back bad memories!).

I will be having follow up CT and MRI scans over the coming weeks and my hope is that these treatments and side effects will all be well worth it when the results come in!

This is my experience and understanding of possible side effects but please remember to speak to your doctors and/or healthcare team regarding your specific questions or concerns (Michelle made me put this disclaimer in)!

Richard

Cancer touches so many of us!

One thing I have learned from starting this blog is that cancer touches most of us in so many different ways.  I have had many people share with me their personal cancer journey (some of which have kept it private from others). I have also been told stories of family member or close friends who are currently going through cancer treatment, are cancer survivors, or who lost their battle with cancer. Each story was unique but all had a common theme of struggle, support and love.

Some of the stories are inspiring and hopeful while others remind us that cancer doesn't always have a happy ending.  Even if you are not personally going through cancer yourself, most of us have witnessed or have been a part of someone else's journey. Cancer touches our heart and soul and provides us with examples of both triumph and tragedy. 

I choose to focus my blog posts on the positives rather than the negatives, while at the same time exposing the real emotional tug of war that plays out in your head and heart. This doesn't mean that I don't have moments of defeat, worry, anxiety and even depression. I do.  I try to quickly pull myself out of these negative thoughts, as they are not helpful. There is no need to have an ongoing pity party! I've had the pity party, I've tucked it away, and try to move on.  To me, pity parties are destructive and lead you down a spiral of self pity and "why me" moments. 

These emotional moments are not exclusive to me as I can see first hand the impact of my cancer treatments and prognosis on my wife and family. I think it is important to acknowledge and support those around the cancer patient.  Although they are not experiencing the physical symptoms of the disease, they are definitely dealing with the emotional aspects just as much as I am, or perhaps even more so. Each member of my family are dealing with this journey in their own personal way. 

If I could have one wish, it would be that I could shelter my wife and family from this disease and all of its impact on our daily lives. I wish that I could take away all of the worry, uncertainty and heartache.  This I know is not possible. What is possible is to stay positive, be thankful for what we have, to continue with as much normalcy as possible and to cherish each day that we have together.

My family is my everything,

Richard